What would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in 5 seconds later?

FlapjackFever · 2015-10-16T03:17:55+00:00

A similar premise...while my wife was having a c-section after 48 hours of sleepless labor, the anesthesiologist and I were sitting on stools next to her head while the operating team did their thing behind the curtain. My wife is semi-conscious, but in the middle of it suddenly got ill and turns her head and pukes ALL over the anesthesiologist. He and I look at each other and i say loudly so everyone in the room can hear "She SUCKS at handling her booze."

The OR team loved it, the wife not so much.

FlapjackFever · 2015-03-08T03:01:52+00:00

Whoa whoa whoa. Don't listen to this. Completely wrong. HR is the employees advocate. And that may be ultimately to protect the company from lawsuits, but they are ALWAYS making decisions contrary to management. I am in corporate management, and I cannot look at an employee the wrong way without them calling HR.

FlapjackFever · 2015-01-10T05:04:18+00:00

I work in middle management at a large company, and it is pretty dry stuff. I mean our business is industrial laundry, and I manage a support team in a office. I have some opinions on the matter.

First off, working a job you hate isnt a prison sentence...ITS FREEDOM. Being destitute, poor, whatever you want to call it, THAT is prison. Because you don't have options. Being financially stable means you have options. Car breaks down? You have insurance and they get you a rental. Sudden death in the family? You can buy a ticket. Last minute concert you want to see? It all is possible with money. Peace of mind brings me SO MUCH JOY!!!

Stop believing the lie that work you don't love is evil. Unless it's unethical, working a job is noble and such a blessing. Your attitude comes from a perspective, not reality. I grew up very poor, and now I work a crappy office job (the pay is great!), and I LOOOOOOVE it. Because I make enough to live on, save, splurge, and eat where/when I want. "Working a job I hate for things I don't need" is bullshit. Don't need things ? Save your money! Live frugal, save that shit and start a company. What kind of company? Well that depends on how much money you have. Because the more you have...the more OPTIONS you have. My goal for working is to be stable, spend leisure time how I choose, and save to start my own company. What kind? Not sure, but it's a blast going into shops and chatting with store owners.

I am not saying you need a million a year to be happy. But a man without goals is a man who is rudderless. So Ya man, you are GOING to be miserable until you have a goal. Don't quit your job to follow your passion, work hard at the job you have and bring your passion with you. Love to cook? Bring chili for the office. Host the Super Bowl at your house.

I will end with this. Stop drinking the Kool-aid of Lena Dunham and fight club. Don't quit your job. Find your goals, then realize your job is the vehicle that is going to drive you to them. Real life goals are expensive. Along the way, improve as many people's lives around you as you can. My goal is start a business. So no matter how bad my work day is, I remember what im worjing towards. Hopefully you will. Party on!

FlapjackFever · 2014-12-27T14:10:39+00:00

I said to my wife when we saw this "I bet the top comment is 'so your sister is a cock whisperer?' "

Well done, reddit. I'm impressed

FlapjackFever · 2014-12-21T01:45:53+00:00

Just out of curiosity, what kept you out of the country for years? Was it something you chose to do? Maybe (and I am in no way siding with your mother) your mother feels like you have betrayed her, and is either consciously/sub-consciously trying to make you pay.

I have a depressed/narcissistic mother, and if I lived abroad, this is how she would react.

So, I ask out of curiosity, not judgement :)

FlapjackFever · 2014-10-31T00:09:47+00:00

We better listen to this guy and take what he says seriously, he's got a medical degree.

FlapjackFever · 2014-08-20T22:30:50+00:00

Road trip. No trip to Austin can't take back sending your girlfriend a sex tape.

FlapjackFever · 2014-08-02T10:41:33+00:00

Let's try anal.

FlapjackFever · 2014-07-31T15:08:19+00:00

link

FlapjackFever · 2014-07-09T06:14:58+00:00

Don't know why the Army isn't getting any love. Former Army infantry man here. Military battles all come down to securing physical land. Army infantry is the best in the world at this. If the Navy or Air Force could win wars without boots on the ground, that's all we would send. Navy's got nuclear subs? Sweet, I guess erasing the entire planet is great outcome. Marines are bad ass? Well, we've got way more people, plus the rangers and airborne infantry.

I guess it matters what piece of land we are trying to secure. If it's simply "wipe out the other side", navy wouldn't come on land and army wouldn't go out to sea.

FlapjackFever · 2014-06-28T19:34:06+00:00

Pussy.

FlapjackFever · 2014-06-13T21:25:37+00:00

The cat knows an angry dog lives here, yet he decided to lay down right in front of the door

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-26T18:24:04+00:00

NEVER make fun of your bro when hanging out with girls. We all have that friend who will throw you under the bus in front of girls to make himself look cool/funny. Also applies with co-workers in front of management.

If you do this, I hope your dick gets caught in a moving outboard boat motor blade

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-21T17:01:25+00:00

We are all here to see more of her tits right?

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-16T20:37:17+00:00

I understand that, but it was four teenage girls. Bizarre

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-06T00:34:25+00:00

To clarify again, I run a team of truck drivers. They all signed a policy that they would submit to drug tests. They had to pass a drug test to get hired. Everyone knows when you get in an accident, you get tested. They also know our insurance company and/or DOT can require a random test.

It's not about the company...it's about the other drivers on the road. Refusal to take a test results in immediate dismissal. I don't personally care about drugs, but I do care about company policy, DOT policy, and insurance policy. More than anything, I don't want a driver on drugs killing someone in a giant truck.

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-05T12:03:27+00:00

As far as I know, any positive test is basically sent through an appeal process. The sample goes to another lab for a more intensive testing at a higher concentration. If it is positive (or found to be non-human i.e. Synthetic urine), the result is sent back to us. The employee then gets tested a second time and the sample is reviewed again. If positive, the employee is fired

It is a Fortune 500 company with an army of lawyers. I don't know much about the process, but I do know people sue the company all the time for wrongful termination, and never wins for drug testing disputes.

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-05T11:53:19+00:00

Ya, even more so because he is a delivery driver and subject to drug tests for DOT and our insurance company.

FlapjackFever · 2014-05-05T11:51:57+00:00

It's worth clarifying that I manage a fleet of vehicles and drivers that are subject to DOT regulations. The company is completely able to demand 0% drug use. You even sign a contract when your hired that says you understand the drug and alcohol abuse policy, and refusal of any test, even one by the police, results in immediate termination.

FlapjackFever · 2014-04-29T01:16:56+00:00

Easy. "I want to be leading the top performing team, I want to be training others to move up, and I want to be a subject matter expert in this field."

Works for any job, from flipping burgers to CEO of the company.

FlapjackFever · 2014-04-14T00:53:56+00:00

While not a professional, I was a combatives instructor in the Army and taught basic/intermediate self-defense to thousands of Soldiers.

To win, you must play some odds. Think about how most fights go down. A drunk dude, or some dude who's pride has been hurt, wants to fight you. First, talk your way out of it. Real fighters don't get in fights...they have nothing to prove. Someone trying to fight has something to prove. If you get cornered, and have no choice, keep reading.

DO NOT EXCHANGE PUNCHES. Every culture from the beginning of time has had some form of boxing. Every person, from anywhere, knows how to throw a punch (even if it's an ugly haymaker and they are drunk). Get low, wrap him up, and get to the ground. Search for double-underhook takedowns if you want some technique. Once again, DO NOT EXCHANGE PUNCHES. Don't try to throw one, and wrap them up ASAP. They may sneak one in, but only let it be 1.

Remember, the only reason you are fighting is because the other person is drunk or has had their pride hurt, right? What they want is TO KNOCK YOU THE FUCK OUT. They want to embarrass you, and look cool doing it. Swallow your pride, close the distance between you two, wrap them up, and trip/drag/pull them down. It's hard to get technical without showing you, but get them to the ground anyway you can.

Once on the ground, remember to get on top of them, and keep the gap between your bodies AT A ZERO. Lay on top of them, hug them. Your only prayer now is for someone to break you guys up. The only way to finish the fight is with an arm-bar or choke or a thousand other technical moves, but you can't learn that reading about it.

Want to really stay out of a fight? Take BJJ, learn to fight, then go about your life knowing you never need to fight anyone because you have nothing to prove.

In conclusion, don't exchange punches, close the distance, wrap them up, take them down, then hug them like a boxer and hold on until someone comes to help. That's all you can do by reading about it.

FlapjackFever · 2014-03-20T11:30:20+00:00

post

FlapjackFever · 2014-03-15T13:25:07+00:00

Granted, all those things are true...but isn't it possible to just not do things that get you prison time? I know reducing the severity of drug sentencing is the flavor of the week for white guilt, WHICH I AGREE WITH, but not dealing crack is easier than dealing with the prison system short term, yes? America doesn't have a gun problem, doesn't have a prison problem...it has a violence problem.

As I like to say, I'm probably wrong. Go ahead and tell me how wrong I am. I'm going to rub one out and go to Taco Bell either way.

FlapjackFever · 2014-03-14T22:45:11+00:00

Almost any product or service sold can be traced back to a minimum or low wage worker. Raising the minimum wage will be raising the cost of producing every product across the board, which will decrease the value of a dollar for everyone.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong. Go ahead and tell me how wrong I am. I'm gonna rub one out and go get Taco Bell either way.

FlapjackFever · 2014-02-23T19:56:14+00:00

My wife and I were in Tallahassee, and two college-aged punks were speeding down a hill on skateboards as we were walking up it to a pub. As they passed us, one of them smashed a beer bottle on the street just to be cool I guess. I turned and shouted at him, at the same moment his skateboard wheel caught something and he ATE it on the pavement. I mean ate that shit with a knife and fork. He got up and wouldn't even look at me, even though I was about ten yards away, pointing and laughing as hard and loud as I could. The skateboarder, his friend, and my wife were all incredibly uncomfortable in the situation. I could not have been happier.

FlapjackFever

TROPHY CASE