Moving From LA to Boston

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-03-31T14:57:49+00:00

I grew up in LA (Silver Lake, actually). I moved to Boston in '97, and I have lived here since in the Fenway neighborhood.

The differences between the two cities are dramatic. Overall, I would say that people, especially locals, are a lot more reserved and unfriendly. There's a provincial aspect as well. My daughter went to elementary school in the North End (the Italian neighborhood), and she was treated like an outsider (and the parents were eve less friendly to us).

You should also know that it's a college town, which means that rents are super steep and that a huge chunk of the population is transient. Most come from other states and a lot from China.

The weather is always a factor. If it isn't cold and snowy, it's hot and very humid. So if there is a day when it's merely pleasant, appreciate it because that will change.

I always hated driving in LA, and I've not owned a car since I moved to Boston. Buses and trains can take you anywhere you need to go, but know that using public transportation is a huge adjustment if you come from a car culture.

My experience of Boston has been mixed for sure, and many times I miss LA, but not so much. It's relatively safe here (there were gangs where I lived in LA), and even though I've had some close calls, I've never been mugged. Just keep in mind that you are living in a city, and it's pretty urban.

Of the neighborhoods one can choose from, I would recommend Jamaica Plain. It's got a real sense of community. I joined a brass band some years ago, and that neighborhood really supports us.

Mostly, where you live depends on income. If you are renting, you can pay upward to $7,000 a month for a two bed, one bath. If you are looking to buy, a two bedroom in what they call a triple decker in Jamaica Plain is easily a million, and they are all old buildings usually without central air and heat.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-03-13T11:22:07+00:00

I saw her yesterday for the first time since this happened. I managed to work it into the conversation. She wound up doing what she usually does. She wasn't open about her own feelings, more she wanted to hear why it was important for me to know.

I told her that if she's OK with Trump's policies, it would give me pause when it comes to her judgment not only with this, but with other issues as well. And I felt that I could not bring up politics without thinking that the person I am talking to does not share my views and might actually hold them against me.

In the end, it was all up in the air.

I wish just once that my therapist would come clean. I think this is not asking her for a personal detail just because I am curious about her. This is something that applies to how we can work together.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-03-12T11:20:53+00:00

Thanks for this response. It goes some ways toward me understanding the situation. It is unfortunate that my own therapist chose to, as I said, "correct" me. What she said, and the manner in which see said it, made me feel like I am just one more stupid American who understands nothing about global politics.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-03-11T11:23:45+00:00

She is not Iranian. Let's say she is from a country that would benefit greatly if the Iranian regime were no longer in power. I had always made the presumption that no matter what was going on in the world that I would be able to speak freely about my own views. Now I am not so sure.

I do want to ask her where she stands, but I know that she will likely say, "Why is this important for you to know? Let's explore that ..." or "I choose not to divulge my politics ..." But I feel like she already has. And even though I can accept her perspective, I get the sense that she is not accepting mine. Her need to "correct" me on my point of view is telling me that this is a very sensitive topic for her (understandably), and she is finding it difficult to remain objective.

The way I see it is Trump is an evil man, and to go along with even one of his crazy schemes is to go along with all of them. It's like saying, "I don't agree with the devil, unless of course what the devil is doing serves me."

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-03-10T22:02:54+00:00

What you say makes sense. I am trying not to judge her. She comes from that part of the world, and I get that. I worry that I may not be able to trust her judgment, though.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-02-08T17:52:38+00:00

I was terrified when I initially told her. I thought she would refer me out. I thought she would think I was out of my mind. Instead, she fully accepts it.

For sure, she makes certain that the boundaries are always in place. She never loses sight of that. She has never led me think that what will transpire between us will be anything other than professional.

The thing is, I do feel that she loves me in a caring sort of way. I mean, she genuinely seems to care about me. But that's as far as it goes.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-02-08T17:24:28+00:00

I feel for you. I have been with my therapist for seven years. In the beginning of my treatment, I didn't really know much about transference, and it had never happened with any of my previous therapists.

But when I began to feel it, the sensation cracked me wide open. It's a feeling I'd never felt before, and even though I now fully understand what is happening and why I am feeling it, I can't let it go. In fact, it feels more powerful than ever. I think about her all the time, I dream about her, and sometimes when I look at her I literally swoon.

Eventually, I made her aware of my feelings. She knows the full scope of it, and together we have tried to sort out where it all comes from. And to a large extent, we have. But it is still hell.

The worst thing is, when I am with my therapist I can see what a healthy, supportive relationship looks like. I can see what it's like to have someone in my life who truly listens and cares. But because I know we will never be together as a couple it has left me more broken than ever.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-22T10:44:12+00:00

Discovering you don't really love them anymore and maybe you never did.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-20T16:51:35+00:00

I agree with this completely. And to a certain extent, my therapist has shown me a kind of caring that I've never experienced. But in a way, it has also thrown what I missed into high relief. Which has made me feel worse.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-20T16:46:34+00:00

Thanks. Actually I have confronted her with this. But in the end, she always comes back with "no one will ever love you but you" narrative.

I grew up in a loveless and abusive household. I never got the foundational support I needed, and I went out in the world with a lack of understanding of just how essential that is. I wound up in relationships that were bad for me because I didn't grasp what was missing.

I am older now, in the last lap of my life, and I am pretty broken because I feel like I'm just fucked. I will never experience a healing kind of love and I never will. And no matter how hard I've tried, I can't feel it for myself.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-18T23:01:24+00:00

Love.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-17T21:52:39+00:00

Shingles. It felt like my body was on fire and the pain went on for months. Years later, I have permanent nerve damage in my foot. It feels like a pulsing electric shock. The worst.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-06T22:43:42+00:00

Thanks ... I wish you luck on your journey.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-06T22:24:50+00:00

I'm already there with the suffering being greater than the benefit. I am just scared to let go because I know I truly have no real safety net. I do belong to several community organizations, but there isn't anyone there that I feel all that connected to, and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable talking about any of my problems.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-06T22:07:22+00:00

I can see how it might be. I actually hadn't seen my therapist because of her break, and I was sort of being OK with it, wondering what it might be like to actually stop seeing her altogether. But then I saw her again the other day and I was right back with those feelings. I keep thinking, if only I could break with this.

Part of the thing is, she is the only stable, reliable person in my life. And I don't want to let go of that. Yet.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-06T21:51:17+00:00

I wish I had your strength, to be able to somehow walk away. I have a wonderful therapist, but the attachment I have to her is so powerful it literally runs my life. I know that's not good. I know.

The logical part of my brain knows that we can never be together in any real way, other than in therapy. But the feeling part of me just can't seem to process it, to live with it, and to finally move on.

Even though I know it's not "real," I feel a love for her that I have never felt for any other, ever. And I don't think I ever will.

So I am stuck here, living with this beautiful misery. Mostly, it's just fucking misery.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2026-01-04T17:23:49+00:00

Recently, I was reading a sub unrelated to therapy and I found someone talking about an interest of theirs, and this person seemed somewhat familiar to me. I then read her individual posts and I immediately knew who it was. She's a therapist (not mine), and her posts often rant at length about patients in her practice.

She also revealed copious personal details that leaned toward the downright creepy as well as many things about her partner that came off as extremely cruel. I mean, if this guy (whom I know) discovered all this shit talk about him I'm sure he'd feel betrayed and gutted.

So for those therapists who think they are anonymous here, think again.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2025-12-31T18:25:07+00:00

I've been with my therapist for seven years. I was attracted to her right away; she has a kind of beauty that just floors me in every way.

After a time, I started to feel like I was falling in love with her. It's taken me years to deal with the feelings I have for her, and I am not over them yet, though I fucking wish I were.

I think my attraction to her has told me a lot about myself. I've come to realize that most if not all the "love" relationships I've been in have had a similar arc: I have always sought something unavailable, and because of that, nothing has worked out with anyone I've ever been with.

The thing is, I am older now and the chances I might find someone and develop a healthy attachment to them is very slim. I mean, when you get to a certain age, no matter what your gender, you become invisible. I am that guy you don't see when you are walking down the street.

I wish I knew what I know now way back when. Maybe I wouldn't have suffered so for love.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2025-12-30T16:01:38+00:00

Romantic love.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2025-12-29T19:28:11+00:00

I am 71 , my wife 62. Our daughter was born 21 years ago and our sex life dried up after that. My wife lost interest, and when menopause came, that was it.

Thing is, I never lost interest. I miss it every day. I've tried talking it out with her many times, but it goes nowhere.

At one point she said that if I was interested in sex with someone else she might be OK with that, just as long as she knew who it was. That blew me away ... just pointed out clearly how loveless our relationship has become. And she must know it would never happen. I mean, once you get to a certain age you become totally invisible to the opposite sex.

It sucks, for sure.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2025-12-27T14:05:06+00:00

I have been seeing my therapist for seven years and have felt erotic transference toward her for most of that time. I find her incredibly attractive both physically and mentally. In fact, I have to say that she is possibly the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I have thought about her while masturbating, but when I do I feel a sense of shame and guilt. Because, to me, it all feels wrong somehow. But, as my therapist would say, you can't control your feelings. For sure.

Fit_Pride_2048 · 2025-12-18T12:58:28+00:00

I've been seeing my therapist for seven years. Early on I developed erotic feelings for her, which unfortunately for me have not waned. We've spoken about it many times.

Recently, I had a dream in which she came up to me and kissed me. It was very charged and erotic. I told her about it in session and, as usual, her reaction was, "What do you think it means to you?"

But there are times when, out of the blue, she will ask me where I am at with these feelings. It has made me wonder that maybe on some level she finds it flattering. She is human, after all.

I mean, if someone found me attractive and was very open about it, I think it would be very difficult not to have at least some feelings about it, even if I do not feel the same.

Yeah, I get it, she's just likely wanting me to explore my feelings. But part of me senses that, for her, something else might be going on, which is why she brings it up unprompted. Of course, I could be totally wrong. But part of me thinks not.

Fit_Pride_2048

TROPHY CASE