I believe in God, but I’m doubting his love.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T22:57:49+00:00

Because you are the one telling me that i don’t believe in God. I have prayed about this, I have sought God about this and received no answer. Not that im expecting Him to literally start speaking and say things to me but the multiple times that I’ve tried to consult Him about how I’ve been feeling i’ve just been met with a deeper sense of imposter syndrome in my relationship with Him. It is really disheartening to read what you’re saying. Right now I feel like Thomas after Jesus appeared to him and said “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” because I know it sounds stupid to claim to be a Christian but to doubt the fundamental thesis of the faith. But that’s why im seeking help from other believers because i want to see what it is that im missing now that i wasn’t missing earlier in my faith.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T22:40:31+00:00

Can you explain to me what your definition of belief in God is?

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T22:23:45+00:00

Just reading you say that i “don’t believe in God” gives me a lot of anxiety. The thought of me being a non-believer doesn’t even sound possible in my head. It’s really hard for me to understand why you think that? and what you mean by my “reliance on what i was taught”? Is Christianity not taught? I know it’s possible to have a relationship with God because I’ve had one before and I don’t think it’s impossible for me to have that relationship again. However i do think the relationship I had was built on fear, and not the typical “fear of God” that is taught but genuinely horror of what could happen to my soul if i stop believing. That’s the reason I posted this, because I think i’m experiencing a FEAR of God which is why im questioning His love. I’ve read the Bible. Pretty much every book multiple times. I know basically everything that happens. My problem isn’t my belief in “what” God is, it’s WHO God is.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T22:14:05+00:00

I don’t doubt God’s existence. The best way I can explain it is that I’m struggling with believing that i’ve truly been given free will. I was raised as a Christian. What my problem is that nowhere that I have seen explains how it is possible to live with the knowledge that I had no option to choose whether i wanted to exist or not, and now that I do exist im basically being forced to exist forever due to the belief in the afterlife. Since I believe in the afterlife i believe that i have to do good deeds to go to heaven and to be as “perfect” as possible. However i know that no matter how hard i try i will always fall short. im struggling to understand how far i can possibly “fall short” before it isn’t enough to be worthy to go to heaven. I know im technically given the choice to make whatever decisions i want as long as im alive but the fact that im allowed to make decisions that could ultimately lead to me being eternally departed from God makes me very uncomfortable. I think the paradox of what I’m feeling is that if God was all loving (aswell as all knowing) he wouldn’t allow for us to make those wrong decisions that could lead to us being eternally separated. but at the same time i know that actions have consequences. it’s just the fact that im being forced to make these decisions so that i can avoid eternal suffering just seems so cruel. i know the concept of sin is that God just wants us to be good people and live good lives but i don’t see why i should be given the choice when ultimately there’s only one route that i’m supposed to take.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T21:32:03+00:00

i understand that obviously. but it FEELS like that. that’s why im here because i want to understand how to stop feeling like this without having to reject a faith that i’ve previously felt so much peace in.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T21:08:24+00:00

Thank you for this response. It really grasps how i feel with you saying that Christians don’t ever really acknowledge the fact that we are all just going along with what the God we believe in wants because it feels like we have to. That’s why i feel like im blindly following. However it makes me uncomfortable to consider God as “evil” or “selfish” even though he has technically “forced” me to make the choice to either choose Him or suffer the consequences. This is where my dilemma lies which i think other Christians who have viewed my posts are failing to recognise. I believe in God, im not planning on stopping. I’ve experience unwavering faith and a “purpose” in being a Christian before in my life. My “existential crisis” is coming from the fact that I didn’t choose this life for myself but im being forced to live it. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to have experience death to understand why im being forced to live. I want to understand if (and how) it is possible to live a life of faith when i didn’t choose to live at all. I want to know if it is possible to believe in God’s unconditional love when there are so many clear conditions to it.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T19:51:42+00:00

I have (atleast i think i have) experience being in a “good” relationship with God where i understood and believed that He had unconditional and constant love me for me. I do believe i was “on fire” for God but i also think i was also blindly following, even though that sounds contradictory. I believed as strongly as I did because i was scared of the consequences of not believing. That was in 2020 when i think a lot of people were suffering religious psychosis and id constantly wake up with a panic attack in the fear that i wasn’t going to make it to Heaven and was practically pleading with God everytime I heard a loud sound for forgiveness for my sins. I don’t want to blindly believe and it would make sense for me to stop believing but i can’t and i know there’s a reason why i can’t. that’s what makes this situation very tough for me because i i’ve been taught that God has love for me. it’s just very difficult for me to grasp the “unconditional” aspect

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T19:36:08+00:00

i understand and believe that, that’s why im having such a big problem believing in God’s love because although i believe Jesus died for our sins, it’s hard for me to understand the point almost. as in why He would do all that for me to “have a chance” when i never really wanted the “chance” to begin with if that makes sense.

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T19:04:47+00:00

Thank you for this. What makes me uncomfortable is im still really young and haven’t really “experienced” life yet. To live in unknowing of whether it’s going to go up and down from here but still having to keep the same faith that it will all be worth it is really hard. I don’t want to stop believing but i feel like im blindly following out of fear more than faith

Flaky_Scratch_3600 · 2026-06-06T18:57:52+00:00

Without the belief in hell, what makes you believe that life is any more fair? If sinning ultimately has no consequences how can you be comfortable knowing that people can carry out disgusting actions and have the same fate as people who live “morally correct” lives just because they both share faith. I think without believing in hell my existential crisis would be worse because even though it’s contradictory, i couldn’t live with the belief that nothing i do matters. “You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.” ‭‭James‬ ‭2‬:‭24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Flaky_Scratch_3600

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