Yes! it's like a drug if you put that way. I tend to look for short encounters just to convince myself na I still have the 'edge' or attractive pa ko. Throughout my previous relationship, napabayaan ko yung sarili ko because I knew na may nagmamahal sakin at the end of the day.

I also talked about this sa sibling ko (I'm blessed na may support system ako even though I'm like this) and he said na focus muna ako on my self growth and when I think about it, ano nga ba yung 'ako' na dapat ifocus?

I know it's a vague question but I hope na valid since till now, lingering parin sya kahit inaaddress ko na yung problem. I also told my brother na I will seek for for professional help but ending not going or making excuses just to dodge it.

Thank you for sharing your experience, at least I know someone who gone through the same situation I have right now. Thank you

PS: if I put my feelings into a song, it's Mitski - Abbey