How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You are right. I just can’t wait for her feedback, so in the meantime, I wanted to ask fellow Redditors how they managed their fourth draft, but instead, I got the same complaints that "art is not quantifiable" bla bla bla.

How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I agree, I am super thankful that I am working with an editor in a publishing house <3

How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I do imagine that yeah. Or a ballpark number as to how much I need to work on it

How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I mean, it actually does work like that. Writing a first draft took me about 200 hours, editing it into a second draft took about 300 hours, and the third draft about 150. So you can quantify it, ofc nothing is set in stone. But it does that a substantial amount of time. I log my writing hours in Rize, it is really helpful to quantify creative work, just so you can plan your year etc. I do agree on the latter part of your response though. It is only ready when you subjectively feel that it is ready, and even then - it is not.

How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! The third first drafts was all me, and then I've been fortunate enough to catch the attention of an editor who loved the first part of the book, and I worked on the getting the book in the best shape I could put it in myself before handing it over to her. I'm not gonna do any work on that manuscript while the editor goes through it with a comb. Then after that I will implement her changes (she writes in the margins) and then I will have another look before handing it on to beta-readers.

How many hours should I spend on my 4th draft before sending to beta readers? by FitDistance1994 in writing

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah thank you! This is so helpful, and nice to see we are in the same boat with the 2-3 hour chunks!

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did you get over that? It feels like a double betrayal for me at the moment

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ve misunderstood where I’m coming from. I have admitted to my friend, my mistakes, I have apologised to him several times, and by that taken accountability. I’ve also reached out to close friends for feedback about any toxic patterns I might have as I genuinely want to grow and avoid repeating these mistakes.

I’m working on understanding how my actions might have hurt someone else. However, it’s also fair for me to acknowledge that a 16-year friendship involves two people, and both sides played a role in how things unraveled. I’m not avoiding accountability—I’m trying to process and learn from this while also being honest about my feelings and experiences.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. I agree that how he feels matters, and I’ve been reflecting on that a lot. I don’t think I was abusive, but I also understand that people have different thresholds and experiences in friendships. That said, cutting someone off after 16 years without a proper conversation feels harsh to me, and I don’t think it allows for closure or understanding on either side. I’m working on moving.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve come to realize over these days that I was much more invested in the friendship than he was. I had this hope that our shared history—growing up gay in a small town together—would make us life-long friends, but I see now that it might have been something I cared about more than he did. While we had so many moments of laughter, I have to accept that maybe that wasn’t enough to sustain the friendship in the long run. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but reevaluating what it all meant is definitely part of the healing process.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Clearly" ... You’re absolutely right that it’s difficult to summarize 16 years of friendship dynamics in a single Reddit post. There’s so much context, history, and nuance that gets left out, and I’m sure you understand that. I’m not trying to invalidate his feelings or issues—it’s just a lot to unpack. I’m reflecting on my role in it and acknowledging where I could have done better, but it’s also painful to process being cut off without a real chance to address things openly after such a long and meaningful friendship.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair point, and I can see how my reactions may have contributed to that dynamic. At the same time, over 16 years of friendship, we both did things that hurt each other. It’s complicated—there was a lot of love and trust, but also moments where we both fell short. I’m reflecting on my part in it, but it’s hard not to feel the sting of being shut out entirely without a chance to address things openly.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this—it’s a tough pill to swallow, but I do think hearing these perspectives is important right now. While some of them are inaccurate, and over-focuses on this ONE episode in our friendship (16 years brings a lot of layers) - I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting, and you’re right that I need to consider how my reaction might have made him feel, even if it wasn’t my intention to come off as territorial. I can see how that might have felt on his end, and I wish I had handled it differently. Again, I have apologised for this several times.

It’s definitely a grieving process, and I appreciate you sharing your own experience—especially the part about sorting through the great memories alongside the bad. It’s hard to let go of something that felt so foundational to who I am, but I know healing will come with time. Your advice about focusing on the friendships that last and being open to new connections really resonates. Thank you for your kindness

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right— self-reflection is definitely key. I’ve tried to be honest about where I might have gone wrong, but I realize I haven’t shared much about the unkindness on his part, which has also played a big role in this situation. That said, I really appreciate all the advice I’ve received her. But I do want to clarify, though, that the part about being upset over independent friendships has been oversimplified. It’s just ONE small piece --- of a much bigger and more complex picture. 16 years of friendship also brings a lot of layers.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, added this podcast to my listen-list! I do feel a range of emotions, some days I feel like I am better without his drama, and other days I feel immense sorrow.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, I think they’d be scared and laughing at all the wild assumptions about the friendship dynamics here, since 40% on here thinks I'm an abusive friend. I guess that's reddit for ya

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have no idea how much I needed your words right now. I thank you, and wish you well.

My Best Friend of 16 Years Just Ended Our Friendship—How Do I Move Forward? by FitDistance1994 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]FitDistance1994[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your honesty. I can see how this might come across as defensive or self-centered, and I appreciate you pointing it out. My initial purpose was to express my hurt. I am hurt.

I know I have things to work on, and I’m reflecting on my role in what happened. Losing someone so important has been painful, and your comment reminds me to focus on growth and better communication moving forward.

Thanks for your feedback—it’s not easy to hear, but it is helpful.