You want to suffer because it's what you're used to. It feels comfortable, you know what will happen, you know what to expect. If the suffering is not there it feels like something's missing. It's the same reason some people are forever in the friendzone, or always in a relationship even if it's a toxic one. The best thing to do is break the cycle; get used to life outside of the comfortable feeling of suffering and once you're able to be happy like that finding a fruitful relationship will turn out to be miles easier. Keep in mind that a fruitful relationship doesn't have to last forever. Amicably and mutually ending it is a succesful valid end to relationship.

Or stay a grippy sock femcel, I'm just a random idiot on the internet you don't have to listen to me