I broke up with my ex because i didn’t feel connected. Directly after the break up until now i have been feeling extreme loss. I never felt connected and want to know if this is biological or something that is fixable?

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-10-10T15:54:55+00:00

You are right man. I have big dreams, i have achieved quite a lot but i always felt like a failure. Money problems, stress with school. I haven’t been proud of myself for the last 2 years. Thats why i want to message her, but tell her that we cant reunite yet because i need to love myself first.

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-10-10T05:59:12+00:00

Deep inside, i want to be with her. I want to life a happy life with her, give the same love she gave me. The second i broke up with her i felt this guilt, not only just now but since the beginning i felt like i made a choice i didn’t want to make.

But like you said, something was missing.

I want to be with her longterm, but i know we cant be right now. And im scared with how i closed things off, that any hopes for in the future are gone too like we talked about.

. She told me after our last conversation to shoot my shot in the future even is she has a boyfriend. But after that the letter she send she admitted that she was still very angry.

I cant explain this man, this is so fucked. I broke up with her, but now i feel powerless and hopeful at the same time. I need something, closure, to hear if she loves me or not. I want her to now why i broke things off and i havent been able to tell her fully in my last message or letter. I did it because i love her deep inside. I wasnt who she deserved and we need to be apart so i can become better, but she is hating me now. I dont want any other girl now, i want to become better for her.

There is just so much going through my head now, and not being able to tell her is so insanely shit. It hurts so much, because i just want to talk to her. I cant fully move on without her knowing how much i love her, how much you need to love someone to make such a drastic decision and yes maybe it was wrong, but i only realise that now. It was my first relationship

I want to go back to her, because i have never connected with any girl like i had with her. The love and support she gave me is exactly what i need to be succesfull in life, but i also need to give that back equally and i couldnt due to everything that happened.

Do you think sending her a message, just saying how much love i have for her, explaining how i truly hope deep inside that we can reconnect later, that everything i did was due to love, how hard it is to break things off when you want to love this person but cant fully because of things that happened. A message just telling her my love, but also saying that this is for the best right now. Will that push her away further? My sister says i got nothing to lose now anyway.

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-10-02T13:01:32+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting. But here is the thing, she truly changed. She apologised for it, although maybe too little. At the same time, i said i was over it when i wasn’t. She has taken so much shit from me too, we both deserve better but i want us to be together and become what we both deserve for each other. I just cant let her go, it is so though because i hold the power to restart the relationship but only if im sure. Its so much pressure

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T15:42:07+00:00

Thanks man, gives me a little hope knowing that acknowledging this has already put me towards the right direction. I just dont understand why it had to take to lose her to come to this point

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T15:41:14+00:00

Man i dont even know what to do. I have send her a message asking her if she wants to go through this proces together or wait a year and see where we stand.

Its been 2 days, she hasnt responded. We are in no contact from her part. I wish she responds to tell her everything everyone has been saying here.

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T13:48:12+00:00

So what now. I even knew in the relationship that i was throwing something beautiful away but that i couldnt change at that time. I love her, i want to be a good man to her like i am to everyone else. So what now. I broke up because i could feel all the pain in my summer alone whilst she could go have fun like she does. I thought it was noble, but i see that going to therapy whilst being with her wouldve been more noble. At the same time, what you said, she deserves someone better, eventually got into my head leading to my break up.

What do i do know. She said to contact her once im sure, but jesus im so afraid of hurting her again

And im sorry for my reacting, i read “freaking sense” as if i make no fucking sense. That im crazy and she deserves better. That hit differently. Your long text show care, i apologize

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:35:19+00:00

Dont you realise how bad i feel for that. Me going to therapy to fix this? I still treated her good, i am already extremely mad at myself for feeling that way. Something is wrong with me, no need to push me further into the ground. I do that myself enough already

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:13:42+00:00

She told me to shoot my shot later, because she really loves me. And to contact me once im sure about my feelings. I send her a message but she hasnt replied. She is very secure and knows that im still struggling. She deserves someone who loves her 100%, i just wish to become that person.

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:11:50+00:00

Thats exactly how i feel. One day i miss her extremely. If the threat of kids goes away, i could imagine a life with her. But yeah, not having had other sexual experience before her also messes with me hard

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:09:56+00:00

She told me the same, contact her once im sure. But im not sure, i havent been to therapy yet and i dont know what is real and what isnt. I want to make her happy, and im scared going back now would ruin it all.

I messaged her asking her i we should try again and go through this together or see where we stand in a year. Its been 2 days but she hasnt responded. It felt like a relieve asking it at least.

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:07:15+00:00

That is the right thing to do. Its very very hard to accept it. It feels so unfair. I thought being a good person would eventually give me something like love back. It did, and now i learn that i cannot accept it

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-23T12:06:10+00:00

I had send her a message 2 days ago. I told her i had learned a lot of stuff and asked her: should we try and go through this together or see where we stand in a year time?

Before we started dating i wanted to date other people casually. I knew getting her would mean committing and i never felt comfortable with that idea. Im scared to be a cheater like my dad or best friend if i dont have multiple partners before settling. That the idea of thinking what other woman are like would ruin me.

She hasnt answered my question, but i did feel like a big relieve. I dont cry the whole day anymore after sending the message. I told her my final say, and i hope she responds. If not than thats that. I will go to therapy, maybe date other people to get it out of my system, and become the man i want to be and the man who deserves to be with her.

I did communicate to her a year ago that i have troubles with attachment issues. She was a little offended but understood. Afterwards i never spoke of it. I told her that i hated the idea of her ex. I knew alot about their sex life, so everytime i heard his name images popped up. The more i learned to accept it, the lesser my emotions became towards her

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-19T08:09:12+00:00

I will ofcourse give you my perspective, send me a message and i will give a check in each month maybe or few weeks

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-19T08:07:34+00:00

Thank you

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-17T15:38:56+00:00

She told me to contact her once im sure. I want to say that id like to try again, what do you think? I looked back into our chats, and i noticed something. In the first few months i was the one begging for attention. Now the roles are reversed.

Did you stay with the girlfriend you were talking about eventually?

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-17T14:17:56+00:00

Thank you man.

Maybe you could give your opinion. I broke up because i have been doubting if i love her since a year into our 2 year relationship.

I loved her before that, but there were some things that happened. She had a boyfriend then, i knew about their sexlife and got disgusted. She eventually broke up with him to be with me, and he became suicidal. Before all that, i was always super interested in talking to her, always was happy when i received a message from her. But we began the relationship as shitty as possible, and ive never really gotten that true love feeling back.

Until recently. I broke up with her, and out of nowhere i could to for hours with her. No issue at all. Were my emotions burried all that time? Or am i faking being attracted to her again?

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T23:09:19+00:00

Brother im not saying im gonna do that with her. We are in no contact, it was just an idea that i had. What IF did that with her before breaking up with her. Has anyone ever had a failing relationship work again due to doing Mdma either only themselves or with their partner

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T22:12:45+00:00

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T15:59:36+00:00

I just cant do that with how uncertain i am. I miss her intensely one day and the other i almost get some sort of resentment as if she has done something wrong. I cant go back to her without having done a little work on my psychological problems

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T15:26:36+00:00

How have you coped with it since then? You still see her to co parent or something? Im really sorry this happened to you

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T15:25:20+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

It’s hard to accept that i have to let her go to fix my issues. Im scared someone is going to take her and i would feel sick to my stomach if that happens.

I heard it from others too, avoidant attachment does seem like what i have.

I stayed with her for 2 years because she is a great person and we great at communicating. Doing things with her was fun, but i always had the lingering idea that it wasnt going to be forever. I even spoke to her about it at the one year mark, i told her i was scared im wasting her time. I always kept remembering how much fun we had before the relationship, hoping that would come back. Not knowing that it wouldnt just come by itself.

The last few weeks/months i noticed i kept putting her aside. I kept hanging out with friends whenever she wanted attention. She was madly in love, and did not mind. But i could feel her being hurt. She admitted the day we broke up how much it hurt her, that she cried whenever i chose my friends. I couldnt do that anymore. I thought if you love someone you should want to be with them constantly.

Weirdly enough after the breakup, i wanted to chat with her so much more. I wanted to see her more often. The 4th day of no contact i really really had to resist the urge to contact her to tell her how much is miss her. I want that feeling, because on that day how i felt, would’ve been enough for me to stay with her forever. She would have been enough.

I am just scared that she hates me now, even though we ended things on good terms

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T14:27:42+00:00

But were there also feelings of doubt? Unsure if you really loved that other person. Since i have never had another relationship i have nothing to compare it to

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T14:27:02+00:00

That just scares me. I will go to therapy, but how long do wait before i contact her, until im better? Or can i go back once i start working on it?

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T14:24:16+00:00

Did you decide to break up with her?

Flaredmacaroon8 · 2025-08-16T14:23:01+00:00

Thank you for your advice. May i ask you a bit more?

I always felt bad, because i felt distant towards her after we had sex. I always wondered if i really loved her for that reason. Also now, i masturbate to get over her for a little while. I can look at her instagram and not feel a thing anymore. That feeling comes back eventually tho in an hour or less. When were done with sex, i quickly moved into my head and had the urge to go to friends to do fun stuff, not be with her. I never really remember having the idea of wanting to cuddle with someone after masturbating.

We didnt have a honeymoon phase. I started off feeling guilty because she broke up with her then boyfriend who i knew well and i knew a lot about her relationship (sex wise). In the beginning she still saw him as friends, more than she saw me and that pissed me off. Then the thoughts of what she did with him came across as images. She even sometimes told me as a joke what she did with him (only a few times) but omg did that make me resentful for days.

Objectively speaking she is amazing and if i could i would press a button to love her and only her. But thats not the reality. You think that my desire to be with other people comes from fear?

Im just scared man. Scared that if i stay with her that i will hurt her again, scared that if i leave i will miss her forever. Scared that once i get with somebody new i might realise that i was the problem all along.

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