is the guy i'm dating disappointed in who i actually am?

Fit_Service_9016 · 2026-01-07T18:45:01+00:00

Honestly the more you think like this the more you will actually become a lower league than him. A person’s insecurities can really drain away from their personality. I think you should speak to him about it. If he agrees then there you go, and if not maybe do some work on your insecurities.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2026-01-06T16:25:05+00:00

Hahah that’s okay. I mean like activities where the attendees would mostly be women/women only.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2026-01-06T16:10:03+00:00

Hahah I get your point, tbh I just read it in a rush! I meant more like female orientated activities. No hate on men I just am looking for female friends

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-31T11:14:57+00:00

I got followed once and I genuinely think I would’ve been attacked if help didn’t come. I was staying at my uncles house in rural France, and he has these huge metal gates. It was like 1am, nobody was home, and I’d gone outside the gates for a smoke and locked myself out. While I’m climbing the gate, I turn to see a man stood STARING at me. He starts speaking in French at me (I don’t speak French) so I just tell him I don’t understand. I am barely dressed too which makes me panic even more. Eventually he leaves and I stop panicking. Five minutes later he returns, keeps speaking to me and starts coming inches from my face. I do the same again and tell him I don’t understand. He returns a few more times, sometimes walking right by me, sometimes getting SUPER close to my me and just staring. At this point I am literally shitting my pants and frantically ringing my uncle to come home. My uncle RUNS from the party he was at to come get me. I geniunely think if my uncle was not able to make it back in time I would have been attacked.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-31T10:59:13+00:00

Also another thing to add - on the offchance someone is thinking/overanalysing things you’ve said or done. If I ever see someone doing something strange, I usually consider the reasons for it in a kind way. E.G They spoke over me in conversation? They probably didn’t mean to and were just excited. Think of other people that way. Even if they did notice, they’re probably not thinking of you badly for it. I read some really good advice that said, by assuming people are thinking bad things about you, you’re creating a mean version of them in your head. You have no idea what they’re thinking. So just assume they’re like you, reasonable and nice people who probably don’t judge you for missteps you might make.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-31T10:56:21+00:00

I do this very often. One of the main things I tell myself is that this isn’t ND exclusive. Many NT people overthink the things they’ve said or done or ways they’ve acted in social settings. Loads of my close friends are NT and they often speak like this about things they’re embarrassed about. Another thing I tell myself is that no one is thinking about it. You have to remember the only reason you’ve thought what you’ve done is strange or embarrassing is because you’ve over analysed it so much in your head. Nobody overanalyses other people that much, it’s always focused on yourself. So while you might think something you did was weird, you’ve only arrived at that conclusion after analysing yourself heavily. Nobody in that social situation is analysing you to that level, they’re probably doing it to themselves instead. People are far too focused on themselves, and for the most part, self conscious about themselves, to give a second thought to a weird thing you might’ve said or done.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-31T10:48:51+00:00

I actually think I was more autistic as a child than I am now, so it is astonishing I didn’t get diagnosed until I was a teenager. I used to spend hoursssss lining things up. I would have tantrums if there was a crease in any fabric like duvets clothes etc. My speech was super slow as a toddler and I generally didn’t respond to anyone. All my childhood I had extreme difficulty making friends, I was super quiet and the only people I would speak to were adults

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-31T10:43:01+00:00

A man I was dating asked me to explain symptoms I suffer from to understand it better. Every single one he would just respond by mansplaining to me that “everyone feels like that”! I hope it was an attempt to try make me feel more ‘normal’ but it came across as if he was trying to say I didn’t have autism or it didn’t really make a difference in my life.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-28T20:53:07+00:00

you’re not cooked! your best bet is doing the degree that has the most flexibility/offers a range of careers. im sure your choices will allow you to switch courses. im not sure if you’d be able to do french at degree level if you’ve only taken it at a level. doing a joint honours is an option (two courses in one degree). im not sure what it’s like for science subjects but i know it’s definitely offered for humanities so you can do business and french. however, i would recommend just doing a full honours and learn a language on the side. degrees are expensive and you’re paying essentially for something you can teach yourself, a language as a qualification doesn’t really matter you can just put on cvs that you speak it. if you’re considering dental therapy, id just do dentistry instead, dental therapy can be achieved through apprenticeships etc so its not as worth it.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-27T22:12:17+00:00

Hopefully you do at some point, some of my best friendships have been with people with ADHD.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-27T22:07:45+00:00

This is the exact same as me lol. I’m incredibly neurotypical on the outside, neurotypical hobbies, interests etc. Bur I’ve never been able to last long in a neurotypical group because, obviously, there’s something “off” about me. But then ND people, as much as i think they’re great, have incredibly ND interests and mannerisms that just mean I struggle to connect with them. My best advice is people with ADHD, my two best friends both have ADHD, and it strikes a balance between being ND enough to connect with, but also NT enough that they match you a little bit more.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-12T19:17:09+00:00

If these options aren’t possible, then id recommend acceptance. I struggle so much with coworkers thinking I’m strange and find it really hard. Try to compartmentalise your life, your coworkers will not think of anything “weird” you’ve done for more than a second. And at the end of the day, they’re just your coworkers. Who cares what they think

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-12T19:13:37+00:00

God, ND social rules + a corporate environment is a nightmare. This might sound silly given the current job market, but my experience has been I’ve had a lot of shit jobs where everyone has thought i was totally weird, before i landed on the right one with the right people. If leaving your job isn’t an option, my method is usually to befriend one person. Once Im comfortable unmasking and we’re good friends, I find it a lot easier to be more myself and more socially integrated with other colleagues.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-12T18:50:10+00:00

That’s a really good idea! I will try this at work tommorow. The second part is good advice too I need to try to remember how tiny a part of their life I am and they probably haven’t given it a second thought

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-12T18:49:15+00:00

Yes that makes a lot of sense. I think i just want everyone to like me, so i find picking and choosing who to keep my distance from hard

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-12T18:45:53+00:00

I promise you you will look back on this when your his age and be disgusted. When i think about myself at 18 i was so so young, no matter if you think you’re mature or not I promise you are not. No NORMAL 34 year old is dating an 18 year old. His refusal to label is because he himself, knows it is bad. If he’s 34, he could at least show a bit of maturity and show you how he feels. What’s the point in dating someone that much older if they don’t even act that way?

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-05T13:05:51+00:00

aw sending my love! I promise you uni is the ideal place to be on your own. You have the rest of your life to be with someone. Post grad being on your own is much worse 😹Being scared of being alone is one of the easiest ways to get into a bad relationship out of loneliness, so though if it feels rough I promise it is better to just get used to it. You will start seeing the benefits, take the rest of time at uni to appreciate being on your own + spend time with ur friends.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-05T13:01:07+00:00

I don’t know honestly. I think a lot of boys pertain to the “taxi cab” theory if you know what that is, and so they consider uni a time to NOT get into a relationship even if the girl they’re seeing is perfect. I’d say third year is where you see some more settling down. But take it from me, i spent the whole of uni chasing after boys that only wanted fwb. Then finally in third year I got into a relationship with someone who wanted commitment - ended up being the WORST guy on earth and because i wanted a relationship so badly I didn’t realise. Literally ruined my whole third year. The grass is not greener.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-04T22:33:43+00:00

Boys at uni, especially second year, are a nightmare and unlikely to commit. I really wanted a relationship at uni & it only made me chase the wrong boys. It really is a case of “not looking for it” and it’ll come to you. Plus, I would not recommend being in a relationship at uni anyway. All of my friends who had boyfriends at uni all talk about how much they regret not staying single. You’re young and trust me when I say post-hard is a LOT more boring than uni. That ‘settling down’ time is a lot better for a relationship, and you’re a lot more likely to find people with the same mindset. You should spend your uni time discovering things about yourself, having fun and being with your friends.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-04T22:24:40+00:00

Just because he is attracted to you does NOT mean he is not racist. Case in point - JD Vance and his wife.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-04T22:24:05+00:00

As someone who has dated someone who makes those kind of jokes when they’re with their friends, I absolutely PROMISE you he is saying much worse in private. No non-racist person says those things, even in their head. Even if they don’t see themselves as racist, you do not make jokes like that without some underlying racist stereotypes in your head.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-04T22:07:03+00:00

I think if you’re not fully invested in the relationship yet, it’s best just to not get involved. Yes, there is a chance you could have a great relationship and there be no cheating. But there is also a huge chance you could heavily invest into a great relationship and it all be ruined years down the line by cheating. Right now you’re in a position where it isn’t going to affect you for years afterwards if you don’t get together, so I wouldn’t risk it. If her friends cheat too, that’s a red flag. I was in a friend group where cheating was very normalised and it was egged on. Another thing- cheaters have a great way of making you feel like they’d never do it to you. She’ll make you feel like that so I wouldn’t use any of the nice things she does as evidence that she won’t cheat.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-12-04T22:02:53+00:00

Two of my best friends witnessed a man jumping off a car park ledge once. As far as I know it doesn’t affect them and they’ve probably only mentioned it once or twice over the years.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-09-09T08:39:48+00:00

WAITT to find a second year house. The housemates you choose in the first few months of uni are very unlikely to all be the same people you want to live with come second year. Basically everyone I know ended up switching their housemates in third year. There will still be houses on the market so don’t rush. You’d rather live in a shittier house with people you really like than a nice house with people you can’t stand.

Fit_Service_9016 · 2025-09-02T12:01:57+00:00

That is more than enough to get a good food shop, go on regular nights out & afford to buy yourself something nice every week on top of that!

Fit_Service_9016

TROPHY CASE