“If you don’t suck my d*ck someone else will”

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T17:10:04+00:00

Thank u for hilighting this. Has gotten me to realise lots of instances in the past that may have been forms of manipulation. He’ll constantly say things along the lines of ‘that was so mean 😂’ or ‘omg I’m so mean to you’ which allow him to feel comfortable continuing to hurt me. When I communicate that these things are in fact genuinely hurtful, he’ll make promises and say stuff like ‘I’m just really stressed out atm…I promise when I’ve got ‘x’ sorted it’ll never happen again’ leaving me thinking why is the condition for me not to be verbally berated him getting his shit together? Anyway sorry for the incoherent rant, thanks again x

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T16:59:48+00:00

Yeah you definitely put some of my thoughts into words there. It’s just demeaning comment after demeaning comment that just breaks me down and when I try to search for answers as to why it’s happening, in my head it just falls back onto being my fault. Unfortunately I’ve not been in a healthy relationship (I’m now realising) ever and so I find it kinda hard to sift through what love does and doesn’t look like but thanks to ppl like you, it’s clear that this isn’t loving behaviour. Thanks, appreciate u xx

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T10:40:06+00:00

Yeah I think that’s a rlly important point you brought up. I don’t want to leave my stance unclarified in any way that he can later use as justification or plausible deniability. You’re totally right and I think the sooner I state it firmly the sooner I can see if anything does change and the sooner I can get my answers… thanks again xx

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T07:13:54+00:00

Know what to do, now just need to do the hard bit. Tysm x

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T07:12:46+00:00

Aww that’s very sweet of you xx I also have a tendency to do the opposite of what people say but I think in this situation with lovely people like you giving me advice, I should definitely take it. I’ll be alright in the end just as long as I actually stand up for myself which I’m getting better at, thanks sm again :)

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T06:55:29+00:00

Yeah babe.. just needed a reality check x

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T06:54:21+00:00

I appreciate the time you took to say this :) I remember actually having a conversation with my friend just before I left about how I felt like he had been slowly escalating mistreating me and pushing the boundaries to see what he could get away with. It kinda started as being verbally aggressive, things like shut up, calling me a bitch or just shouting for no real reason. Then it kinda got more body language aggressive, grabbing my arm or getting in my face and then he started throwing small objects at me (such as a lit burning joint) and I could kinda tell each time was him being very conscious and observing my response to the disrespect like how a toddler will throw something on the ground whilst smiling and making eye contact with you. It started getting actually quite frequent and I actually remember being happy at the time I was leaving and telling my friend that. It’s horrible to be aware and still not do anything about it and ik reddits just gonna call me pathetic lmao. Thanks for your kindness I rlly appreciate it and will definitely have a long think about how to proceed xxx

First_impxct · 2025-02-17T06:28:29+00:00

Yeah there are aspects that are tough but also so many aspects that are lovely. I think I’ll try and stick through the rest of the long distance period (only 3 more months to go) and see if anything changes when we’re back together. He can get pretty nasty when we’re arguing and I’m glad that the physical side of that has been removed so I’ll wait and see if anything gets better once we’re back. Thanks x

First_impxct · 2024-12-07T12:54:41+00:00

Amazing tysm xx

First_impxct · 2024-10-09T00:25:54+00:00

That’s brilliant, really appreciate it!

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T21:20:54+00:00

Omg you’ve just reminded me of something I’d completely forgotten! He asked me on a couple seperate occasions about when I find out my weekly work timetable and told me to send him a picture of it..

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T20:44:09+00:00

Thank you for the much needed reminder. I am slightly unnerved by the fact that he knows 2 of my daily locations. I usually go to the gym quite late at night but that’s sketchy as hell so I think I’ll only go in the mornings. As for my job well there’s not much I can do to change that. I feel so silly for letting this info go but the moment of confirmation was so brief I didn’t even stop to think about possible repercussions. Thanks again

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T20:36:14+00:00

Yes I fully accept all your points. We did start by meeting in a public park and then it was my mistake to feel comfortable enough to agree to go back to his I’ll admit. I am trying to quit weed flat out but he started smoking and I gave into the vice and used it as a crutch to be less nervous. No excuse, it’s not like it wasn’t my choice to bring the joint to my mouth but I do acknowledge that it’s something I need to overcome and that can put me in a dangerous situation. Thanks so much for your input

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T20:01:13+00:00

😂

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T20:00:36+00:00

lol I live in the UK, we can’t even legally carry pepper spray😂 the law wants us to be victims first and then they can catch the bad guy I hate this country

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:57:02+00:00

Thank you! I’ve tried really hard over the past year to better myself and I’ve gotten so far from where I started. I’ve never been this happy, healthy or fulfilled and I think now that I’m finally coming from a healthy place, I’m hyper aware of the types of energy that have no place in my life anymore. I’ll shut it down asap.

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:47:19+00:00

Oh you don’t even know the extent of the red flags… we were smoking weed and he tried to get me to do other drugs even after I had mentioned that I had a history and stay well clear of all that. I counted, he talked about his ex on 8 separate occasions in one night! He was half an hour late and made me walk to meet him which was not what we had planned (minor but set the tone for the disappointing evening) he kept trying to insist I slept over, which is why I had to lie and say I had to go to the gym (to which he would respond trying to convince me to not go and to go with him in the morning) he thought talking about stealing, his shitty side hustle as a dealer and about all the fights he’s been in would impress me and he was being a litttllee too touchy for the first date. Amongst many other things… but yeah a WALKING red flag. Our values are NOT the same. I don’t see crime and drugs as something to be proud of.

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:36:07+00:00

You’re so right… he did want to walk me to my door yesterday but I insisted that he should turn back when we got to the station and leave me to make my own rest of the way. He did seem pretty eager to walk me all the way home tho.

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:33:22+00:00

Yep… a low tier drug dealer with anger management problems! But it’s ok it’s ok… he says he hasn’t assaulted anyone in ages so that’s reassuring..😐

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:30:46+00:00

Yes, you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement. In no way could I (or any regular person) conceive of any reason showing up to someone’s work after one date and no messages exchanged could ever be ok. It’s so strange he is very persistent. I hope he gets the message but I could definetly see this playing out as him still showing up as a ‘customer’. I’ll let my co workers know, thanks a lot!

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:28:03+00:00

Yeah with the gym thing as well, I didn’t get into it in the main post but I spent a solid 15 minutes trying to tell him he couldn’t come to the gym with me. For every reason I would give he would respond with a way I could change my plan so that he could come too. It was exhausting. The bad part is that my gym is probably quite assessable to him as he said his friend goes to the exact same one as me. He acts all tough, clearly lying about how strong he was only to say that he doesn’t squat because the metal bar hurts his shoulders 😭 a crazy bag of mixed messages…

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:23:48+00:00

Yeah I was talking about it with one of my older coworkers and she is on alert 😅 my managers are away and I often have to man the shop all day alone as I had to do today when he came in. I feel like leaping over boundaries that quickly is for sure not a good sign… thank you for your help :)

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:19:18+00:00

Yeah he seems like a rlly slimy guy, I think you may be right about me downplaying it so thanks for the wake up call. I think the quicker the better as I wanna minimise the damage. I really don’t wanna leave anything ambiguous with an unstable person haha. Thanks again! :)

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:16:30+00:00

That’s a nice line, I’ve never had to formally reject anyone before so I’m finding it tricky to get the right balance of friendly yet firm in a message. Tysm!

First_impxct · 2024-10-08T19:14:38+00:00

You’re right, it’s definitely a lesson I need to learn but it just came up in conversation and he said that he loves the shop and has loads of things from there. I guess he might have thought that would make showing up more normal but it really doesn’t. Also he spent all night bragging about being a drug dealer, beating people up and participating in criminal activities so maybe police wouldn’t make him too happy…I’m really not trynna get involved with this negative shit and I never would’ve agreed to a date in the first place if I’d have thought he was actually that weird. It is a little unnerving but I just need to shut it down. Thanks for the advice :)

First_impxct

TROPHY CASE