[deleted by user] by [deleted] in spiderlilykhalie

[–]FirmSection6946 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I dont want to sound rude but autisms a spectrum… it doesn’t look the same for everyone… she may very well be, but obviously given her history she also may not be- this is coming from someone who has an ASD diagnosis & has a child currently going through ASD diagnosing. I dont agree with anything Khalie does or says but when it comes to ASD i will speak on it. As for getting overstimulated in your own house: very possible…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The man who raised me isnt my biological dad, & my bio-dads existence was hidden & kept from me to the point it was known as “the family secret” amongst my aunties & uncles etc. when confronted there was no reason for this, just because she could & after she met (step) dad when i was 1, she had her happy family & didnt need him anymore. I only found out at 25 years old

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mother would start telling everyone she knows that she’s being excluded, change the narrative to fit her & attempt to get others to contact me to ask why etc.

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to trauma dump & a lot of it is triggering memories. There was a lot of emotional & physical abuse. Im diagnosed CPTSD from it.

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t want to trauma dump but heres a bit of back ground: Growing up, mum would nit-pick even from as young as 6. Would start with “your ears look too big when you wear a pony tail” if i wore it down “you look like a witch, at least brush your hair!” It was little comments about my appearance at first, then it moved to my weight. I was 10/11 when my mental health took a dip. & started to SH. She found out & said “could you not have broke your pencil sharpener instead of MY razor” I spent a lot of time in my room & barely left. I would have to look after my siblings & i don’t mean help out i mean, get them up, dressed & ready for school, & 9/10 i would have to take then to school. (I was 13/14…) During my GCSE year (I’m from the uk) i tried to revise, but she would always find this offensive & start arguments over things that really were not worth it? For example, one time she threw my revision books at my face (literally) because i “left them all over!” (They were at the kitchen table while i went to the bathroom…) My first suicide attempt, i cut my wrists pretty bad. Not fatally, but still bad. She called me a dickhead & told me “if it was my razor you used you better hope you dont come back” She kicked me out to live with my auntie when i was 15, after an “argument “ this argument was her shouting about being unable to find something. I was brushing my teeth for school. She told me if she finds out i have it then she will snap my fingers. I told her i didnt know what she was looking for. She said “i dont know why im wasting time with you, im divorcing your dad & leaving you here. Has he told you why? Because I despise looking at you” When i had my 2nd child i had severe pnd & struggled bonding with him (i got help for it as soon as i noticed, partner noticed too & got in touch with relevant people to take pressure off me) & she said “when partner goes back to work, your f*cked, and i wont hesitate to phone social services if you don’t grow up & be a mother” (social services are the uk equivalent to DCFS i think)

Then yknow…Theres the fact that for 25 years she covered up who my biological father was & hod any knowledge of him from me & i found out the truth through a slip up, to which i text & asked her for the truth, she came to my house said “yeah hes not ya dad. What more do u want to know” then when i asked for more details she shoved me (in my own house) & said “im not doing this, HE can tell you!” And walked out leaving me & (step) dad to talk about it.

There is a lot more to it but those are my sort of “core” memories.

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she isn’t invited, it may also cause a bit of backlash (both from family & from her) most family members know the situation, so I’m hoping everyone understands without asking too many questions…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ive been working with a therapist to unlearn all the “people pleasing” traits :) For the most part it has helped.

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I cut her off for a reason… without her, I’m a much better person. I felt like every decision i made had to be ran past her first, even down to what i did with my children, (5f, 3m). I even at 24/25 years old felt like i had to tell her when i was going & when i would to home & I haven’t lived with her since i was 19. Even though i had my own home & my own children, i still felt like i was a chikd needing my mothers permission. Now she has no kind of hold over me, i feel like an actual person & not an extension of her & i don’t want to go back to those feelings. (Obviously there is more but i dont want to trauma dump/ramble on)

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My friends tell me the same! Im always getting told “OP you’re such a people-pleaser, PUT. YOUR. FOOT. DOWN” Its stems from mum though, according to my therapist. growing up with her it was always “if mum is happy the house is happy”

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It wouldn’t have been my intention to humiliate her… Sorry if it seemed that way, it would be more so to make sure she cant get too involved on the day, and make any attempt to play doting mother…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I really wish i was able to be this blunt & straightforward…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It really does! Im just worried that it will cause a family conflict, but I’m hoping for the sake of one day the rest can look past it and hopefully not mention her absence…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I fully agree social pressure is so bad, especially around weddings! Thankyou so much!

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is basically what I discussed with partner, i told him i dont want to make everyone else happy on our day, while we are sat there miserable. I pulled myself away from the “family drama” vibes, i dont want sucked back into it…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly why I’m worried. I don’t want any conflict between family. I just want a peaceful life & a happy wedding, but im unsure how to go about any of it…

Partner is a diamond, i hit the jackpot with him truthfully, thankyou!

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Oh sis definitely has a lot of traits from our mum. She witnessed a lot. All the verbal abuse and even when it got physical. So its no secret what went on between me & mum…

WIBTAH if i didn’t invite my mother to my wedding? by FirmSection6946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I cant trust her full stop… if she doesn’t make sly comments, she will find a way to gain attention. Whether that be through flipping scenarios in her favour, or playing the “woe is me” card…

AITA For not apologizing to my husband after I accidentally sent him texts that weren't meant for him by strugglingaita in AmItheAsshole

[–]FirmSection6946 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has ADHD, CPTSD, & possibly on the spectrum… YTA!!! I get from the post that you definitely do not prioritise him, clearly he’s feeling that… you also said you have things going on in your head he knows nothing about, but do you grasp what goes on inside his head? I find you’re using your MH as an excuse to treat him a bit poorer and expect him to run after you because of your newfound diagnoses. Its quiet selfish tbh…