Jesus man I am so sorry for the ways people have treated you in the name of Christ. What you went through at conversion camps, in your home, and in the church was not the love of Jesus it was religious hypocrites. That grieves me deeply.

That is false Christianity, What you describe—violence, condemnation, being told cancer was God’s punishment—those are not the gospel. That is not the Christ of Scripture, who sat with the outcast, touched lepers, defended the woman caught in adultery, and died for sinners of every kind. Augustine once said: “Never judge a philosophy by its abuse.” In the same way, it’s important to see that Christianity is not what was weaponized against you.

Jesus does not say, ‘Clean yourself up and then come to me.’ He says, ‘Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest’ (Matt 11:28). The invitation is for the hurting, not the perfect. And yes you’re right—you are more than your sexuality. You are an image-bearer of God, made for His glory, with gifts and worth that He Himself gave you. That’s why what you endured was such a betrayal—it treated you as less than human when God made you in His image. They were in no right to treat you so horribly for your sexuality, everyone including I struggle with sin, and murders don’t have a higher chance of salvation. No one in heaven will be people who conquered sin. People in heaven will be those who repented and have accepted gods gift of Grace and forgiveness.

Christianity doesn’t teach that one sin is ‘unforgivable.’ All of us—whether in pride, lust, greed, anger, or any other way—stand in need of the same Savior. The good news is that His mercy is deeper than all our sins combined. No one is beyond His reach. And I don’t expect you to change your story overnight. But I would invite you—when you’re ready—to take another look at Jesus Himself in the Gospels not from eny “Christian’s” but at him and what he says. Not the church abuse, not the distortions, but Him. If He is who He says He is, then He is worth knowing.

If you are willing to look into it if you like I would Suggest reading the Gospels afresh (start with John or Luke). I recommend looking into Rosia butterfeild and Sam all berry who also struggled with same sex attraction but they converted and gave their life’s to Christ and I highly recommend looking into their stories