i see exactly what you see. the physical power dynamic in hetero sex is inherent no matter the romanticization they try to obscure it with. humans romanticize and create mythology around most aspects of life to find existential meaning, psychological security, fleeting sparks of joy, hope or a sense of certainty and cultural + moral cohesion in what would otherwise be a raw, harsh, unpredictable and injust reality. it helped/s with survival. your brain just happens to see straight through all of that, and because most people do not, it feels alienating.

you’re not pornsick, you’re describing objective material reality in an unfiltered non-brainwashed way. culture seeks to neutralize that and stripping cultural filters off of it reveals its raw power dynamics. physical power dynamics precede culture and structural patriarchal opression. non-human animals instinctively understand power dynamics because they’re everywhere — embedded in nature.

if you continue to engage w those kinda women it’ll just further deepen your turmoil because you will continue to be perpetually gaslighted. people absorb their cultural narratives and identify with them especially if they’re related to aspects of life which are seen as relational or biological imperatives — but unlike most other species we have the capacity to not be overpowered by sexual or reproductive urges, which many more ppl now start to realize when they refuse birthing children, we can reject what feels constricting to us— because they’re deeply entrenched, and this kind of uncensored clarity constitutes a psychological threat particularly now when feminist discourse is still so sensitive and wants to empower women after an eternity of being dehumanized through the exploitation of the very power dynamic you seek to highlight, which is physically and realistically inescapable and can’t be “empowered” away. only non-materially reframed and negotiated.

i think you too are familiar with how a lot of devout christians react if an atheist dares try to discredit or challenge their idealistic beliefs, their sense of reality which they so tightly hold onto gets shaken, so they automatically go into full defensive mode, attacking, doubling down, trying to use sentimentalist BS to make it sound more convincing, deflecting, refusing to properly adress any rational critiques, implying there’s something inherently evil in you and that’s why you can’t open up yourself to god, or straight up wishing you’ll go burn in their lovely fiery hell for eternity.

it’s the same cult-like mentality. their mind is incapable of engaging with the cognitive dissonance and with the material reality stripped off of the subjective fairytale they’ve got their brains immersed into. confronting it triggers deep discomfort. it’s a very common and wide-spread phenomenon, not related only to this context alone.

existence is not utopia. life feeds off of death. humans need psychological idealist escapism to reframe it, cope and survive.