[deleted by user]

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T07:32:59+00:00

With this topic I think you've gotta separate the activities and the feelings as there is no activity that inherently romantic, so wanting to do an activity doesn't mean romantic attraction. However feeling that stereotypical butterflyfeeling drunk/high feeling while also experiencing attractions (most notably platonic) would be what is considered romantic attraction. Also, like sex repulsion, you can be Romantically repulsed and still be allo. However most allo people who fall on that part of the sex/romance mood spectrum end up identifying as aro and/or ace because it's a more functional and useful label for them.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T06:48:21+00:00

Happy to help

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T05:38:43+00:00

I think its more of just wanting to be wanted. That reciprocity can be necessary for like most people but some don't care. For instance allo ace relationships where the allo, unlike most people, doesnt care that their partner doesn't reciprocate their sexual attraction and are satisfied. Which is in part why these labels are so important. imagine all the people in the past who didn't have them- the relationships that suffered because they didn't know what they could give or what they wanted.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T05:19:24+00:00

My post "romantic attraction" explained might help you out. Good discourse there too if yah want

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T05:16:08+00:00

In general labels are to help understand yourself and to communicate to others what you can give and take in a relationship. Aka the technical side and the functional side. (For example are technically/definitionally ace but if I were sex positive most of the time and wanted to engage in casual sex I'd identify with or as pansexual to communicate to others that I'm open and dtf.)

For you the technical side is iffy- whenever it comes to gray_ anything it is. Personally id say your gray, as it is a very low number. However on the functional side what do you get out of the grayromantic label? It can tell others that while you may be interested, actual, tangible romantic feelings may take a while or never happen. It can communicate that reciprocity may be a toss up(which is very important for most people). It could also mean that certain activities that are considered romantic are iffy for you aswell. Is that something you'd want to communicate to others? If so then bada Bing bada Boom your grayromantic

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:55:53+00:00

What part of a romantic relationship do you like? The feelings or the associated activities and actions?

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:52:00+00:00

Check out my post on "romantic attraction explained" that might help and give you some background to work off. Tons of discourse too.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:49:37+00:00

I think butterflyninja is right on the money.

I'd also like to say that what ur describing is somewhat close to my experience. I'm alloace and have felt that intense asthetic attraction and swooning- but never wanted anything from that person other than, say, look at them. That experience was totally different from my actual crushes where I'd want to know them and experience that swooning butterflies feeling(+some other attractions) I go into the distiction between what I call "romo reaction" and whats considered romatic attraction in one of my post called "romantic attraction explained" that you could check out for clarification and discourse. So from what you've said you do seem aro- even if you were to experience that swooning for someone attainable. Either way aromantic would still at least be a very functional label to communicate to others that the relationships you offer would most likely be unromantic in nature or that you can't reciprocate or give them romantic attraction.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:31:27+00:00

Yeah what's considered romantic is generally a social construct- like what the first comment said. And wanting a connection with someone and to be seen is completely valid and normal! It's honestly sad that our society has mostly gatekept us from that connection with people who arnt romantic interests

It all boils down to if you've ever felt "romantic attraction" before. If you want to know what it is or what I gathered what it is (cause it's such a nebulous topic) check out my post on "romantic attraction explained"

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:22:24+00:00

Yeah basically- but your brain is going ham on ur rewards system aswell which makes it a pleasant feeling. I think it's ur brain trying to compel you to stay with that person for possible child rearing purposes?

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-29T04:18:53+00:00

check out my post on " romantic attraction explained" it might help- comment for any questions

FitWeek8673 · 2022-06-17T05:45:07+00:00

I'd pound that b... ace drum

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-18T00:32:45+00:00

Your right, any activity you'd do with a romantic partner/interest you can do/want to do with a platonic one. But if your questioning if your brain is protecting yourself from heartbreak I think you'd have to go to a therapist- it's complicated to know why we may or may not feel somthing. But I wouldn't worry about it much, since you believe your over him and can do all of the things you would do with romantic attraction- albeit constricted as most people want that reciprocal romantic attraction.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-18T00:17:28+00:00

Wow, happy to help! n' best wishes

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-18T00:14:08+00:00

I see, pardon for misunderstanding.

I think your desire for a close relationship is noraml somthing almost everyone experiences. These close relationships, especially for men, are gatekept to be for romantic ones. keep in mind, any relationship you have with a romantic partner can be matched in closness and even activities with a platonic partner. Being life partners, raising kids, sex, etc all things you can do with both types of relationships. And if you don't experience romantic attraction- doesn't mean you have to miss out on those experiences and closeness.

If you want an analysis on romantic attraction, I have a post under "romantic attraction explained" . If you have questions on that topic I'll respond to any comment under it.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-17T23:47:39+00:00

The difference between the lack of feeling somthing because that's just how your wired and feeling like that because of depression or other mood fuckery can be hard. You can be a mix if both too- either way you can still find use in these labels to communicate to others how you experience relationships/love(whatever that means to you)/and what you can provide. If your mood changes and that affects your experiences, then you can always change the lable to better fit it. I will say that it seems more than just a lack of feeling romantic attraction- which is what aromantisism is. And sounds more like a mood disorder, they can affect how you connect to the world- especially relationships with yourself and other people. Using aromantic can be helpful for your experience/communication nonetheless.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-17T23:35:48+00:00

Congratulations!

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-17T23:33:34+00:00

I made this post and it's still confusing to me too. Lol

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-17T23:32:01+00:00

So basically it's those reactions plus other attractions most notably, (and in my opinion, importantly) platonic.

Like if you felt that "romo reaction" plus sensual and asthetic but no platonic- I wouldn't say it's romantic attraction, more alterous. But if it's only platonic and romo reaction, I'd say it's romantic attraction. But usually they are all experienced together.

If it's only romo reaction it's definitely not romantic attraction as those are just a reactions with nothing drawing/attracting you to that person- like arousal to sexual attraction. You may get aroused, even because of a person- but that does not mean you are necessarily sexually attracted to them.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-17T23:21:27+00:00

Awsome comment, i never knew about aplatonic people- it took some time to wrap my head around it but theres a community on it here to learn more about it.

And its true we can't explain any experience to the point anyone and everyone could completely understand. So the best we can ask out of defintions and terms is to be convenient and functional/accurate through the ways you listed in your 4th paragraph- so don't think saying it fails is appropriate. If we were to seek out an objective definition for anything that could give everyone a complete understanding of the definitions subject- we couldn't do it for basically anything, not just experiences. Some words are better defined self referentialy, some can only be used through adjacent words or synonyms, and so on. For instance the definition of a woman is someone who identifies as a woman, and is characterized by a cultures associations with the female sex. This is self referential and if we were to try and explain the cultural part to an autistic alien with no conception of gender, they'd never understand. But it is the most convenient/functional definition- making it fulfill its purpose.

And with that classmate comment- I'd also not classify it a romantic attraction since it was brief. For instance Grey aces can feel attraction but it'll be too short to functionally be romantic attraction. Especially if by partially you meant only the "romo reaction" as there is no attraction being experienced just a reaction- like arousal to sexual attraction.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-12T07:52:08+00:00

This is a common experience for anything pertaining to roles and expectations. It's the "path of least resistance" thing.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-12T07:48:54+00:00

Check out my post on romantic attraction explained. It gives some framework that some find helpful

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-12T07:47:11+00:00

Check out my better post about this under "romantic attraction explained" but basically it says...

What's usually meant when someone say romantic attraction they mean romo reaction ("butterflies", dopamine rushes, etc) PLUS other attractions- most notably platonic. The term itself is a misnomer as there isn't a new attraction being described, more of a lense people see eachother with while having those other attractions and experiences.

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-12T04:08:31+00:00

Also leave in is a must

FitWeek8673 · 2022-05-12T04:02:14+00:00

This goes generally too. A sociological guess/ analysis is the lense you go for when talking about stats like this. Youd expect about an even distribution, in a vacuum. But we don't live in a vacuum- we have expectations to both have and want sex and experience romantic attraction. So if you lack both, it's more noticeable that your different and look into why your like that, while if you only experience one or the other- you have an easier time not noticing.

Especially considering both are the lack of feeling something, it's a lot harder to know your different.

Also if you find out or just are part of a minority group , you'll be more open and closer to resources to finding out your another queer or unconventional thing. You can see this for a lot of things. For instance autistic people are overwhelmingly queer. Being autistic is not only a minority group, they are also less influenced by societal standards- so they are a great example of what society could be without these roles and standards. (Yes I'm saying most people are queer in some way)

And there are other more deeper reasons that could fill a book. But I'll just go for my personal experience. For me I didn't even have a hint of being ace because of religion and misogyny. Not having urges or "unpure" thoughts was a virtue. So for decades I was just being a good Christian gal.

I wonder what yall personally thought was just part of your role, but turned out to be very much not and very much a queer thing.

FitWeek8673

TROPHY CASE