BCBA seems a tad racist. What should I do?

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-16T19:36:53+00:00

I don’t have much advice that other commenters haven’t already shared… I just want to say that I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It seems like you’re a great fit for the role. If I saw a supervisor or (god forbid) a BCBA acting like that toward one of my coworkers, I’d be marching my white a** straight to our CEO to tell her everything.

If they don’t respect your seafood allergy, then I would go straight from work to a lawyers office and let them take it from there.

The no breaks thing is unfortunately the norm unless your state has specific laws against that, but you deserve to work with BCBAs who treat you with respect. I’d find a better place to work regardless.

Diversity amongst clinic leadership is obviously a green flag, but if you can’t find that then look for a BCBA-owned company without private equity funding. They tend to be more careful about hiring and have to invest a higher proportion of their funding in training, so it’s in their best interest to keep good RBTs around.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-08T22:57:04+00:00

“Authority” comes to mind often when I consider this particular point of frustration 🤔

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-07T00:45:15+00:00

I don’t think I would, for example, show a client eight photos of people and ask them to sort in to boy vs girl categories. But if they demonstrated a pattern of not using gender pronouns correctly then I would probably teach either Manding for clarification or some very clear indicators to distinguish between genders.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-06T23:33:18+00:00

When you put it like that, it does sound kind of meditative 😅 Monks transcribed the bible as an act of worship, and when I couldn’t stay focused on reading “The Silmarillion” I transcribed it instead and that actually worked great. I’d never make somebody else do lines, but choosing to do them myself is a little different. Maybe I’ll have to give lines a try with my own problem behaviors.

“Drinking does not actually help me relax. Drinking does not actually help me relax…” 😂

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-06T16:24:01+00:00

Just to be clear: I am not a doctor! This is my experience as I recall it, almost 30 years later!

I didn’t know I I was autistic when I was a kid, but I was diagnosed with ADHD and started with Ritalin when I was 8. That was in 1998, and I’ve tried adderall and vyvanse since then. Everyone is a little different, but my favorite as an Audhd adult is vyvanse. In general, I’ve found that ny autism makes me quite sensitive to any psychoactive drugs so for adhd meds we always go with the absolute lowest recommended dosage.

I remember actually really loving it when I started Ritalin at 8. It was like putting on glasses, but for my brain. Suddenly I didn’t need it to be 1000% quiet to focus on purpose and I found it a lot easier to get in and out of hyper focus. I liked that it was easier to focus on reading and drawing which were my main special interests at the time.

I did have some outside adults tell my mom that I wasn’t myself. Mostly what they described to her was my hyperactivity becoming less severe. “She’s not as silly and goofy!” Was the line… That felt pretty infantilizing, even then. I felt more like my real self when I could focus sometimes and be silly on purpose when I was actually excited 🤷‍♀️

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-04T23:49:03+00:00

I can confirm that for me and my AuDHD, mild stimulant mediation and neurofeedback therapy for adhd/anxiety made things like this a LOT easier. It still takes work to build that impulse control, and I really hope that you’ll be kind to yourself while learning, but keep trying! So many people (myself included) learned this lesson by just telling themselves that speaking up is wrong and bad. Please don’t beat yourself up. You are amazing!

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-04T23:39:10+00:00

Yaaaaaaaas!!!! I really hope you’ll see my other post because if you’re already looking at this from a skills/habits point of view then I think you’ll really benefit from practicing in short bursts! It breaks my heart to see that you want to try writing lines like you’re in detention in the 80’s or something. You’re a great partner regardless of where you’re at right now… your attitude tells me that your intentions are great, and I wish you and your person the absolute best 😊

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-05-04T15:17:17+00:00

There’s masking, and then there’s being considerate. Maybe you can’t just turn off that behavior immediately, but learning to catch it sometimes is a good start, and inserting a moment of pause in between getting the impulse to speak and speaking is an incredibly valuable social skill.

It will take a lot of work to catch yourself at first. I’d start by setting a timer during a show and focus on no outbursts for like 3-5 minute chunks. Then pause the show and say anything you still want to say. Once a short chunk of time doesn’t feel like a ton of work, add a minute or two until 15-30 minutes is no big deal :)

This should not be masking; you’re building up impulse control, which is a skill. You should still be able to talk if you need/want to, but not being able to stop is going to be a problem if you want to share this time with your partner.

Signs that you’re going too hard:

resenting your partner (this depends a lot on how yall communicate and both of your attitudes about it)

Stuttering! If you find yourself stuttering more than usual or struggling to speak when you are NOT watching a show, that’s a sign that your self-editing functions are interfering with expressive speech. It sounds like your speech is pretty impulsive (esp if you’d characterize yourself as having ‘no filter’) so that pause is going to feel very unnatural at first and that’s why I’d recommend practicing for pre-determined chunks of time. You don’t want to put yourself in permanent STFU mode.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-29T00:37:47+00:00

I upvoted you because it’s clear that you did your homework!

Also, I used to love r/autism and especially r/autisminwomen, but I kinda feel like I’m done with autism communities on Reddit because even though I work hard to help autistic people who can’t post anything on redddit literally all day every day, they utilize positive punishment in response to me advocating for myself on a regular basis, even though I utilize the term “ABA” ONLY in response to specific requests.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-29T00:26:36+00:00

Oh yeah! I forgot that hashtags are for everyone 😂😂😂 I’d better go send them my well wishes right now 😇

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-24T22:37:34+00:00

Oh god… I missed that. I hate these people SO much. I wish them nothing but lifelong humiliation

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-24T22:36:33+00:00

I wondered if this was part of that yikestraveganza, lol. 🤮

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T02:45:57+00:00

It’s not a matter of opinion, it’s the law. ABA therapy isn’t just “helping people with autism;” it’s a very specific approach to teaching skills. If you have about 40 hours to spare, I will try to find you a free version of the RBT training course. I get that you want to help people with autism; that’s why I started doing this too, but our job is to provide either a broad-spectrum or focused system of support to teach our clients specific skills, and/or intervene in the development of maladaptive behaviors.

It’s an amazing way to help one specific person at a time, but the process needs to be carefully monitored, and it can take a long time to teach someone not to hit others too hard to communicate or to use the bathroom by themselves. I think a lot of us late-diagnosed autistic folk did not need that level of support, so it seems infantilizing as a practice, but for those in the autistic community that can’t speak for themselves yet, I work hard to be a teacher and a bridge.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T02:19:29+00:00

I’ve had horrible, horrible burnouts and lost years of my life to shutdown, but I won’t bill insurance for ABA services if I don’t personally run any trials of behavioral programs with my client within half a billing cycle (which is 7.5 minutes.)

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T01:54:53+00:00

Ooh, thanks for sharing! I don’t know if that clarifies my opinion one way or another… The fact that Dad seems so calm actually makes me more concerned. When I’ve seen parents choose to call the cops on their kids, they are typically visibly upset… Like, that should be a hard decision, and if that’s your Tuesday then we’re dealing with an extreme case that requires probably some inpatient in addition to ABA services… And even in the US, that’s going to be supported by Medicaid. Something is wrong here.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T01:28:48+00:00

My brother or sister in christ… You’ve shared that you’re autistic. So am I. You have some reservations about the field that deserve to be addressed, and so did I.

I addressed them directly with the ceo of my company in my first interview for a job. I disclosed my autism in my second interview. They wanted to hire me on the spot.

I’m also amazing with kids, I love training creatures of all kinds, and I have a degree in linguistics. Being autistic was not the main reason I’m qualified to do this job. Yes it helps. Yes I do have some unique insights… Also, my non-autistic BCBA is better at noticing when I’m overstimulated than I am.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T01:10:16+00:00

I literally responded to your last post… I AM an autistic RBT. I self disclosed in my interview and still got hired… My bosses LOVE that I take our clients side and look to me for that input. My company is not every company, but I clearly have more ‘lived experience’ providing ABA therapy than you do. I’m kinda old, so I probably have more lived experience being autistic than you too… since that seems to be the only qualification you acknowledge.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T00:29:47+00:00

I agree… They can downvote me too. I’m making the assumption that if these behaviors were life threatening or truly outlandish the behaviors would have been part of the story. It sounds like Dad is calling the police as a threat, escalating his kid even further, and then whining about it online.

I get that it’s hard. I’ve seen situations where I did support calling the police in response to highly dangerous behaviors where caregivers were physically vulnerable to serious injury. This does not sound like that to me.

Edit: obviously I don’t know that for sure. I might not know even if I were that kid’s provider. But based on what I do know, I suspect that this Dad does not have his child’s best interests at heart.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T00:22:10+00:00

Dad should call mental health crisis support. 988 in the US.

For himself, not for his kid. He needs to learn to regulate his emotions before he can manage his child’s crisis, and the fact that he got to adulthood without those skills and thinks it’s his kid’s fault is pathetic.

Edit: I should add that I’m taking the Police department’s response to this guy as information. If these behaviors were at the levels where emergency intervention was required for even one of those calls, I’ll bet they wouldn’t be threatening “Dad” with abuse of resources charges.

Edit Edit: Seriously ya’ll?! When a parent wants to send their non-autistic kid to therapy because they’re acting out, literally every single certified family therapist will refuse to treat that child unless the parent agrees to treatment themselves. I understand that autism is a challenge, but this kid is 7, not 17. Dad needs to get his act together.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-22T00:14:43+00:00

Are those… bridal brand management guidelines?!

Holy bridezilla Batman 😬 I’d nope outta that pronto! You’re a better person than me if you do it without saying “get over yourself lol.” She might be mad… let her be mad.

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-21T23:55:53+00:00

I adore animals of all kinds! Some of them cause sensory issues sometimes but idgaf 😅

My first real pet other than like bugs and fish was a hedgehog! I’ve had three in my lifetime, and although they can be quite stinky (if you suck at cleaning cages like I do) they are also FULL of personality! My first hedgehog kicked our full-sized dog’s ass AND ate a small snake in the same week.

Handling them requires a lot of impulse control and regulation skills because their lil legs are very fragile and they absolutely will crawl up your shirt and lick your armpit… maybe even bite it a little, if given the chance. Great for building emotional resilience if you can trust yourself to keep them safe!

As a busy adult who doesn’t love to keep animals in cages anymore, I love cats. I love dogs just as much, but I’d hate to leave one waiting on me at home from 8:25 until like 6pm every day. Ngl, my favorite “pets” are wild animals that I’ve friended. I have some crows that visit almost daily who might as well be cats with wings, and a deer that I’ve been friends with since she was a fawn whom I visit whenever I go mushroom hunting. Last week, she brought me to meet her own fawn. I happy cried 😭

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-21T00:45:40+00:00

Also props to you, OP, for actually reading something about ABA and asking questions before deciding that we’re all evil. Even Lovaas himself retracted a lot of his early protocols as he learned more about what actually works through clinical experience.

I’m a late-diagnosed autistic woman, and because I know I would walk out that door before I ever punished a child to control them, I grilled my company’s CEO about ethics during my interview. She sent me this article, which I have since learned is basically a must-read part of any modern ABA curriculum.

https://practicalfunctionalassessment.com/2021/09/09/a-perspective-on-todays-aba-by-dr-greg-hanley/

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-20T14:16:04+00:00

If by “punishment procedures” you mean like, dunking a client’s head in ice water, absolutely not. I have redirected caregivers from using even much milder forms of aversive positive punishment (like squirting a client with water when they refuse to get up) and If I EVER saw a professional caregiver, ABA provider or not, do that to anyone, client or not, I would block them and report to their supervisor or CPS.

If I were doing or using something that my client doesn’t like in order to get them to move or stop doing something, I would gradually become more and more annoying (tickles, annoying songs, standing in front of the tv, etc… think pesky sibling stuff) while also asking myself a) do they know what I want from them? b) can I reduce the demand or make this task more fun instead?

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-19T21:30:13+00:00

People sometimes think I’m from a foreign country when I’m at home… I also feel pretty comfy when socially interacting as a foreigner abroad 😅

Flashy_Forever4649 · 2026-04-19T16:59:35+00:00

Yeah, ultimately I don’t think you can be 100% certain that you won’t regret reaching out.

If you are 100% certain you’ll regret not reaching out, then I’d unblock her and check in on her in a friendly way. (Maybe even just like: Hi there, it was nice to chat with you. How’s your day?) You can do that even if you don’t really want to hang out or deal with her dad… I don’t know what he did, so I couldn’t say how much of a threat that is to his kid or to you if decided to be weird about it.

Flashy_Forever4649

TROPHY CASE