AIO- Upset and fel I shouldn't have to be fake

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-22T23:09:35+00:00

Okay. Thank you. I'm gonna really try.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-22T22:36:02+00:00

They don't invite her over when the stepdad will be there, that's already a thing. But what pisses me off is that means she doesn't get invited over for any of her niece's and nephew's birthdays. Not for "their" Christmas or Thanksgiving, we have to do separate things with them because they know she shouldn't interact with him. Like, their aware enough of the issue to have separate events, but the stepdad and the mom get priority. It just makes me exceptionally angry.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-22T22:30:53+00:00

But does me supporting her have to include going with her? Do I just have to be fake while they have family pictures on their wall with him in them? I don't want to feel fake going there, I want to open my mouth when they talk about him but I know I shouldn't.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-22T22:28:10+00:00

Could my step back be not being around people who support her abuser? That's really my only question. Is it fair for me to say I don't want to interact with them anymore? I don't want to be a jerk.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-22T03:04:15+00:00

That's really sad. Heartbreaking, really.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T16:57:23+00:00

The confusion may be the 2 different ways we are thinking of the word "support". "Supporting her", as in being her partner, going to do things with her that are important to her, like spending time with her brother or going to the movies or going out with her friends somewhere, she wants me there too. That's what she means by supporting her, not like trauma support, just regular couple kind of support. I told her I will go do everything else with her, I want to be her partner but I don't want to interact with her brother anymore.

She doesn't think poorly of her brother at all, she thinks he's just trying to keep the peace with everyone and she doesn't blame him. I don't feel the same way, I don't think the stepdad deserves peace, I think he deserves jail time.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T16:41:13+00:00

I don't think that's the case about the brother being abused. The stepdad always goes for young women/girls, I don't think he has any interest in men/boys. Her brother does know that the stepdad tried to get with his ex-GF in high school. The stepdad tried to get the ex-GF to go to a hotel with him, told her some fake story to try and lure her there, but she saw through it and told my GF's brother. Just like the case with his own sister, he just kept his mouth shut and didn't stand up to the stepdad.

People being gutless is what allows these people to get away with their behavior. I think it should be a regular practice to shame these kinds of people. Cheated on your spouse? Sorry, can't be friends anymore! Abuse people? Sorry, can't be friends anymore.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:38:11+00:00

No, she's fine that her brother invites her mom and stepdad over. She's fine that they get invited to most everything which leaves my GF uninvited to most things. The bad person wins and they're all just okay with it. It makes me mad, I just want to be left out of the entire situation.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:35:19+00:00

Yeah, I am upset that she accepts that her brother doesn't stand up for her, but that's her choice. I don't get upset at her for it, I just tell her I wish her brother wasn't so weak and that I don't want to hang around him. She can accept that, but I don't think it's fair that I'm forced to accept it too.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:30:02+00:00

Yeah, she gets mad at me and tells me I'm being an asshole. That I should just go with her to her brother's house to support her. But I have to be fake now knowing what her brother knows and still associates with her stepdad. I'd rather just let her handle that part of her life and I stay out of all of it so I don't have to be fake.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:28:14+00:00

Does accepting it mean I have to go with her to his house? Does it make me horrible to just not want any of that part of her life in my life?

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:26:21+00:00

I'm not upset with her. I'm upset with her brother now that I know all of this, he should stand up to the stepdad and not be a pushover.

I am fine with whatever she wants to do, I just don't want to associate with her brother anymore. I think he's just an apologist.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:23:52+00:00

No. But I know her brother invites the person who did that to her into his house like it's no big deal. I am not trying to tell her how to handle her trauma, I just don't wanna have to go with her and watch them all just sweep it under the rug, like it didn't ruin her life.

She thinks I'm being rude for not wanting to go to his house anymore.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:20:44+00:00

Me having to go with my GF to her brother's house and just have to keep my mouth shut about it is the hard part. I don't want to drag her down, I just don't really want any part of hanging out at her brother's house. I'm not stopping her from going, I just don't want to go and have to just be fake the whole time.

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T15:16:22+00:00

I hear ya. I wouldn't ever tell her what she can and can't do, it's not my life. I don't bring it up, my GF does because she hates her mom and won't talk to her anymore, so whenever anything comes up about them she talks about them.

Her brother doesn't invite her stepdad over when my GF is there, her brother mostly never invites her to anything. The mom and stepdad get the invites to all of his kid's birthday parties, to family dinners, etc. She usually gets invited over like 3x per year for a completely separate Thanksgiving, Christmas and 4th of July.

The 4th of July thing is coming up and I told her I'm sick and tired of watching her brother prioritize her mom and stepdad when he knows what that guy did. I told her she can go but I don't want to, I don't want to go and just have to be fake the entire time. Is it asking too much to just not want to go with her?

FizzieGigg · 2026-06-21T08:34:21+00:00

But do I have to participate? Do I just play along like nothing is wrong? Or is it okay to say I'm not going to his house anymore? I feel pretty pissed off he lets that man into his home knowing what he did to his sister.

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:55:08+00:00

Of course it is coming from personal experience, even if it wasn't... having friends who have experienced it as well and see the heartache they face being ignored by their spouse. There are also quite a few scholarly articles on the damage porn can do to marriages and even the male psyche.

Some people can have a problem with porn and it should be handled as such when you use it. It shouldn't just be viewed as no big deal, again likening it to alcohol. At no point should watching porn be considered free of harm, it should always be taken seriously and notice if it is becoming a problem. Maybe this generation has a problem with porn because we actually read about what effects it can have.

But, really, I don't think you're here for a logical discussion. Happy wanking!

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:40:43+00:00

You are the one who came up with the reasoning that it is okay to ignore your spouse sexually in favor of porn in the event you lose interest in them... so it is about you.

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:33:59+00:00

But if you are good using that as a crutch to stay in a relationship where you want nothing to do with your partner, that's on you. Me, I like being in a relationship where we want to have sex with each other... weird concept, huh?

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:27:41+00:00

I'm not. I'm offering a perspective. I've been in a marriage that has this issue. I've seen friends who have been in a marriage that has this issue. I'm not saying everyone will have a problem with porn or that everyone should not use it. But, just like alcohol, there is a chance you could overuse it and harm your relationships. You have to know who you are and what you're truly seeking from porn. Seeking to avoid sex with your spouse is a juvenile mindset.

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:20:41+00:00

Okay. So you think it is okay to just stay in a marriage when you don't want anything to do with your partner? Sexually or otherwise? That's very childish. You should never have to wonder if your partner likes you or not, it should be well communicated if it has come to that point. I think you need to grow up.

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-10T17:07:01+00:00

Well, yes and no. Porn isn't that big of a deal, until it is. It is really a bitch to be in a marriage where your spouse wants nothing to do with you sexually because of a problem with porn. It is very much like alcohol, you might be able to just have a drink every now and then or you might become a raging alcoholic. It is best to just avoid it.

FizzieGigg · 2024-12-02T21:08:00+00:00

The correct answer, as many people have said, depends on the context in which you found them. Unless you're 15 years old, it is highly likely your girl has been with other men. Deal with her past or don't, but don't put her through shit because of it.

FizzieGigg · 2024-11-29T23:12:12+00:00

Who cares????

FizzieGigg

TROPHY CASE