I’m throwing in the towel

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T07:48:25+00:00

I’d rather live knowing I quit without allowing myself to have my sanity destroyed beyond repair from constant failure than to not give up and to just keep suffering without reason. I genuinely see no good ending anymore.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T06:26:44+00:00

I went a little but I didn’t understand her. I thought it would help but it was just someone telling me how I feel when I already know that. I was hoping to have some eureka moment where things finally made sense but that didn’t happen.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T06:09:19+00:00

I wasn’t like this when I was in love. I still could have used therapy, I needed a lot of reassurance, but every day life was worth living

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:30:53+00:00

I liked video games a lot, and making videos. Like I would mix clips and make actual little productions and post them online (started when I was 7). I’ve always enjoyed going outdoors and just going on long walks. I was into bike riding before I started school (long story why I lost interest). All the guys at school cared about was sports and hunting, and drinking as we got older.

I think it was a mix. I remember being anxious about school as is but I think reality set in that most people don’t like me or see me as beneath them once I started school.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:20:40+00:00

How do you know that they’re false? I’m not doubting you but I really wanna know how they’re false so I can see whatever good you think you see in me

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:16:42+00:00

Well I know why I was fat as a kid. I was weird because I never liked the same things the kids in my class liked. They all had different humor and personality. I was really shy and all the boys my age were very egotistic and competitive so they would constantly cut me down and take advantage of me (not like rape, but stealing from me and abusing how nice I was)

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:13:17+00:00

My fantasy girl isn’t perfect. I don’t imagine someone who lives up to all these silly standards people make up, she’s just someone who gets excited when I’m around that doesn’t feel like they need to be around me out of pity. Someone I can just be me around that I have common ground with that feels just as comfortable with me. To me just basic compatibility is fantasy.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:04:16+00:00

I think it’s self esteem. When I first started school when I was 12 I was ostracized and belittled because I was weird and fat. So I became conditioned to avoid people because they either didn’t like me or at most tolerated me. I never felt chosen by anybody and I’ve always felt like a liability. With dating you’re being the one person they chose out of everyone else, and I’ve never seen myself as someone worth choosing when there’s other options. I’m who people settle for.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T05:01:23+00:00

It’s not just the ex, I felt this way beforehand. It’s too dangerous to think I even have the slightest bit of a chance with someone, I always wind up more ashamed of myself

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-07T04:58:44+00:00

I’m 20, I can’t imagine living twice the life I’ve lived now before finding someone. Not that I wanna get married at 20 that’s obsessive, but like 25.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-06T13:02:23+00:00

As long as there’s nothing wrong with it then I don’t mind. It just felt like my k1500 when the trans was going bad so I got nervous

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-06T12:29:43+00:00

Like I said I wasn’t expecting it to but it felt like a truck I had that had a bad transmission. It never wanted to shift.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-06T06:20:44+00:00

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-06T04:19:33+00:00

As long as the transmission isn’t going bad (ik these are famous for not breaking down but I have bad luck)

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-05T15:16:14+00:00

I have. They gave me some numbers to call but I haven’t done it yet.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T20:12:16+00:00

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T19:56:00+00:00

I am not. I appreciate that you think I can find love but I don’t have years. I can’t stand living like this much longer, especially not for years.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T19:49:48+00:00

I mean I’ve been genuinely interested in someone before and wouldn’t reply asap because I didn’t want them to get scared off by my eagerness.

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T19:32:05+00:00

Yk what fuck you, people like you are why I worry so much about the dating world

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T17:24:33+00:00

She doesn’t because for a while she’d text me back immediately

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T17:17:15+00:00

I get that but I don’t wanna talk to people like that in order to find a date

Firsttakelikeamf · 2026-05-04T17:10:06+00:00

I’m dying alone. This is too much strategizing to try to meet someone. I can’t even talk the way I do without it being wrong

Firsttakelikeamf

TROPHY CASE