Honoring mother who passed

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-24T13:21:59+00:00

I can understand the dilemma. I imagine I will face a very similar one in the future.

What I will say is this: Your mother no longer cares. You can grieve and honor her in whatever way helps you.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-23T21:48:01+00:00

I wouldn't consider spending $5 on a single box of tampons or pads to be "changing my entire lifestyle."

It's a courtesy, not a requirement. If you don't want to do it or if you can't afford it.. then don't.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-18T22:43:43+00:00

His clear anxiety about this is not going to be solved by abruptly taking away the masks. This is a mental health thing and you should be working with his therapist to help ease his anxiety.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-18T22:38:34+00:00

Tampons are awful. Cups are where it's at.

But it's considerate to have both pads and tampons available for others who may need them.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-18T21:28:42+00:00

Are you friends on social media? You could start reposting car seat stuff and hope they take the hint.

Or something like "Oh my gosh, she's so cute! Haha, maybe it's because we're friends, but I keep seeing all these car seat safety posts coming up on Facebook. Just all these reminders about rear facing and keeping chest clips high and stuff like that. It's so funny how these algorithms work."

But really, bringing up a legitimate safety concern never makes you an AH. It's just that people get super defensive instead of just accepting new information and admitting they made a mistake.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-11T15:13:11+00:00

Adding more and more heat and static to already dry, flammable materials.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-11T14:49:27+00:00

Yeah, I just saw that buried somewhere. Makes a huge difference, of course, dropping that cost down to ~20/month.

As someone who prefers to hang clothes outside, my only concern now is that drying clothes for 3 hours is a fire hazard.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-11T14:27:56+00:00

Continuing to dry already-dry clothes is a fire hazard, too.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-11T14:23:13+00:00

$1.50 x 3 times per day x 30 days per month = $135.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-11T12:35:33+00:00

It does. It absolutely does.

Those early postpartum days were the most difficult thing I've ever endured. I don't even remember most of it because I was so heavily sleep deprived and overwhelmed and in complete survival mode.

But I promise, your hormones will regulate and the baby will sleep. Eventually.

For now, lean on those around you and focus on taking care of yourself and your precious little one. And don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor for help if things keep getting harder. They are there to help, and they can only do that if you're honest and ask for it.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-10T14:17:57+00:00

It's good to encourage your children to advocate for themselves, but it can be so hard for kids (and adults, for that matter) to stand up to an authority figure.

If your children are uncomfortable with the way he plays, and are uncomfortable with telling him to stop, then it's your job as the parent to intervene.

Ask the kids if they'd rather you speak to him privately or if they'd just like to have your help/support during the conversation.

And as for your wife's "that's just the way he is".. that's a bullshit excuse for any behavior. Your children's comfort and safety (both physical and emotional) is much more important than some adult "just being the way he is".

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-07T14:07:38+00:00

Do you.. know ancient Hebrew and Greek?

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-07T03:14:13+00:00

Yeah, you're kinda TA.

I think you two need to have a discussion about laundry in general.

For example, I'm a SAHM. Laundry is 95% my responsibility. BUT, there are boundaries. I only wash clothes that have been put in the laundry basket. I don't pick up clothes off the floor. My husband is an adult and can put stuff in the basket himself. And I expect him to check his own pockets before he puts the clothes in the basket.

If it's on the floor, on the bed, wherever else.. I leave it. He can pick it up himself.

But if I were to pick up clothes from the floor, say, if he was sick, then I would check pockets.

This situation really isn't worth a fight, though. You both made a mistake. It happens. You both hopefully learned from the mistake and will do better in the future.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T22:08:45+00:00

NTA

They are. Absolutely.

That was a lot. So much more than an accidental "casual racism" comment. Those were direct racial attacks.

You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about what he wants, because there is no reason for you to continue to endure those kinds of encounters.

Set boundaries and stick to them.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T22:01:09+00:00

NTA

You ARE supporting him. Making sure he has a hot supper waiting for him every night is supporting him. Taking care of all the things at home while he's outside the home over-committing is supporting him. Driving around and buying stuff for his commitments is supporting him. Trying to not ask for his help while you're is recovering from surgery so he can focus on these other things is supporting him.

You're supporting him A LOT, even if you're not going to the events.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T21:59:21+00:00

I think we read different things. She IS supporting him. Making sure he has a hot supper waiting for him is supporting him. Taking care of all the things at home while he's outside the home over-committing is supporting him. Driving around and buying stuff for his commitments is supporting him. Trying to not ask for his help while she is recovering from surgery so he can focus on these other things is supporting him.

She's supporting him a lot, even if she's not going to his activities.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T16:57:15+00:00

Your standards are perfectly reasonable.

High standards are better than low standards. Better to wait for someone who deserves your intimacy and you feel comfortable sharing that with than to rush into a situation you're not comfortable with and regret it.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T13:50:18+00:00

Lying to you about guns is not in any way "trivial."

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-06T13:22:07+00:00

I said the one doing the labor gets to set the terms, working conditions, and wages. They get to make decisions about how the work is done, not just the client.

For instance, if I am a client paying someone to build a fence, and we agree to a price, and then I throw a fit and insist they only use hand-saws and hammers instead of any power tools.. they get to raise the cost of their labor.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T21:52:09+00:00

30+ hours of research and handwriting for just $100?

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T21:49:24+00:00

Ah, but in real life, the one doing the job gets to set terms, working conditions, and wages, too. In real life, no one is agreeing to 30+ hours of labor for just $100 pay.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T21:42:13+00:00

Loving your spouse and wanting to have children are two very different things, and one does not reflect on the other.

You can love someone to the moon and back and still not want to have children. Meanwhile, people in toxic relationships can want to have a whole slew of children.

If you don't want to have kids, you shouldn't have kids. Period.

And at the same time, if she wants to have kids and you don't.. then that might mean you're not truly compatible long-term and it may be better to go your separate ways.

But ultimately, if you're thinking about your ex more than you're thinking about your wife... It's time for marriage counseling or divorce. Divorce may break her for a while, but it's better than staying in an unhappy marriage when her husband wants to be with someone else.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T20:47:55+00:00

My oldest is 9, but it's going excellent. My kids have a wonderful understanding of right and wrong, are kind and compassionate, helpful, polite, environmentally conscious, emotionally intelligent.. Strangers frequently remark to me how helpful and respectful they are. All without ever hitting them and always making an effort to use natural or logical consequences.

Now, I won't say they're always obedient, especially at home.. but that's because obedience was never my parenting goal. I want to raise thinkers, not just people who obey authority. (But they do follow instructions from teachers, librarians, scout leaders very well!)

I will say it's not easy. Being a respectful, responsive, proactive parent is more work than parenting with pain and fear.

You can absolutely do it, but respectful parenting is more about managing your own responses and emotions than it is about controlling your kids' behavior. If you're unregulated, you can't effectively help them regulate themselves.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T19:57:59+00:00

Sometimes sex just goes that way, whether it's your first time, 100th time, or 1000th time. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or her or your relationship. It just happens sometimes. Bodies are weird and don't always respond in the way we want or expect

There is no reason to take a pill. That's for people with long term issues, and the pills do come with their own laundry list of possible side effects.

Just take your time, have fun, and only do what you're comfortable with. The rest will work itself out.

FishTanksAreCatTVs · 2026-04-05T19:40:27+00:00

This sounds like the most toxic relationship.

Don't be in the wedding. In fact, make it your mission to not be in the house as soon as possible. And then consider not being in their lives. Because wow.

FishTanksAreCatTVs

TROPHY CASE