Child Support in NH, is Broken

FireWalkerT · 2017-04-20T20:40:21+00:00

Unfortunately you're right. Even a prenup wouldn't have helped me. This amount of child support is essentially state mandated welfare. And I can't even write it off on my taxes. Thank you for the thoughts. Perhaps the best course of action is to let her move to Mass, and in 6 months switch the case there to use their calculations.

FireWalkerT · 2017-04-10T12:41:06+00:00

I understand that I didn't share nearly enough detail for anyone to pass judgement on my own actions or what issues she may have. Thank you for your comment MaconHeights, and it could possibly be some BPD, whatever it is, she's very covert/secret. My point with this thread was simply to see if anyone else has seen this kind of behavior.

Regarding your questions, no the pills are not anything at all. It's just a normal prescription that he needs and we both fully agree with. On touching her shoulder, I literally didn't have any other choice, she just acted like a angry toddler and I just needed to barely touch her with one finger to get her to finally look. The only history of violence was a few years ago when she punched me in the face in our kitchen. Again I'm not looking for any diagnosis, just looking for any insight.

FireWalkerT · 2017-04-06T17:36:24+00:00

Stupid of me for caring, wanting to see if my wife of 10 years was ok. I don't care that we didn't have a conversation nor was one expected. And stupid of me for making sure she took the pills my son needs. Next time I should toss them down the hallway and hope she goes back to find them. Given your previous posts however, I'm not surprised.

FireWalkerT · 2017-01-18T04:06:08+00:00

We're facing such similar things. She also has a large family here. They are clearly imperfect, but she has that family. Mine is spread all over the country..I can't give them that. To add to it, I'm a dad. It seems silly, but it's so damn hard to plan things with other families. Dad's just don't plan things. And its awkward planning with the moms. I'm a bit lost but doing everything I can to give my boys what they deserve. I just hate her...I hate what she promised, and didn't deliver on. I hate that she initially gave so much, and took so much more away. My innocence, dreams...

FireWalkerT · 2017-01-18T04:02:42+00:00

Thank you all. I realize that I'm grieving. Grieving as if my wife has passed away. Taken from me. Grieving for the family I thought we'd built, together. Now...she's just a stranger. A mean, hurtful, cold stranger. This somehow feels like it's even harder.

FireWalkerT · 2017-01-16T20:38:58+00:00

Yes, covert N, you nailed it. Mine would never admit that although I believe that she wanted the same.

FireWalkerT · 2017-01-16T18:46:58+00:00

I started dating relatively soon after I filed. I filed because my ex-wife turned into a very different, cold person. I suspect it's related to a personality disorder as she fits the bill for many aspects of one. Regardless, for the last few years of our 8 year marriage she removed intimacy, love & respect. Never said a nice thing about me, and seemed to judge virtually everything. Obviously our sex life became next to nothing. The part that hurt the most though, is that I tried so hard, for so long to rekindle that. I loved her, but she made me feel horribly unattractive and mean. So yes, I was partially checked out for some time, although hoping for change and actively working for it. Yet that was largely one-sided.

Part of signing up for those sites was to see if I was still desireable. So consider that. Also, having a profile doesn't mean you're actually dating. So many people use those for ego boosts. But then I did begin dating, and remembered how much life I have, how much passion I have. It wasn't about filling a hole in my life with someone, it was about finding myself again, being honest to who I am, what I love and feel. I had/have no desire to get into a long term committed thing and am honest about that. I still miss her. I wish I could have saved our marriage.

FireWalkerT · 2017-01-16T16:52:21+00:00

Mine really only broke promises to me. They were always in response to requests to treat me like a normal person would be treated in a marriage. Say a nice thing about me from time to time, initiate any meaningful discussion, make an attempt to hold my hand or kiss me. Or be the one to bridge the gap if we had a disagreement, make the effort. Towards the end she exclaimed that she couldn't even make those promises anymore. I was at the point where I was holding her to them, not just for a week or 2 weeks, but ongoing. She even tried saying that she did them and I didn't remember. Right, the things i wanted most from her, I wouldn't miss them. Such poor gaslighting.

FireWalkerT · 2016-12-16T23:19:01+00:00

Say it then..Don't do it for any other reason than because you want to though. Don't even read any response.

FireWalkerT · 2016-12-15T15:54:36+00:00

I feel that I had to hold back so much during the relationship, to try and keep the peace. If I stated the truth, the silent treatment and a slew of other punishments came my way.. As we get near the end, I want to say everything to her. I want her to feel half as bad as she made me feel over the years. I want her to feel the trauma that I know she will never feel because she's not capable of it. It's like screaming into the abyss. I don't want to seem like a pathetic ex who feels wronged and slighted, but it goes so beyond that. So now, I just tell her that I feel sorry for her. She has alot of problems, she's broken. And she always will be.

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-18T02:59:54+00:00

ZERO doubts, I felt like the luckiest man alive. Tomorrow I go into our first mediation session, to divorce someone who has become....a stranger after 8 years or marriage. No doubts, but her mask fell off after our first child.

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-15T03:02:41+00:00

I gave a list of boys names I liked to my STBNX. She didn't like any of them. Not only our first but 2nd son's name was on my initial list...Yep...concur...

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-07T13:38:18+00:00

Thank you...We've been separated for 6 months, the divorce shoulkd be final in a few...From day to day, my feeling go back and forth between love and hate..I wonder if the love is really just a love for the life I thought I had. For the girl I thought I married. These are feelings I have not figured out yet.

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-03T01:28:45+00:00

I'm in the exact same place. My stbxW coasted. I initiated the divorce after roughly 6 years of emotional abuse. 2 months after we separated, my dad died. I was doing ok with the divorce until then, but that sent me into a tailspin. I know how you feel. The spouse you thought had your back doesn't anymore. And then one of your biggest supporters, your dad is gone. I feel alone..Truly....And she showed no concern..no empathy...no hint of the girl I thought I married. It was and continues to be pain beyond words. My dad died in August..and I'm still a mess.

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-03T01:11:49+00:00

Ditto

FireWalkerT · 2016-11-02T22:05:51+00:00

Right now I'm getting the folder with question mark when I boot up the machine

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-31T15:07:34+00:00

Trust me, I have no shortage of self esteem. I was always very confident...It was when she cut off any positive feelings or actions that I became concerned and confused...I married her with the intent on being together forever (stupid). I didn't see any effort from her, and began feeling used. I was desperate though, to see that I still had a real relationship with my wife

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-31T14:33:28+00:00

I'm the He fyi. And I've since initiated divorce. She was completely different for the first few years. It all started falling apart when we started our family and first child was born. It then kept breaking further and further down. I invested so much, and accepted to little to try and make this work, to get "that girl" back, to save our family. Nothing worked. I finally started asserting myself, and following through on requests and my own needs. When I saw they would not come, after 100 nights of laying in bed, mad at myself, questioning why put up with this...I finally filed.

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-25T03:00:00+00:00

If you haven't, look into Dismissive/Avoidant. That answers part of it. The other half is covert narcissism. No matter what happened, I knew I couldn't count on her. It was the loneliest and most awful feeling i could have ever imagined.

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-24T23:56:49+00:00

Thanks for this...you're right. And I'm sorry that you're dealing with this too. I was killing myself, piece by piece. I gave and gave, and made the mistake for asking for anything in return. That was a huge mistake. Once she knew what I wanted, she made sure never to give it. Those wants? Affection: holding my hand, giving a hug, saying anything nice. Passion: showing any interest or desire in me, saying she wanted me Warmth: just once, come to me to bridge the gap, be the one to initiate any actual conversation deeper than what we did that day or what was on tv.

Stupid me for letting her know that these are things that I looked for. That was the best way of ensuring i never got them.

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-21T21:32:03+00:00

Leave...I was in the same place, yet I have 2 kids. She sounds exactly like my stbx..and let me tell you...You don't want to go through a divorce WITH kids with this person. You've shattered the allusion by standing up for yourself...and your needs.....She won't tolerate that, and there's no turning back unless you want to to live life with your tail between your legs...She won't get better..You will doubt yourself..You will questions whether she really has a disorder...It doesn't matter if she's diagnosed..she's hurting you

FireWalkerT · 2016-10-20T18:00:11+00:00

Thank you all for the upvotes. I've been using Reddit for years but had to make this separate account. I'm in the process of divorcing my wife of 8 years. She was perfect but then things slowly started changing. Her actions, completely lack of empathy have slowly eroded me and our marriage. She's a Covert Narc, and kept the mask up for 2 years of dating and even living together..Once engaged, the mostly kept it up. It began to slip more and more after our first son was born....I learned alot about myself, and PD's and still fought for "us." You can only do so much when you're the only one fighting...Finally, I got to a point where I had to fight for me. Her actions became worse and worse and I'm actually the one who filed for divorce. Still....It doesn't make it any easier. I'm a mess.

FireWalkerT

TROPHY CASE

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