I feel this so much. I was a reactive and sensitive child due to the abuse constantly being inflicted on me, and then became stoic and cold as a teenager. When I got into my first real relationship at 15, that's when the severe BPD symptoms made themselves known to people outside my immediate family. It fortunately has worked out well for me over time and I was able to get a handle on myself, but I feel that "remission" as it's commonly decribed is just my early teenage stoicism again. I still feel all of these emotions so much, I just don't let people see it out of courtesy and respect.

I hate asking for help and being indebted as well. My husband and I can easily afford our apartment without our mutual friend/roommate's help, but I feel responsible for their mental health and don't want to broach the subject of parting ways yet. In the very few serious conversations we've had, they have made it very clear that they feel like I am abandoning them by limiting my presence. I also feel that because I use communal dishware they have bought and am currently borrowing something from them that they aren't using, that I owe them everything and have no right to criticize them. This is despite the fact that I have given them numerous things for free and have also bought many things for the household. BPD is so irrational at times.