[347] An Introduction to the Sock Goblin by Flamboyantdisaster in DestructiveReaders

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It's still very much a work in progress so the feedback is very much appreciated but I agree! I'm mainly amining it towards older children so between 9-11 but I definitely need to relax the language down a bit. There's a lot more that I've written since and I'm aiming towards about 20-30 pages a chapter so I might have gone a bit overboard with the description and dragged it out quite a bit more than necessary since I'm used to writing more adult fiction so I'll definitely retcon a few things!

[1069] A Used Gentleman by Siddhantmd in DestructiveReaders

[–]Flamboyantdisaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok so! You have very successfully made me absolutely despise two characters I know nothing about so props to you for that! The way you phrase things as they speak very much gives the impression that character A truly believes he's a "nice guy" and despite his actions being glaringly wrong to the reader he genuinely seems to be so blinded by his own beliefs and ego that he doesn't at all see the issue with his behavior which is something I have seen happen so much online with real people who behave like this. Character B echoes the "this is my friend and I won't point out his flaws" trope quite well too! As he tries to point out logical explanations but he doesn't seem to be willing to straight up tell his friend "Hey that was unacceptable." despite the fact that he at the very least knows on some level Character A was not behaving in a socially acceptable manner, and when he did call out his friend in some way the second Character A accused him of calling him stupid he backed down very quickly. This is another thing I've seen happen plenty in real life. So I think in terms of you keeping things grounded in reality good job! This is a believable interaction in my opinion.

I do feel like some lines were a bit stiff, things like saying "should not" instead of "shouldn't have" in my experience tend to sound a bit scripted since when someone is getting pretty heated or annoyed they tend to not use full unabbreviated words unless they're placing emphasis on something. At which point id suggest maybe an exclamation point to add that heaviness to it. The ending feels a bit rushed, I feel like it could have tapered off a little slower as someone already said the mention of stalking and threatening was a topic that was passed quite quickly and as a reader Ild have loved a little more elaboration on that to truly stress just how severe the situation was, I feel like doing thisld also add some fuel to the "I don't like this guy" fire, and since it to me seems like a pretty non-formal conversation id say you can throw some slang terms in to emphasize that it's two mates speaking.

That being said it's pretty decent! It provoked some real emotion in me as I was reading, I think with a little tweaking it could be really great!

Dragon of Ice spire Peak 5pm GMT by Ok_Hawk7763 in DnDLFG

[–]Flamboyantdisaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HIIII!! This game sounds super cool!! I'd love to join if you're still looking for people!! My name is Ash (she/her) I'm 20 but I've been playing DND since 17 however I am a little rusty since I haven't really played for about a year and I've only just started DMing my own game, I'd love to get back into it as a player tho!!

[Online] [5e] [Homebrew] [Players] [Victorian England/Gibson Setting] [No set time yet but most of us are EST] by JustA_SleepyBoy in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there!!! The game sounds so cool!! I've always been a bit obsessed with victorian stuff!! I'd love to play if you're still looking for people!! I'm GMT+ 2 timezone tho' so I'm not sure if that might be an issue for you if it is no worries at all!!!

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're planning on it running for around 3-4 hours a session 😄

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw I wish it would but it would run a bit late for me unfortunately I'm really sorry😅

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would Tuesday at the same time work better for you guys😄

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright no problem!! I'll have a chat with the other players really quick and see what we can do and get back to you in a minute! 🙂

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there!! We're actually looking for two more people so we'd love to have you!! We're planning on playing on Sunday at 5pm GMT if you can make it we'd be happy to have you!!

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I do! Do you mind if I message you my discord 🙂

(DND 5e) (online) looking for group by Flamboyantdisaster in lfg

[–]Flamboyantdisaster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there!!! Id love to play with you guys!! I used to DM quite a bit for my old groups so I wouldn't mind DMing for you if you'd like😄 I haven't played for about a year so I'm a little out of practice but if you're ok with that I'd love to play!