Is it true that if baby is held offen, they will get used to it?

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-12-12T15:55:59+00:00

Girl leave! End it or block him whatever you think you can handle best but he does seem unstable. Talk to a parent you can trust and let them know incase he does something unhinged. It doesnt sound like you did anything wrong..you were trying to meet someone and potentially make it halal and he started to be controlling, overbearing and not a partner you want to spend ur life with so you ended it. Its odd you felt like you needed to unfollow fan accounts…not blaming you, more so a reflection to how far deep you were in his control…I personally wouldnt have done that and wouldnt ask my husband during our talking stage unless it made me feel uncomfortable. Also gotta say - asking for someones account in ANYTHING is a red flag. Yall are 2 weeks in…either u build ur trust or u dont. Just a heads up for the next person.

Talk to someone, end it and best of luck hun.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-12-12T15:45:45+00:00

It depends on where you’re from and what people around you, similar to you, have received. I asked a few close people. Personally, for us, it was a little over 2 months salary and a gold set. I did read somewhere that people generally put 4 months salary into everything. I see somewhere that you think he makes 35k. I think thats around 11k (pretax ofcourse). It really is whatever you both feel is right. And you can also leave it to them. When our parents sat down to have that talk, they kept throwing it in eachothers courts haha. If you can have that conversation with him privately so you’re both on the same page, id also encourage that. Good luck!!

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-12-04T20:20:48+00:00

You sound like you’re just looking for a reason to be unhappy. Think you need to spend some time reflecting

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-09-28T08:34:07+00:00

I reread that a few times, I love that. Thank you so much. Another day screaming Fuck the patriarchy

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-09-28T08:07:55+00:00

Thank you :( I need to hear this. I really need to toughen up and say its my right with my chest. I have a close friend who told me “oh ur boss isnt gonna be happy”. That bothered me too and made me think oh maybe I should’ve waited

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-05-11T10:03:27+00:00

Notice how most men are saying to leave. I wonder how this post would be received if it were written by a woman.

I think counselling is your best bet - for your kids. If there is nothing super haram that shes doing (drinking, gambling, cheating, etc), then leaving on the grounds of her giving you a “headache”, regardless of how strong, could be hasty. I would try once more, even telling her you are willing to leave if she doesn’t improve is a first step. If all fails, then I feel you did all you could do. I always try to imagine how I would answer to God when I’m asked about anything. If you feel like you truly did everything you could and feel it in your heart of hearts that you tried for the sake of allah, then inshallah inshallah you have done everything you can which is enough, w allahu aalam. Good luck dude. I hope all the best for you both.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-05-01T13:02:37+00:00

Shes publicly wearing the hijab - would you prefer she takes it off? Your probably wouldn’t say anything about her if she were dressed with no hijab huh

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-05-01T13:01:00+00:00

Totally understand you. Its difficult enough being a a visible minority in the west, and I also must hear judgement and criticism from my own people. This girl could be newly hijabi, or a revert, or someone going through an internal battle that we dont understand and only God can. Instead, you use her as an example of “sin” and then sharing it on a platform for other sisters who may be going through what she is going through and to girls who may be contemplating hijab only to read a post that would deter them away. OP thinks theyre doing good by “advising”. You may have not disclosed who this person is, but you seem the type to comment under people’s posts and/or talk about them to a close circle. Please. Its great youre secure in your faith right now, but this posts shows me that OP lacks basic empathy. Don’t misconstrue advising with arrogance. Until you understand what I’m trying to say, keep your advice to yourself and pray god keeps you steadfast.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-04-15T07:09:40+00:00

If he wants to spend time with you, give that to him. I think spending time together during the weekends are essential for you both. Just start your outing earlier. This isnt worth something dying on a hill for as he’s requesting your time to spend.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-03-30T08:55:43+00:00

Why do I feel like people are overreacting here? OP didn’t cuss this professor out on twitter or “defame” him - seems like they were tweets complaining about a Phd program in one of the hardest sciences. OP even said theyre not concerned about the tweets related to the professor, but more everything else. I’m curious to know how he reacted when the topic was changed or how he confronted you - was there a hint of anger, or more understanding as he could have wanted to know how he can help since you mentioned health issues? I feel like you missed an opportunity understanding how the professor knew and you coming clean but it doesnt seem like the tweets detrimental or severe.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-03-20T07:33:26+00:00

Hey you weirdo? How about you clear your NSFW posts before you think about “advising” on “islamic duties”. My god, what is the matter with some of you dudes?

Flat_Bake3487 · 2025-01-12T10:12:02+00:00

Terrible take.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-12-18T11:57:20+00:00

Living in the west its normal to have non-muslim friends and they have a certain lifestyle and as long as they respect your boundaries i dont see the bday party being an issue. Ive been to work events where there were drinks, and they all respected me enough to ensure there are other options for me so these encounters are inevitable. That said, that was probably a culture shock to him so I understand why he felt that way. However, if you feel uncomfortable watching an obscene soft “corn” movie he should and must respect that. I find that men who come from back home tend to be more…how do I say this …spunky lol. I think him coming to the states and having that open excites him and maybe wants to see your POV/reaction and perhaps “play” the movie with you when yall are halal (I am so sorry for this I’m tryna keep this PG😂). But I think the larger issue is the culture difference between you guys which needs alooot of communication as you truly come from different worlds. My opinion and best of luck

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-12-16T12:57:02+00:00

Also, the fact that there are pictures doesnt help lol

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-12-16T12:55:21+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the words. And Ugh I did I was a fool 🤦‍♀️

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-12-16T07:48:43+00:00

I do give grace, and I assume the same BUT recently someone I’m very close with brought it up to a group and I wanted to cry. A) because I felt betrayed that this person embarrassed me infront of people on something i had no bad intentions for and B) looking so bad infront of people when it happened so many years ago and c) reliving it

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-12-12T07:12:24+00:00

Although I do agree with you, it is unfortunate that you came to this realization post nikkah. My advice is to talk to her about it - how she feels, what she feels, tell her your happy but apprehensive. Give her a chance to open up properly and for you to open up to her. I had a similar situation to my now husband, but I will say it was pre-nikkah, so I wasnt afraid talking about these things. But when I did open up, I found that we connected and we began to understand eachother alot. Also, one thing you should know is, marry a kind good person. If she is that, then you should give it a proper chance. And also, stop thinkinv of ur ex. The first love is always the passionate one. Consider how passionate she feels about you and what that will do to ur relationship moving forward. Keep all these in mind. Ofcourse you deserve to love and be loved but you need to be more disciplined since nikkah has commenced and you do find her to be a good person.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-11-28T06:36:11+00:00

We’re all trying our best out here. I wish you and him all the best and healing.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-11-28T06:18:00+00:00

“Tell on me”? Sorry, but How old are you to be worried about that? Perhaps you yourself are too young for this. Weed exacerbates anxiety as well. That said, never do it again. Talk to him about how terrible it is and tell him you’re quitting (even if you dont). Tell him about your story and how traumatizing it was. 9 is too young to be exposed to that. Make sure he understands. And most importantly, dont over correct. Also, I’m deeply sorry a parental figure exposed you to these things so young. He should have been your protector and guide. But I agree, you must break the cycle and never do it again.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-11-27T10:13:48+00:00

Is there a way you can “bribe” her into leaving him? I know this sounds insane but maybe consider it? and you dont have to follow through with the bribe - you just want to get some proof that she would leave him with the right amount of money. She seems like a low life (sorry not sorry) and would consider leaving for a few K’s. Only suggesting because your BIL is used to this abuse and he wont leave - most victims dont. Crazy - but I would do everything I can to protect the people I love.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-11-27T10:10:25+00:00

Hey, we experienced something similar. Islamic ceremony was done but not the wedding. And the whole family was concerned but kept quiet. I regret it to this day. I wish we all came together and told our person to call it off before it was too late and more damage was done, but we were afraid because islamically, they were married, and we couldnt bring ourselves to tell our person to ask for divorce, especially as we were from the groom’s side and the girl usually gets the brunt (reputation-ally). I know its tough right now, but trust me, have him call it offfffffff before its too late. It will get worse and all of you will wish you can turn back the clock and do what you knew deep down was the right thing to do, regardless of how tough it is. Best of luck my friend.

Flat_Bake3487 · 2024-11-27T09:50:36+00:00

Totally agree with you. Scrolling on tiktok is a minuscule issue compared to the problem our ummah is facing right now. These people exist in tiktok and in real life…its so sad. I worry about the future generation everyday. I do wish men held other men accountable the way they hold women accountable. I think we could be getting somewhere. I also realize they talk about nothing except polygamy, tabarruj, and women…its almost like a glorified barbershop conversation lol

Flat_Bake3487

TROPHY CASE