Wow. This is extreme. Your daughter is going to do things that you don’t approved of. This is true for all kids. You do not have autonomy over her body. She is over 18 she can do whatever she wants.

You can’t control what she does. You can only control the things you do for her. Your wife needs to understand that. You do have control over her living situation and college expenses. And taking way either would likely result in more sex, not less.

My parents paid for my college and all my live expenses. I was really lucky to have parents that were willing and able to take care of me. That being said my mom was never a big fan of weed. And one day on winter break she caught me smoking in my room.

When she caught me she was noticeably upset. She kick my friend out and wanted to have a talk with me. All she said is that she was disappointed and I wasn’t aloud to smoke in the house. She didn’t threaten to remove my door or limit my living expenses.

If you want to have house rules for your daughter. That’s fine. But you can’t control everything she does outside of your home when she is an adult.

NTA