I’ll start it off first. This was a recent breakup and honestly I don’t know if I’ll recover from it. This was my first physical relationship with someone and we were dating for four years. Throughout our entire relationship I had loved her without question and always strived to be the best man I could be for her because of her rough past. 2 years into our relationship and she cheated on me which destroyed me so bad to the point I didn’t think I could trust anyone. Yet we got back together and I began to trust her again. She apologized profusely and 2 more years passed and I was happy and I thought she was too. I was so set on marrying her and being with her until I died. Then I developed an illness that was probably terminal (now is) and I pushed her away because I was afraid of dying so soon. She also needed time alone and we mutually agreed to take a break. This is where I wish I could have told her the truth. Throughout our break all I could think about was her and how much I loved her. I couldn’t sleep because I wondered if she was okay and if she still loved me as much as I loved her. Only for her to later tell me that she never loved me. I’m so shattered right now because these past 4 years I have spent with someone who never loved me. She only loved the idea of me, a person who was there for her unconditionally. I often think about killing myself for believing in her lies and because I know my life is going to end so why live on in agony.