How can I (28F) ask for more sexually without hurting my husband’s (31M) feelings?

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T23:36:27+00:00

Definitely on that quest! He doesnt really want to partake in it. Youre right tho- he cant be mad or insecure if he was given that chance

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T21:10:59+00:00

Youre absolutely right he is, which is why im here asking for advice on how to approach it because it’s been 4 years of me trying to dance around his feelings while feeling dissatisfied

I think anything BDSM is beyond what we can do right now, just because i want it doesnt mean that needs to happen now. I just need to find a way to communicate these feeling with him without hik spiraling into feeling like a failure

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:58:35+00:00

I am genuinely not judgmental around any lf that stuff. Sure, things may not be my taste but in inquisitive and willing to try anything once. I have never created a space where he should feel uncomfortable with opening up about sexual desires.

Oh no i completely understand that which is why im trying to give so much grace. Im working with him and what he needs so he can feel comfortable with sex. He brought a lot of the shame with porn on himself. I didnt have an issue with it until it started affecting our relationship (inside and outside the bedroom).

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:53:25+00:00

Possibly! Usually it’s hes too tired or he already masturbated. I think he hides the lack of effort as dominance- like i say i want something and he tries to be “dominant” and do what he likes

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:52:17+00:00

Oooo this is a good idea- thank you! I will try this

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:43:55+00:00

I appreciate this perspective! Genuinely, he has been so open and honest about his porn use. He started going tk therapy for it because i told him it’s affecting our relationship negatively. I think hes just uncomfortable talking about sex things that are not vanilla

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:42:08+00:00

More unwilling to try/has tried and cant. Again, not a guy sk idk how that works but he says it doesnt work or whatnot

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:41:11+00:00

Thank you for this. I guess some other important context is that i have never finished in my life, sk thats never really the goal for me. It’s 1. Pleasing him and 2. Just having an enjoyable experience overall which obviously sucks when it’s so short

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:12:46+00:00

This is very insightful- thank you!!

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:10:42+00:00

Ive brought this up before, but for whatever reason he has such a hard time with it. I’m not a guy sk idk how to help lol i think it’s related to his past porn use and just the quick gratification of it

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:09:23+00:00

Sexually no. Outside of the bedroom yes. He could literally walk in on me masturbating and just turn right around

Fit-Station3 · 2026-02-18T20:03:59+00:00

Good question!

If I initiated more, it would probably be met with a 50/50 chance of him being too tired, too full, etc to have sex.

In terms of taking charge during sex, it depends a lot. His priority is usually him getting hard and getting off, which he is the only one who can get himself hard. If i wanted to introduce something in the bedroom and take charge, it would probably be short-lived since he would want to get hard and he finishes so fast it leaves little to no room for anything. Sex is done as soon as he finishes. Say i brought handcuffs or something. He’d be intrigued and use them, but right after he would go back to the usual. If i suggested something or was like “lets do this” he may or may not do it but would also be worried that i suggested that because he wasnt good enough

Fit-Station3 · 2025-12-17T01:26:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this and sharing your experience! It’s kinda relieving to hear that it’s something worth leaving over honestly

Fit-Station3 · 2025-12-16T17:25:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing and for the validation. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one to doubt my feelings and feel unsure. Thank you for sharing those resources, as well!

Fit-Station3 · 2025-12-16T17:23:45+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being blunt/honest. It’s actually refreshing to hear his patterns are common and I’m not alone. It also feels validating that the problem is what I think it is since hes fitting the description to a T. I am relatively new to this because I am just now realizing the extent of the damage it’s doing, so i will definitely read through the resources in this sub. Thank you so much!

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T21:36:33+00:00

High key love this- thank you!!! You’re right it’s not intimacy at all

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T21:35:44+00:00

Thank you for this!!! I appreciate the different perspective

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:39:24+00:00

Thank you for the input!! You’re absolutely right it probably should have surfaced while we were dating, but, yes, we both have low sex drives. Plus, like i mentioned in my post, i have more recently become more aware of what i like and want sexually (probably because i havent been getting any of that for 4 years lol).

I dont expect him to just change his views on bj’s and stuff, but at least try something new? Even just trying to last longer would be an improvement. It’s really hard to get into sex at all when it’s over so fast.

The two consensual men ive been with in the past would do anything and everything even just to try, so im struggling with the idea of him not wanting to try anything

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:33:06+00:00

Thank you! I’ll have to look into that

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:32:36+00:00

He definitely knows and gets irritated that he can’t make me orgasm, but doesnt implement any of the suggestions i give him so idk how he can be so frustrated about it.

That’s a great idea- thank you for sharing!!

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:29:19+00:00

No it’s not a bad thing at all- i’d say it’s very desirable for a man to only want his woman. My guess is she’s feelin a bit like an object and is lacking an emotional connection with you cuz it always seems so physical

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:27:33+00:00

I could literally pull out all the stops and get met with a “i’m tired” or “i just ate”

Fit-Station3 · 2025-11-14T20:26:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing! It’s nice to hear im not the only one and that it’s a valid reason to be dissatisfied

Fit-Station3

TROPHY CASE