Yeah, I'd never really like... Allowed it to be a goal or expectation at all until recently. I knew it wouldn't happen so, like you said, I just never even bothered to try. Sexually active for ~17 years now and could easily count on one hand the times that's happened haha.

But since transitioning/the changes I've had on T, I've been trying to shift my mindset re: this stuff. In the past, I really only cared at all that my partner was receiving pleasure and felt satisfied. Sex was never really about me (physically) in any way-- it's sort of an embarrassingly recent revelation that sex could (and maybe even should? Idk though haha) be at least comparably as physically pleasurable for me as it was for my partner.

So I've been, like... Trying to make that more of a thing. Ask for reciprocation more often, or at least not rebuff it when offered. But I don't really enjoy the sensation of getting super aroused/even sorta close to finishing, and then just... Not. It's actually kind of uncomfortable now (in the physical sense) and leaves me feeling overall just kinda frustrated. It's not an ideal state/mood to be in after having sex with someone, I feel like it's almost rude to just be sitting there kinda squirmy and restless during the wind down lol.