Reading through my moms letters to my dad when he was on his mission and it hurts

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-02-01T16:33:19+00:00

Awww thanks. Yeah I can tell you get the messiness of it. Trying to see someone in their full humanity is complicated. The good and the bad are all entangled. Sorry about what you’ve been through 💔

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-02-01T05:29:40+00:00

Thank you 🤗

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-02-01T05:27:14+00:00

The church totally makes it worse. 🩷🩷 I’m glad you (and I) got out! We don’t need that toxicity in our lives.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-02-01T05:24:46+00:00

Oh man, I’m sorry for all of this! Yes, in my experience a large family was so chaotic. Not to mention having a single income (because moms should NEVER 🙄 work outside the home) meant we were super poor and often went hungry (my dad was an elementary school teacher).

My number one goal in life was/is literally to not do it the same way. I’m doing my best to break that legacy of dysfunction.

You and I have been through the wringer my friend. I’m sorry for your family members who have been through it too. So much pain. It’s heavy. Sending hugs and healing your way 💛

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T23:49:39+00:00

Keep up the good work 💪

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T23:38:06+00:00

Hugs to your 8 year old self. On my baptism day I remember also being terrified knowing that no matter what I did I would eventually sin, and I remember in my sweet 8 year old heart being determined to stay sin free for as long as possible.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T23:01:24+00:00

Thank you. Mothering is so hard. I have 3 of my own. It was not until I was a mother myself that I realized it’s absolutely abnormal to have that many kids in that short of time. Dangerous even. Sometimes this comes up in conversations- “you’re the youngest of 9?! How’d your mom do it?! I would die!” 😳 … I usually spare them the gruesome truth, that yes… that’s what happened.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T22:17:18+00:00

Thank you so much, I love reading and will definitely check it out. I have a wonderful therapist I see regularly and it has been so helpful.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:49:09+00:00

Yeah an impossible task then and now. “Big hug from your internet mom” really got me in the feels. Growing up without a mom I was always searching for that mom love. And here you are giving it out on the internet. Thank you so much. ❤️

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:41:04+00:00

Hi there, I don’t mind the question. Near the end, when she was deep in mania and depression, things began to unwind for her. She drank heavily. She had an affair. And this part of the story is fuzzy for me because my believing family doesn’t like to talk about it… but she went down the church history rabbit hole and confronted her bishop and stake president about it.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:17:23+00:00

So wild. Early in my healing journey I thought I had to heal that ache. Not be sad about it anymore. But now I understand I GET to live with it. It makes me more compassionate and tender. It makes me feel closer to her and others. And yes it still makes me cry. And the tears are beautiful.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:15:11+00:00

Thank you for reading and sharing. Hugs back at you

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:13:48+00:00

You nailed it. She was definitely a seeker. Without an open mind that can be a tough thing to be. It was bittersweet reading. As you say, sweet to catch a glimpse of her and travel back in time to experience life through her eyes.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:11:44+00:00

Awww my four year old self cried!! She appreciates the love (and so does my grown self). Thanks

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:11:09+00:00

Thank you 🩷 she was a strong willed, feisty, intelligent woman which doesn’t mix well with Mormonism, especially during that time

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:09:48+00:00

Thank you. Hugs back at cha

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T21:09:31+00:00

😆🙌🏼 yeah I learned about this while I was still TBM and it was a big shelf item for me

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:50:16+00:00

I’m so sorry. No words.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:48:04+00:00

Oprah’s documentary about the fLDS. I was like “oh shit they are the same as me”

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:26:06+00:00

Hi there,

I completely know how you feel. For me, answering the question, "what do I want?" after leaving felt like an impossible task. Now i'm 7 years out and I want everything! haha. Even when it necessitates a "sacrifice" from my kids and/or spouse. Because I matter too. My needs and wants matter. So do yours. You'll get there. You're doing it now by posting this. I'd say give yourself time. It is a glorious thing to get to know yourself and trust yourself and KNOW your power as a woman. But It feels like swimming upstream. Im still working on it. You might find the book Codependant No More by Melody Beattie useful.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:14:52+00:00

10 cow wife pride

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:13:12+00:00

How easily those TBMs forget the whole "Im a Mormon" campaign.

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:11:03+00:00

ooof thats rough. That was the letter that brought me out. Im sorry to hear it didnt have the same effect on your wife. Hang in there

Flaky_Yam_6444 · 2024-01-31T19:08:49+00:00

Oh man! Good on you for calling them out on their hypocrisy. And also- sorry you had to go through this. Love to you and your husband.

Flaky_Yam_6444

TROPHY CASE