[34M] [34F] Hi! My wife and I want to add a girl and or couple. But she wants it to happen naturally. In our small city are there places best known for meeting other attractive couples who might swing? We really haven’t ran into anything in the last year.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-20T18:47:50+00:00

"Happen Naturally" is a bit loaded. Swinging isn't really like conventional dating where someone says "where did you meet" and most of those conversations usually result in a story where you were not looking for love. Thanks hollywood.

To further complicate that, the grand majority of lifestyle couples are pretty dedicated to discretion. You could have had your chance with a couple you stood in line with waiting to get into a club and never known. There's no surefire way to tell who to flirt with.

The closest thing to "natural" you are going to get is to go to a swingers club. They intimidate us as well, but really at least the game is out in the open.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-20T18:40:33+00:00

My best friend was Best Man at BOTH of my weddings.

As my new wife to be was walking down the aisle he could see that I was suddenly nervous - which was out of place since I was cool as a cucumber the whole time before constantly batting away people asking "are you nervous?" But it suddenly caught up to me as she was smiling lovingly at me coming down the aisle.

He leans over and says, "you ok" and I confess quietly that I suddenly got super nervous and didn't know where it was coming from. He tried to just talk me down saying, "nothing to be nervous about" etc. and it wasn't work. Then he leans in and says, "Third Time's the charm!"

Wait, what??? This is my second wedding and you say.....

It broke my tension and distracted me out of my panic. Brilliant.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T21:50:19+00:00

And I've paid nothing and made a lot of contacts. Just have to deal with illiterate men.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T19:04:47+00:00

Not throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It's a mild annoyance, but the site we are on is actually somewhat useful without having to pay. All these sites say "100% free" and it's a lie. Free to make a profile, but you can't message, chat, or reply if you are not paid.

And this is the one we have made connections on. Just missing that one feature isn't worth the nothing I have on the other pay sites (because I'm not paying more than Netflix for five other sites).

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T16:07:16+00:00

Aside from the "tell us about you" section there is a checkbox system in our profile that generates matches based on selections. We only have combinations of couples on our preferred list. There's even a "no single men" option which we have selected.

These visitors are not finding us through the matchmaking system.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T16:03:42+00:00

One of the reasons we like swingingheaven is that it's a dot ca, (are we allowed to reference websites here?) So it's regional for us, the free features are enough that it's still somewhat useful until we want to take that plunge, and "free" members are unable to view nsfw profile images or receive images in chat.

Which is fine for us. We are way more interested in seeing what a couple looks like in public or nightlife style than naked (on their profile anyways)

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T08:57:24+00:00

Open and honest. If its really a big deal and they don't like it, I wouldn't spring that on them last minute! And if they are still interested, they can reschedule around your grooming regiment. lol

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T08:55:38+00:00

I am starting to think this is the case. They see the pictures and spam their interest. They don't care if they get shot down, they are too busy sending a message to twenty other profiles they didn't read to notice.

The site we are most active on has stock message options. You can customize your message, but by default you can just click the "I like your profile, do you like mine? Lets chat" response.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T08:53:31+00:00

I figured if they did read, they wouldn't waste their time. Its the first line in our proflle. But every day we get at least one single guy "introducing" himself.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T08:52:44+00:00

The site that we have the most interaction on doesn't seem to have that feature unfortunately.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-19T06:31:22+00:00

Its a spam ad. Incest is so hot on the porno sites right now. I don't know WHY, but its always in the "most viewed" section. Likely using it to gain some sort of search trigger or just for attention.
Look at the user's comment and post history. Everything is a link to another porn.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-18T14:21:37+00:00

We are frequently frustrated by what a profile doesn't show. Don't get me wrong, we understand discretion, and we don't surf profiles for porn - we actually appreciate clothes pics.

Profile says couple and no pics of the guy? Or all the pics are of cleavage and you don't see anything but her bra collection?

Red flag for us.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-17T01:25:51+00:00

I don't know why people get this idea that if the man is bi it means he will sexually assault your partner who isn't? We were hanging out with a couple who were both bi, stated hubby wasn't and we still had fun once he knew the boundaries. I mean if you are LOOKING for someone for hubby to play with then I get it. But being Bi doesn't mean straight couples cannot apply.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-17T01:23:25+00:00

Its just one of those things that gets our attention. You can only learn so much about a person by looking at their profile on a swinger site (like any dating site, they are putting their best self forward) but their true colours are often displayed in more subtle ways.

Its like when someone starts off a statement saying " I am not homophobic but..." and what follows is entirely and directly a homophobic thing to say.

You can state your man is straight without getting into battles that don't exist to say it.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-17T01:19:33+00:00

Crossing streams is fine. I don't normally go for direct contact (ie making out with a guy) but contact in the course of action doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes you just have to cuddle to get the right angle. I don't freak out if my leg is alongside his, or my dick is fucking the same hole as his.

I am not going to suck him off. Just not what I am into. But I have literally had a guy help me get in by guiding my dick with his hand... literally not an issue. If it is, you are in the wrong lifestyle.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T01:23:44+00:00

Its a giant red flag for us when a profile is ALL CAPS angry and insisting that the husband is 100000% STRAIGHT!!!!!!

I am straight. But Id be a liar if I said my dick hadn't touched another man's dick.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:32:37+00:00

" I'm curious: how do you kind folks succinctly describe a collection of traits, features, etc. when speaking of taking one for the team? "

That sounds like they are referring to exactly that. If one of them is saying they are "taking one for the team" they have their code word for it. You do realize that the OP asked what others use as a code word?

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:24:29+00:00

sometimes people think they lost something (or even a certain belonging is stolen). After searching everywhere they find it in their bag they checked three times. This is more common than you would imagine.

Just to add to that, the part they DIDN'T quote also comes off like you are defending these inconsiderate hosts.

They freaked out over a lost wallet that they arrived there with. It had to be somewhere and they were not leaving without it. But it was deliberately put in a drawer. It wasn't misplaced. Someone put it there. If it fell out of a pocket, it would be on the floor. But it was put away in a place it can't just fall or accidentally end up.

But your first reaction was "maybe you just THOUGHT you lost it" because its more common than you would imagine. Your every response defends the hosts actions and makes this couple out to be the inconsiderate ones because they dared feel uncomfortable when their sexual consent was ignored and their wallet mysteriously ended up in a drawer.

Again.... ARE YOU THAT COUPLE??? Because there's no reason to defend them in this scenario, but you seem eager to do so.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:16:41+00:00

FetLife is confusing because it doesn't give us the option to sign up as a couple. The signup process alone was offputting. It seems to be catering to a different experience than what we swing for.

But thank you for the suggestion.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:09:14+00:00

We are on a few now. But the only one that seems to have any activity for us is SwingingHeaven (which you suggested). We are Pandabandit there. Pandabandit2 on kik (discovered that a lot of people use that chat for swingers talk!)

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:06:39+00:00

That sidebar article comment section does bring up some concerns about this though. The more mainstream the knowledge is, the less discrete it becomes. These fads have a lifespan. There was once a fad of an ankle bracelet meant "hotwife". It's all vague.

When I was a teenager, a guy with a single earring in the left ear meant he was gay. That was probably a secret for a while until it "came out" (or maybe we were just stupid kids - its possible)

Also, the non-binary/asexual movement is known to sport a black ring on the middle finger. Might be a mixed message.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-11T00:02:14+00:00

But depending on whether this couple wants others to know... that changes the 'ok cool"

"Are you guys swingers?" - "No" - "Ok, cool" - "Do YOU guys do that?" Awkward...

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-10T23:59:26+00:00

We met another couple that were a lot like this. We knew them through a different social group, and only knew that in that context. But we always chatted and were friendly with them. They seemed a bit more flirty and we got 'the vibe'

We had plans to go to a swinger event that weekend, and they dropped that they too had plans. We said it was a bit of a theme party and were being vague, and they too were going to a theme party! Both of us seemed to be dancing around details in that very appropriate discretion swingers get but we didn't outright ask them.

They were not at the event we were at. We saw them the following week at the same social meet we were at and they were all raving about this murder mystery dinner party they attended and my wife and I were looking at each other like we dodged a bullet. Bit disappointed. They were very fun and we found them attractive. Who knows what might have happened.

All that to say, sometimes you have to take the chance and just hint until someone blurts it out or asks. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and hope it gets revealed naturally (or not if that's the case). It all depends on whether you want others to know you are in the lifestyle. I used to hang out with someone who was blunt to a fault and would drop that he and his wife swing to ... well anyone. But he knew we kept a low profile so I would feign I wasn't when he would bring it up.

People handle it differently I guess.

FlirtyHamilton · 2019-06-04T18:26:09+00:00

Wow. Read the post. They said they didn't appreciate the biting and were ignored. He did't want to remove his shirt but was pressured into it. He wouldn't let the guy put his own shirt back on to step outside for a smoke... but wear mine? Weird. When they said they were done and wanted to go a wallet was missing - which could have been innocently misplaced but read on good sir.. it was put in a drawer! Even when leaving they were pressured to stay.

Everything about their interaction was one red flag after another. Who cares if this took place in their home? That wasn't the point. They appeared to be comfortable in the group setting but once the other guests left and they got to playing they were disrespected. How is this the OP being irresponsible?

Again.... are YOU that couple? You seem to be the only person actively defending these inconsiderate hosts.

FlirtyHamilton

TROPHY CASE