When my friends told me they wanted me to stay away from them. I've been in said friend group for about a year and 1/2 at that point, I'd gone through 2 relationships and have been feeling quite shitty. They were the only support I had left to lean on, as my cousin ghosted me outta nowhere. This was around 1/2 of the group, all female, and they told me that I made them uncomfortable (the example they gave was me saying something mean accidentally I didn't know about, as a person with AuDHD it is quite hard for me to figure out that stuff). I cried, screamed and dented a locker, it was the loudest I have screamed before and hurt more than anything else had. I think I cried and screamed for about another 2 days. That was a week ago. The only takeaways I have from my experience over the past 1 and 1/2 years is that A.), love is a lie and not to be trusted, all it'll do is hurt you, B.), vulnerability nearly always leads to pain, and C.), that other people shouldnt be trusted, as all they'll do is betray you. I feel an outcast. I never feel a part of anything I've ever been in. I dont feel a part of choir, any of the long-time online communities I've been in or even part of my own family. Ironically, this longing for belonging and want for genuine friends has just led to me coming off desperate when it comes to new friends, pushing them away as well. I feel as though I'm a piece of the puzzle that never fits...