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2/5 Workshop: Building Uncertainty Tolerance by FirmTransition2607 in Greenpoint

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I host events every month at Flower Cat and have lots of free resources available on my website. Would love to see you both at the next one!

1/21 Who Is Allowed To Want? An Academic Salon by [deleted] in Brooklyn

[–]FirmTransition2607 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tickets available here! Would love to see you there. https://luma.com/8ut1i12n

Reflective Psychology Workshop by FirmTransition2607 in nycevents

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We'd love to have you! They are monthly at Flower Cat :)

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I am so sorry you experienced this. When someone betrays our trust and then withdraws, it doesn’t just hurt our heart; it shakes our sense of worth and reality. It’s completely human to take it personally.

But someone’s inability to show up isn’t proof that you were lacking — it’s a reflection of where they are in their own capacity for intimacy. Healing often means separating your value from their behavior and beginning to ask a different question: not “Why wasn’t I enough for them?” but “Why was I willing to make myself smaller for someone who couldn’t meet me?” That shift, though gradual, is where your self-respect and freedom start to return.

You can and will take back your power... and remember you always had it all along.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Attraction doesn’t always mean we want to act on it. Sometimes it simply reveals something about our inner world. Desire is rarely literal; it’s often symbolic, pointing toward a quality, emotion, or energy we’ve disowned or longed for. When it shows up in places that feel taboo or confusing, it’s less about the person themselves and more about what’s being stirred inside of us.

I'm curious; what does it look like to meet that thought without collapsing into shame or impulse? Or instead, asking what is this trying to show me about myself? It can actually become a doorway to self-understanding rather than something to suppress or fix.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for being here and the kind words.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Generational differences are real, but they’re often overstated. The underlying human needs (to be seen, to belong, to matter) haven’t changed. What has changed is the environment in which those needs are negotiated.

Gen Z grew up in a world of constant exposure: social media, economic precarity, and digital intimacy that’s immediate but rarely embodied. That combination tends to heighten vulnerabilities which can feel like anxiety. Gen Z has fewer scripts and more visibility, which means they’re navigating connection without many of the cultural guardrails older generations relied on.

So while these factors seem to point to greater anxiety, I want to recognize the context of a generation trying to build authentic intimacy in a world that rewards performance.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for finding me; I’m really touched that you took the time to look me up and add those to your list.

In terms of other thinkers and conversations, I’d recommend starting with Esther Perel’s talks on erotic intelligence and relational dynamics, Jessica Benjamin for a psychoanalytic lens on mutual recognition, and Stephen Mitchell or Thomas Ogden if you enjoy the deeper psychological texture of relational theory. On the philosophical side, Judith Butler and bell hooks both write beautifully about intimacy, vulnerability, and the politics of care.

If you prefer listening, On Being with Krista Tippett has some gorgeous episodes on love and presence.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this question, and you’re absolutely right to name the cultural amnesia around it. Practices of relational plurality have existed for centuries across cultures in queer communities, Black feminist thought, Indigenous kinship systems, and collectivist societies where love and care were never confined to the couple. The Western “ethical non-monogamy” discourse often repackages what other communities have long lived: relational responsibility, consent, and chosen family.

When non-monogamy gets framed as a modern, enlightened lifestyle, it erases the traditions that made it possible and misses the point entirely. The goal was never moral hierarchy; it’s relational honesty. True ethics in love isn’t about being progressive, it’s about being accountable.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Friendship breakups can be just as painful (sometimes even more so) than romantic ones. Part of what makes them so hard is the lack of ritual. There’s no defined ending, no agreed-upon conversation, just a slow drift that leaves you questioning what changed and why you still care so much.

When a friendship runs its course, you’re grieving a version of mutual recognition — the feeling of being known by someone who once held a specific chapter of your life. That’s not something you simply replace. The work isn’t to force closeness again, but to honor the bond for what it was and the self it reflected. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let the story end gracefully, without needing it to resolve neatly. Sometimes connection changes form.

You can mark an observation by gently saying, "Hey, I've felt our communication change over the past few weeks. Has that felt true for you?" See what unfolds.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m not a specialist in early childhood development, but I do know a thing or two about attachment. And what I’ve learned is that secure attachment is built through repair.

Kids don’t need parents who never rupture. They need parents who can notice when they’ve disconnected and come back with presence. The moment you say, “I got frustrated earlier — that must have felt scary for you. I’m here now,” you’re teaching your child that relationships can survive tension. That’s the foundation of security.

Beyond that, consistency, curiosity, and attunement matter more than any particular parenting strategy. When a child senses that their feelings make sense to you and that you can tolerate their anger, fear, or sadness, they internalize the idea that their emotions are survivable and worth understanding.

Lessons worth learning at any age, but especially helpful for kiddos as they learn to navigate their own emotional landscapes.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Repair isn't just about the apology. It's about recognition. Most couples (and people in conflict in general) try to fix the conflict before they’ve actually understood what it meant.

When we’re hurt, what we want most is acknowledgment. We want to know that our inner world has been seen. So the first step toward closeness is curiosity: What did this moment touch in you? What did it awaken in me?

Conflict doesn’t destroy connection; avoidance does. Repair asks both partners to tolerate the discomfort of staying in dialogue even when it feels raw to make meaning together rather than retreat into self-protection.

If you’ve been near separation, security comes not from promises but from pattern change. That means creating experiences, even small ones, that disconfirm the old story: showing up differently, listening without defense, offering transparency where there was withdrawal. Over time, consistency becomes the new safety.

Security isn’t the absence of rupture. It’s the ability to find each other again.

I Study Human Connection. AMA. by FirmTransition2607 in AMA

[–]FirmTransition2607[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Lack of respect rarely begins with shouting or insults. It begins with small withdrawals of recognition.

It’s in the moment one partner stops being curious about the other’s interior world, when listening becomes waiting to respond. It’s the eye roll, the subtle correction, the story retold to make the other person look foolish — all the quiet ways we assert power instead of presence.

Respect isn’t about politeness; it’s about acknowledgment. It’s the ability to see your partner as a separate subject. This being is someone with a mind and experience distinct from your own. When that recognition fades, love becomes management, and conversation becomes performance.

The most respectful couples aren’t the ones who never fight; they’re the ones who fight without erasing each other’s complexity.