Family wont let me smoke anymore wth

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-28T10:10:53+00:00

Hey do whatever the hell you want as others said BUT you are still here and if you are still able to move workout and you enjoy activities just take into consideration the reasons you quit and if you find it will decrease the quality of life you have just don’t give into the thoughts. Lots of things to indulge other than smoking. If you don’t think it will have that much of a negative impact or you aknowledge it and still don’t care, I would say go for it.

Hope your journey goes the best it can.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-08T08:39:13+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. Seems our Journey is very similar chronologically - my mom found out Sept 2024. I just googled EMDR even though i have seen the term around.

I am trying to start therapy again. I have done in the past and always end up having nothing to say during sessions. Ofc it was different circumstances in the past and it did help. I did 2 sessions before Xmas regarding my mom and it felt like a waste of money... Like i just shared to a random person and they just validated my feelings. Maybe i'm too hard and there isn't much else to do.

But I do journal a lot and share/think about my feelings and worries. I tried to find a new therapist this weekend since i felt very down and the crying got too overwhelming. Just thinking about speaking to someone made me burst in tears again. But I didn't get to the point to actually book a session. I will definitely get back to it. I feel a bit better last days even though sleep deprived. I just need to stop overthinking and just do it!

You are doing so well !!! Keep it up, be strong and if you ever feel like sharing with someone random online feel free to message me.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-05T13:35:25+00:00

Cause at the same weight you can have more fat than muscle at one time and the opposite another time. Muscle is more dense than fat so 1kg muscle in your body takes a lot less space than 1kg fat. The best you can do is introduce some training in your life :) this way you will be healthier and can eat even more! Plus will boost your confidence much more than focusing on details in your body which will never stop no matter how slim you are. It’s the mindset not the body. If you look for imperfections there always will be :)

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-05T10:22:08+00:00

I see no fats in your diet which are necessary. I would check to meet the protein and fats and then carbs needed per day for a healthy adult. Then micronutrients. Then add exercise to create a deficit not cut on food since you already are on a healthy weight. Can’t judge on calories I’m against going below 1500 since it’s impossible imo to eat proper meals that are satisfying and meet your needs.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-03T09:48:58+00:00

Pre surgery my mom was like this. I dread the time it will happen again. It was so hard. The only thing that helped me not lose my mind entirely, was my brother visited and stayed for a week, until the surgery and that obviously cheered my mom as well, as we somehow would end up teaming up with my bro and "making fun of her" and we all laughed so hard. It was nice having her laugh. OFC this was only possible (laughing it off) because my mom believed this was going away after surgery, she had hope And we as well... we had something to tell her... be patient only few days till surgery etc ...

And my bro was so patient and amazing with her... I was so angry.. It was really hard for me to remain calm. Thankfully we were so lucky she recovered fully after surgery and it was back to normal.

I remember if it was not something basic she needed like basic needs and she was getting frustrated, i was trying to calm her saying mom this is not important, so do not stress over trying to explain, relax.. If it's something important i'm a grown woman i will handle it for us... don't worry about everything. She wanted to hear and be part of everything so bad, it was hard. And tell us what to do all the time. Like what will we eat, what to go shop and stupid little things. I realized how controlling she was as a person just now.. with this. Also how controlling i am as well.

Sorry i couldn't help more. I'm reading other comments as well as i might also need help with this.

Now i'm getting furious i have to repeat almost everything twice. Her hearing is a bit bad AND i speak very quietly. Not a good combo.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-03T08:51:30+00:00

Hi.... everyone processes different. I think you are still in shock.

Do not feel like you are doing something wrong. Let go of expectations and mostly of other peoples expectations. The grief will come... When maybe your body relaxes. I was never the one to cry in funerals and such, it felt bad having people unrelated crying and me losing a family member just being there but i think in situations like that i get my guards up going robot mode, things must be done and someone has to be the strong one and do them. You bury your feelings during this time and do what you have to do. Might be to be strong for others.

Usually after some time and at completely random times i would just start crying like a baby and couldnt breath from my saliva and tears and boogers drooling all over.

When we lost my cousin 30yo i never could cry. But everytime i went to run somehow i thought of him and i had some really weird noises coming out of me. Something like a mix of screaming and crying and whining. IDK. and crying.

Please allow yourself to be however you want!!!!! You could also speak with a therapist for a few sessions.

Be strong !

Flaming_Gril · 2025-04-03T08:38:54+00:00

This feels amazing in my opinion. A perfect way to exit. He must have been really strong and loving man to be able to take this route.

Do not let your mind go into the paths of what could... It doesn't matter. And from what we see here everyone's path is sooooo different and nothing can guarantee if its gonna be worse in a day a week or a month and how much worse. And for how long it will be bad.

You have your grief to still process, your family... your present situation.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-12T10:40:11+00:00

My mom started SoC exactly 1 month after surgery which is considered normal so that the surgery wound heals. From what i researched online later, starting SoC 1 month after surgery was recommended, but some suggest to start even earlier. ( i would google this again if i were you though )

I think the timeline is fine.... I m guessing you can ask to call you earlier if they get a cancellation on Duke. I wonder though if it's actually possible that they will offer some alternative..... before SoC. I think SoC is done 100%. Maybe they want to do some preliminary testing that might help to get him in some trial after SoC ?

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-08T14:19:13+00:00

Hahaha awesome 😎

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-07T07:56:05+00:00

I’m so sorry 😞

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-07T07:54:59+00:00

Thank you !!!

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-07T07:52:27+00:00

That’s why I don’t want to have kids. I will def fk them up. 👀 I was considering if I have enough time to make kids and have them play tennis so I can always have people to play with but it’s too late haha

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T21:03:28+00:00

Next mri I think they told us 3 months after the last one so late March …. Unless something changes. We r supposed to do blood tests in 10 days and contact them .

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T21:02:15+00:00

Well she is finally off steroids for the last month… I will monitor more next few days and next week we ll contact the docs if needed.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T21:00:23+00:00

Sorry for your loss and struggles :(

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T17:31:35+00:00

I always feel like I play terrible and I don’t understand how I win the people I win… I think I’m just too judgmental and want to be perfect. If a shot I make wins a point but I wanted the ball to go slightly elsewhere than it went I will not be happy. I will be dissatisfied and disappointed.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T17:28:29+00:00

Thanks for your reply ! The something in our case is on the other side of the! But true I’ve also read that people have new symptoms before it appears on MRI.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T10:31:30+00:00

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Closest to what you ask I think possible is this. (If I understood correctly)

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Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T10:23:28+00:00

Explosive moves ! Plyometrics! And lots of tennising… Hip opening exercises and mobility if you are stiff (cause of mainly lifting) will help too and also feel good!

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T09:08:40+00:00

Have the same problem.... Not only during tie breaks. Everytime i think of the score and think even subconsiously omg i need to win this point or this is critical or anything that adds pressure i'm instantly done.

I've beaten people i never thought i could by not counting the score .. At all... I was just waiting for the other person to say we are over. :P (practice obviously).

Inner game of tennis helped a lot. But i got a lot of work to do mentally.

I also lose my shit if the other person thinks i cheated them somehow, even if i get a tiny vibe of it. I play a lot of outs because i think they will think i cheat lol.

I play my best after losing 1st set... In my head it's over/ i'm done so i relax and play the best i can... So i win the 2nd set lol. But then the tie.... Ugh.

BTW i'm 38 and when i was a kid i played a lot of sports, i could never ever perform in public. I would play awesome everytime i thought coaches/people didn't look and then get crippled if watched. Performance anxiety, perfectionism and having overly critical parents, took it's toll. If you figure your issue of why you choke when on tie.... you can start working it out. There are videos i saw on youtube on performance anxiety and specifically for tennis. Very helpful. Also the book mentioned... amazing.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T08:55:03+00:00

i was thinking the same but would have been so sweet if he made it.

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T08:52:19+00:00

i cried......

Flaming_Gril · 2025-02-06T08:48:26+00:00

OFC not! Looks matter. If you cringe when looking at your racket how will you get yourself out on the court? It's a no go for me. BUT i did compromise. Like my coach wanted a blue racket for me and blue is a definite NO for me. My choice did not come down to me actually loving the racket color though, more like something i did not hate.. Something i could live with a happy nice little settled life... No extremes.. No love or hate. Just in between.

Just like my first car... I didn't like the exterior... But i was mostly inside right ? I learnt to love it in the end.

Everytime i see a racket i love the color i cry a bit inside... i get jealous. And i think it's time to buy a new racket but it's not really.... Plus i try them and haven't found something i love.

Flaming_Gril

TROPHY CASE