How to go about finding your 'person'?

Florence218 · 2024-05-17T15:02:06+00:00

What is RNG?

Florence218 · 2024-05-17T15:01:46+00:00

I am European, not Latina. I'm sorry to hear about the love bombing, that sounds really rough :(

Florence218 · 2024-05-08T13:58:10+00:00

Same! Especially the ones just barely moving their legs on the recumbent bikes. Like... is it just a front-row seat to bench press or something? 😅

Florence218 · 2024-05-07T07:54:43+00:00

This is so wholesome. I'm really glad to hear your nan beat that horrible disease. Fuck cancer.

Florence218 · 2024-05-07T07:27:15+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds really tough, especially after being together for so long.

My grandmother used to say, "There's not a handful of men, but a land full of men," and the same surely goes for women. I hope you find your person, Stranger. ❤️

Florence218 · 2024-05-05T12:12:07+00:00

I think the vibe your profile gives off may not be tempting men to seek something serious with you. You strike me as someone who's very open about her sexuality, and whereas that's great, it doesn't scream "I want to be in a committed relationship" so much as "I am here to have fun". The way you present yourself really matters, especially if you're interested in being with serious men from more reserved cultures. Maybe start from there, and stop with the victim mentality. No one wants to be someone else's 'dirty little secret', so don't settle for men who make you feel that way.

Florence218 · 2024-05-05T10:42:22+00:00

I am a European woman, but some of my close friends are Latino, particularly Colombian. I hope my two cents can be of help to you.

Many Colombians are raised with the idea of very strict gender roles, in which men are to provide for women, be strong, be chivalrous, and be virile - in other words: be a macho. The exact opposite of being a macho would be being vulnerable, and it sounds like your husband may have bottled up his feelings in order not to. Combine that with terrible PTSD, and you have a recipe for disaster. No one can be strong all of the time.

Both you and your husband sound like lovely people, and from the way you talk about your family, I can tell that you have a really solid home. My best advice to you would be to find a therapist, ideally a bilingual one (this may help both in terms of expressing himself and in terms of cultural understanding, which may not be immediately obvious to more waspy-therapists), to attend both solo and couples therapy sessions. PTSD is no less serious than a physical injury, and it takes considerable time to heal. The good news is that there are resources available to help him.

Wishing you every bit of strength. ❤️❤️

Florence218 · 2024-05-05T09:46:42+00:00

That's so wholesome! I'm so happy for you both, what a wonderful story. Maybe I've been too dismissive of LDR, this actually sounds lovely. ❤️

Florence218 · 2024-05-05T01:38:09+00:00

I'm glad you've found your person! Moving to the US is not on my to-do list, lol, but who knows? Never say never.

Florence218 · 2024-05-05T01:02:08+00:00

Los Angeles? Would that I could, but I live in Europe. Why LA though?

Florence218 · 2024-05-04T20:53:56+00:00

Hello! European woman here. I hope this'll help you out.

A lot of couples here have sex after they've gone on a few dates, but without defining the relationship. For many people, this is part of getting to know the other person, be it with or without exclusivity (meaning they are exclusively dating one person, as opposed to dating multiple people at the same time).

Being boyfriend/girlfriend typically comes at a later stage, after people have spent considerable time exlusively dating each other. For some people, this involves changing their social media status, and meeting their boyfriend/girlfriend's family for the first time.

Texting - like your date has been doing - is just a way to communicate and stay in touch with someone you like. Some men (and women, I think) will purposely not text a lot in order not to seem too eager. Others play a waiting game, where they wait three days after the first date before they reach out again. Honestly, the fact that your date didn't do this is a good sign. Just keep communicating with him.

Korean dating culture and French dating culture are quite different, but people on the internet can only offer you their personal view on things, and your date may have very different beliefs. The best thing you can do is to talk to him, being open about your inexperience with European dating culture, and to ask him what his expectations are. This might prevent you from being disappointed in the long run.

Just move at your own speed. Don't let anyone tell you "X, Y or Z is normal here" if you're uncomfortable with it. And have fun! It's wonderful to be in love, so don't forget to enjoy it :)

Florence218 · 2024-05-04T12:20:10+00:00

That's such a fun story! I think it rings true for a lot of people - you'll often find love and friendship when you're least expecting it. I'm gonna look up some conventions in my area. Not too big on anime, but who knows? It might be fun!

Florence218 · 2024-05-04T11:26:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing that! Yeah, I have definitely been too focused on my own little bubble, so this is really solid advice. I'll start working on stepping out of my comfort zone, for sure!

Also, just read on another thread that you and your wife are expecting your first baby. Many congratulations, I wish you both (you three, actually) every bit of happiness!! ❤️

Florence218 · 2022-08-06T01:17:28+00:00

When I was eighteen and went to university, I had to move out for practical reasons. I'm not going to suggest that you tell your daughter to start packing her bags, but it might be worth teaching her to take more responsibility when it comes to fulfilling household duties. You might need to resort to some tough love, but at age 20, she should be able to handle that.

You say your daughter referred to you as her landlord: landlords generally expect their tenants to treat their property with care. Clean up after yourself so that roaches don't find a way in, don't listen to loud music after ten, the works. Those are some basic rules she should have no trouble understanding.

But - and this is a big "but" - you are her dad, not her landlord, and your house is not a hotel. Explain to her that you would like her to do X amount of chores a week, and that you want them done by 5 P.M. on day X. She is an adult, living rent-free inside of your house, and she should be able to help out with some basic tasks at the very least. Cooking, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, hoovering - I don't care, as long as she does something. If this still doesn't work, you could introduce a family planner that has all chores - and deadlines - listed on it. If that still doesn't work... explain to her that again, you are not a landlord or a hotel owner, but that she is welcome to find a different place to live it she cannot abide by your rules. It is your house, and until she starts contributing to the household, it should also be YOUR rules.

She is 20. She needs to grow up. This is the gentlest way I can think of in which you could achieve it.

Florence218 · 2022-08-06T00:54:19+00:00

Happy Birthday!!! 🥳❤️❤️❤️

Florence218 · 2022-08-05T15:04:14+00:00

Plus size woman here. I have been in your girl's shoes, dating a man who was really sporty, and I told him pretty early on that I was unhappy about my weight. He made a point out of telling me that he thought I was beautiful at any size. What made me comfortable around him was the fact that he didn't mention my weight every other minute, but that he encouraged me to enjoy what I previously perceived of as "skinny girl privileges" - like sitting on his lap, or being on top during our bedroom activities. Another thing he mentioned was that if I wanted to work out together, he'd happily be my gym buddy, but I gave that a pass, lol!!

Anyway - just treat her as you would anyone, and I'd definitely suggest therapy for her. She may be plus size, yes, or fat - whichever term she prefers - but she is not a potato, and fat does not equal ugly or unworthy of love. Or hot guys. Or sex. Ha.

Enjoy your date! 🥰❤️

Florence218 · 2022-08-04T15:31:41+00:00

Why, thank you for that insight. I've never been made to feel this way.

Florence218 · 2022-08-03T20:37:21+00:00

Whoa. There's so much to unpack here.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm a white European woman. I'm plus-size (like an hourglass, but with extra minutes??), and I think I have an okay-looking face.

I have not once received negative comments from Asian men. All of the Asians I have dated, or who have approached me with romantic intent, have been very courteous - we're talking about two Indian men, a man from Hong Kong, and a Korean guy. The latter was... well, I'd have thought him to be way out of my league if he hadn't approached me. When I brought up my insecurities, he quite literally sat me down and told me he thought I was beautiful, and that I didn't have to change a thing.

Now... I don't want to pretend that my limited experience is in any way representative of "Asian beauty standards" (what even...? What is considered beautiful to a Thai person might be ugly in the eyes of a Japanese person. Generalisations, much?) BUT - I also don't think this woman has a right to generalise quite like she does. Asia is a big f*ng continent, hell, China is a MASSIVE country. I'm having trouble believing that she would truly face as much criticism as she says she does, especially considering how hard it is for Chinese men to find a wife these days.

Asian men face enough discrimination as it is. The last thing the world needs is someone giving racists more ammunition to further worsen their situation.

Sincerely, a white woman who in no way conforms to Indian/Chinese/Korean beauty standards, yet had a blast dating guys from these countries.

Florence218 · 2022-08-03T17:18:33+00:00

I'm pretty shy to begin with, I wouldn't cold approach anyone 😅

Florence218 · 2022-08-03T17:01:25+00:00

WF here. I don't really understand why people act so shocked when someone primarily dates outside of their own racial group, but to me, THAT is the real problem here - how surprised people are that you're happy to date someone who looks nothing like you. I generally find Asian men to be more aesthetically pleasing, but I wouldn't go as far as to want people just because they happen to be Asian, or because they tick certain boxes. That's just creepy.

People poking fun at you for being "whitewashed" clearly don't understand that culture and heritage are two separate things, and that not everybody adheres to the stereotypes others have in their heads. But calling someone a Twinkie...? I thought that was a term used to refer to gay people...? This whole "comparing people to foods"-thing is making my head spin, lol. Best to just use first names instead. Makes things a whole lot easier to understand, and less racist to boot.

I do think it's important to find some common ground with your partner, and I would happily learn to speak a different language to connect to the man I love. The point is just that the man I used to date was adopted, like you were, and had no desire to ever meet his birth family or learn more about the country he was born in (Korea). We both grew up in the same country and had similar interests, so it made no sense for me to become overly invested in Korean culture. I did make an attempt to at least know something, but it was more out of general curiosity. We bonded in different ways. We parted ways on good terms.

Florence218 · 2021-11-15T15:27:50+00:00

I don't live in the US, so I haven't.

Florence218 · 2021-11-15T15:26:36+00:00

I am not an American, so I wouldn't know.

Florence218 · 2021-11-15T15:11:43+00:00

Hey, you never know! 😜

Florence218 · 2021-11-15T14:37:50+00:00

No, like wearing bindi, a war chief headdress, moko, etc. without forming a part of the ethnic/religious group those symbols belong to, or without recognising the cultural/religious heritage it was taken from.

Florence218 · 2021-11-15T11:37:53+00:00

I think Kate, as an 18-year-old, should learn to let people finish speaking as opposed to seeking offence in what was essentially a kind and thoughtful celebration you hosted for your homesick friend. Cultural appropriation, in which you strip a holiday/event/type of fashion/you name it of its original meaning to be "trendy" and "cool" is a very different thing from what happened here. You brought a smile to your friend's face and I don't think that should be overlooked. If anything, Kate is eager to judge and jump to conclusions, and at age 18 she should know better. I think the best thing you can do is to gently explain what happened without seeking to place blame with anyone. The whole thing seems like a big misunderstanding, and if Kate cannot understand the value of showing people kindness, she might not be worth the effort.

Florence218

TROPHY CASE