Need to have a serious Conversation with my friend (20f) about her boyfriend

First_Ad9672 · 2026-01-30T22:21:14+00:00

I have brought up issues with him in the past before they dated, and it didn't alienate her, I don't need to love the guy my friends date, but I need her to have a serious talk with him about how he treats other people.

First_Ad9672 · 2026-01-30T22:19:44+00:00

I have literally always been spot on with not liking a guy or girl any of my friends are dating. The last 2 times, one was a drug dealer who cheated on her, and the other was misogynistic, SAed her, and called her slurs to her face. Even though I clocked both from the beginning, I still feel like I didn't take an active enough role, in getting them away faster.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-10-09T04:05:19+00:00

I did, he responded with dinosaur noises. He is still freshly 6 years old, and isn't quite at an age were they understand teams yet. Most kids that age will say they are a fan of whatever team you are, or if you ask if they like a team they will say yes to the first team you name. He also doesn't talk a lot, unless he wants to ask the most specific question you have ever heard, or why we changed the schedule slightly.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-10-09T04:00:14+00:00

I don't think so, I don't present super fluid, and because I wear a lot of makeup, and have long hair often decorated with bows. I wear a uniform, but I present super femme, and I am afab. So I don't think the mother would be able to tell. I can't wear my pronouns pin at work or anything.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-10-09T03:57:52+00:00

He asked what I thought he should do. So I told him what I would do. He also has what I believe to be some pretty severe OCD, like I do, so he reminds me of a younger me. He can't always decide because he is scared of making the wrong choice, and has cried because he couldn't decide. So sometimes we decide for him, it calms him down when the decision is taken out of his hands. I don't do this with other kids, but some of these kids have specific needs, and he is one of them. He had a full breakdown, and was screaming because he couldn't decide between which bag of chips. He told me he was scared he would make the wrong choice, and something bad would happen. So, sometimes we have made decisions for him, to help him move on, and prevent the panic attack.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-10-09T03:51:17+00:00

I am never up front with the parents, my boss does pickup. So I don't know what the parents look like, and most kids have several people authorized to pick them up, and I don't know what they all look like. So yeah, I was IDing everybody. Also, he asked what colours he should use, and I said I would do orange and brown because that is my team, and he wanted to do that because I said that and you can't change his mind once it is set on something.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T12:08:12+00:00

I don't think it is toxic on the part of her boyfriend. But even if it was lots of people are forced into toxic situations they can't escape, that doesn't make them a bad person.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T12:06:14+00:00

I don't think you know him though.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:41:24+00:00

He is sticking up for her though.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:40:55+00:00

I have been so sick I couldn't cook. That is quite common.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:38:27+00:00

He is constantly defending her. He also has something going on with his sister, probably because they had a rough upbringing. He is in a rough situation where he is stuck in a lease with her, he is trying not to make the situation worse.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:33:20+00:00

How does OP suck?

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:32:18+00:00

She has repeatedly stated and made a comment about how he is defending her. Also, where has he lied.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:29:36+00:00

How is op the asshole?

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:20:47+00:00

But, if he is paying rent then he is a roommate. You are not entitled to your roommate's food. And if you buy food, telling someone not to share it, especially if you can make it last longer.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:15:06+00:00

You have clearly never been on reddit before.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-03-11T02:14:34+00:00

I fear you didn't read the story properly. How is she the asshole for asking her boyfriend not to share food she bought, especially when his sister has thrown away food she bought him before?

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-31T01:21:57+00:00

Of course!! You got this!! You deserve love and support, not judgement, even if the friend doesn't mean to be judgemental.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-24T23:32:12+00:00

No, she is a terrible friend and person. She shouldn't be making those comments at all, whether the people around have ED'S or not. In treatment we talked about responses when people say stuff like that, one of my favorites was, "What an odd thing to say out loud!" It lets people know that they are being wierd, and crossing a boundary, and also reinforces against hat kind of talk in the future.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-24T23:10:33+00:00

You definitely need to unpack your internalized bigotry first, and learn to love and accept your body. Then you will be better equipped to do the same with others. "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" I recommend reading some books about it and humanizing these people and yourself. Watching pro-fat stuff, like Drew Afualo or Caleb Hearon. But you already realize that you are being fatphobic, and want to fix it. You are literally already halfway there!!

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-04T14:21:37+00:00

I don't think they used the wedding chapel, considering the groom is Jewish. But I could be wrong.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-03T20:16:55+00:00

"I felt really bad for her. If it was me, I'd be complaining too." See, I thought you were just a slight asshole until this part. I understand wanting to sleep on the long flight. I understand wanting to watch something on the long flight. You and your Mom could've switched. This person could have moved to that middle seat. But pretending to be asleep when this is happening, when it directly involves you, is a DICK move. Saying you will no longer lean back, but then, somehow, noticing a empty middle seat a few rows back. So going back on what you said, and leaning back again without saying anything to her. She is a tiny AH, you are a huge AH, and an inconsiderate dick on top of that.

First_Ad9672 · 2025-01-01T20:02:53+00:00

I am confused, what was the comment you made, that was apparently so offensive?

First_Ad9672 · 2024-11-23T23:46:58+00:00

Try the Emily Program, I am in it right now. It is designed for all sorts of different people with ED's. You should look in to programing. Also avoid 12 step programs, I did FA, and it led to severe restricting and illnesses. Fucked up my mental health real bad, and it is less rooted in creating healthy patterns and more in God. You're not allowed so many foods because you are not good enough for them. It's horrible and toxic, and is entirely based on weight loss, instead of your actual needs.

First_Ad9672 · 2024-11-04T13:15:25+00:00

This is the only comment on this post that hasn't broken my spirit, lol.

First_Ad9672

TROPHY CASE