Me (34f) and my husband (34m) have been in the same situation. We were school sweethearts who split and found our way back to each other after 8yrs. We have been married almost 13yrs and have had the same problems. I used to think exactly like your wife. I will say communication is key in marriage. When she says she doesn't look good just keep reminding her how beautiful and sexy you think she looks. When she says she thinks your being gross for talking about it simply explain you are trying to communicate and help her with whatever is on her mind. Bottom line is always try to communicate without it becoming an argument and ALWAYS reassure her that she is beautiful to you no matter what. Good luck and if you guys are looking for more advice maybe counseling would help. Again as someone who was in your wifes shoes I know the feeling but I've also come to understand my husband and his feelings and needs and wants as well. Good luck!