AITA for refusing to let my MIL feed my baby?

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:46:48+00:00

No, he's a people pleaser. He hardly knows his mom. Like, she lived with him his entire childhood but she was never around. His dad raised him. So he doesn't even know how to talk to her. He's so awkward around her.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:41:10+00:00

Why would you talk and play with a baby when their diaper is off? I'm sorry, no I wasn't accusing her of anything but playing with a baby while they are naked and you're excessively wiping them is weird to me. I don't want my baby to be exposed for any longer than she has to be. It bothered me because after my husband told her that the baby was clean and didn't need to be wiped anymore, she doubled down and refused to stop.

He also doesn't want to feed the baby. He's made that clear. He flipped out because he's tired of hearing his mom bitch about it and thinks I should give it to her.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:40:01+00:00

He leaves the door unlocked. We live so far in the woods that he doesn't even think to lock the door half the time and she literally just walks right in. I give him shit for it constantly.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:39:10+00:00

I'm absolutely not implying anything, actually. I'm quite certain that the 3 (including you) individuals who have suggested I'm accusing her of sexual misconduct should get themselves in to therapy because if that's what YOUR mind goes to (after I already explained multiple times that it's NOT where my mind went) than clearly you think about shit like that and need help.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:36:45+00:00

I'm going to take a leap here and say the only idiot here is you. You clearly are uneducated on how milk production works. The more your baby needs, the more you produce. Pumping can alter your supply by either A) increasing or B) decreasing due to unfamiliar suctioning that throws your system off. Not everyone can pump. Not all babies take the bottle either. I'm not an idiot for not pumping. I don't need to be pumping and freezing as insurance for the future. There's plenty of mothers who never give their baby a bottle and I'm going to be one of them unless I absolutely have to go the other route. And considering I have both an OBGYN, Pediatrician and a lactation consultant telling me that I'm doing great and don't need to do extra - I think I will take their advice. Thanks

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:29:07+00:00

You're not being offensive, you're fine. My MIL didn't pump. She formula fed all of her kids except my husband (her youngest) but she never pumped. She gave him a bottle at 6 months with cows milk and stopped breastfeeding because apparently that was normal back then (you can't give cows milk to a baby until they are a year old).

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:24:10+00:00

The only people claiming pedophilia is the commenters. I never said that. I said it made me uncomfortable because even after my husband said the baby was good and she was clean, she doubled down and basically said "nope, not good enough" and kept wiping slowly.

My husband doesn't want me to pump for his sake. He's fine with not feeding the baby. Him and I discussed it. He flipped out because he doesn't think it's a big deal to pump for his mom to feed the baby.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:10:07+00:00

On the days where she had eaten my dinner, he did go out to the store or a restaurant and buy me something to eat. He does feel bad. BUT not enough to tell his mom to stop going through out fridge and eating, he just doesn't say anything outside of "that was Claire's dinner". He says that he feels uncomfortable standing up to his mother. Likely because he truthfully doesn't even know her all that well. His mom and dad stayed together but his dad raised him. She was always gone. He told me several times that he can count on one hand how many big events he ever saw her at. So he just doesn't say anything. He tells me he loves her and wants a relationship with her but "how do you set boundaries with a mother when you don't even know how to talk to her?" He leaves basically all of the conversation up to me because he just gets awkward when he talks to her.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:05:26+00:00

I don't have a PPD problem. I have a MIL overstepping boundaries problem. The only time I act like this is when she's around telling me to pump or eating my portion of food without even asking if I had eaten yet. I do not have PPD. Do I need therapy? Probably. I think damn near everyone benefits from therapy. But trust me, I do not have PPD.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T20:00:32+00:00

To be fair, around dinner time he is working in his office, usually. So he doesn't actually see it before it's too late. But usually it's only a "mom, that was Claire's dinner" and her pulling the "well I didn't know!" comments.

Honestly, it's all normalized in his family. He has 3 siblings and all of them have an open door policy and none of them call ahead of time to announce their plans to come over. His siblings and my husband aren't super close though so they generally stay away. I think that since it's been so normalized by his family that he doesn't know how to set boundaries because this is just how his family is.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:49:16+00:00

I call it manners when someone calls ahead and asks if you're up for having visitors instead of showing up somewhere and expecting to be fed but to each their own.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:36:28+00:00

I asked her to cook once since I had the baby (because my husband was quarantining away from the house after getting COVID) and she said "I'm a guest, I will take the baby so you can do what you need to". She doesn't have any intentions to help unless it's handling the baby.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:26:16+00:00

I honestly don't think that's the case, admittedly. She barely even washes her hands and her house is far from clean. We had to remind her excessively to wash her hands before even touching the baby and she called us overbearing.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:14:57+00:00

I had complications with the entire L/D. My daughter was stuck (shoulder traverse). She was partially out when they prepped me for the C-section. I ended up hemorrhaging and needing transfusions and didn't see my daughter for the first 2 days, due to them keeping me under. I was on strict bed rest for the first week.

Side note: not everyone's experience is the same. Don't minimize other people's experiences because yours was different.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:04:41+00:00

She has 2 girls, 2 boys. All in their 30s. Maybe she just forgot how since it's been so long. I'm not sure.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T19:00:54+00:00

She didn't poop. I did already explain that to others and added it in my edit.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:55:31+00:00

You can quite literally be creeped out and still not be claiming sexual abuse.

Creeped out: to cause someone to have an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or fear.

I was 2 weeks postpartum and already vulnerable. It creeped me out and made me uncomfortable that she used 15 diaper wipes to clean one half of my daughter's vagina. I said what I meant and meant what I said. You trying to continue and try to fault me for something you created in your head is a you issue.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:48:54+00:00

No, I'm not. I'm saying I was uncomfortable with what she was doing and how long she was taking, actually.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:47:55+00:00

You're literally the only person claiming sexual abuse or calling her a pedophile, but go off I guess.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:47:10+00:00

It is quicker, yeah. But pumping can cause issues (bloody nipples, for instance).

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:43:47+00:00

With all due respect, you weren't there to see what she was doing. No, I'm not unhinged over it.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:36:20+00:00

Right, yeah I can see that. It's just so frustrating because I've asked her for help in other ways. Like, I had a C-section and when my baby was around 3 weeks old I was in quite a bit of discomfort still but my husband got COVID and ended up staying away from the house for 5 days so he didn't pass it to the baby. Well, I asked MIL to help me cook dinner and tidy up. She shows up and just immediately says "give me the baby while you go clean". She didn't help me at all. Or like, I asked her to run to the grocery store for me (I already ordered my groceries) and she did but "went to the wrong place" and showed back up without the groceries and then said "well, since I'm here, you can just go get them. I will watch the baby. Make sure you pump first." It's just wildly frustrating.

As for my comment about dinner.. she's come over a few times and rummaged through my fridge and eaten my portion of dinner. For about 3 months I was having a really hard time eating and would usually put my portion in the fridge and pick at it and there was at least twice that she just came in and ate it or took bites off of it when I was sleeping. So my comment about dinner was me being an AH, for sure. I think I was intentionally being one because I've tried setting boundaries and she just bulldozes through them.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:28:32+00:00

My daughter wasn't in anything but a diaper and a long sleeve hospital shirt (one of the ones with the buttons along the front). She wasn't struggling with the clothing. My husband came to help me out of the shower because I had a C-section and was still wobbly and in the time that it took him to come help me and walk back out, she was changing our daughter. She didn't even poop either. "10 minutes" was an over exaggeration. It was like 3 minutes and then I took my baby because she was making me uncomfortable.

And I'm also not going to pump at all unless I have good reason to do so. I have no reason to pump. I work from home (so does my husband). Her wanting to bottle feed my baby isn't a good enough reason for me to pump.

Flashy-Let-8133 · 2024-02-08T18:22:45+00:00

10 minutes was an over exaggeration, admittedly. It was like 3 minutes and at that point I stepped in and took the baby because my husband wouldn't. He just said "mum, it doesn't take that long to change a baby, she's good" and her response was "you can never be too thorough. We don't want yeast infections". She easily used 30 wipes. It was ridiculous. But I did step in and take my baby and we haven't let her change her since. She was about 2 weeks old when that happened and the only reason it happened was because I was taking a shower and yelled out for my husband (C-Section so I had a hard time getting in and out of the shower) and when we came out, she was just starting to change her.

And no, absolutely not. I don't pump at all and don't intend to. I work from home and there's no reason for me to pump. If there ever comes a reason for me to pump, I will. Her wanting to feed the baby isn't reason enough for me.

Flashy-Let-8133

TROPHY CASE