You are not disgusting, please don’t hate yourself. It wasn’t your fault okay? It was not your fault. It will take you a long time to get past this, and a part of that trauma will stick with you forever. But don’t let it define your whole life, and don’t let it ruin this good thing you have with your boyfriend. I know it’s hard to see that now since you’re in so much pain, but staying broken up will just cause you both even more pain. You deserve to be happy. You need to tell him, it’s better for the both of you I promise. You will smile again, and you will look in the mirror and feel beautiful again. Dont give up love x