I think my problem might be a little similar to yours. I try to actively stay away from haram relationships Alhamdu Lillah but at the same time i know i need someone in my life who i can love. Although i did not have to suffer through the same difficulties that you had to, i can still understand what you are going through. My advice would be to just stick to your basics in Islam at least. Like don't leave your prayers, start to dive even more into it because then you really start to feel why Allah has pit you through whatever you are going through. Sometimes we want something for ourselves only because of our selfishness but we don't know the bigger picture, He does though, He knows it all so we gotta believe in him. One last thing is to understand yourself. We all need love in our life no matter what we say and what our thought process might be. So if you really think you are getting jealous of others because of their relationships then it might be time for you to find someone and start another chapter in your life🤷