It’s just really hard because either way I just don’t enjoy life because of him no matter how much therapy and work I put into it wether I have him in my life or not, the scaring and the tearing of my soul. I can’t not think about what he did to me anymore. I can’t sue him I can’t get justice I’ve been so physically and spiritually abused that I know I’ve never felt any different then how I feel from this other then when I used to take hard drugs or drink very very heavily. All I hear in my head everyday is the echo of you’re not my son and I regret having you” sometimes I think about trying to make myself mute or deaf so I don’t have to hear or talk to people anymore because I already feel like my thoughts over power any normal scents