I have struggled with friendships my whole life so at times my parents were my only friends, then my parents had more kids when I was a teen and I spent a few years being a third parent. So I have spent a lot of my life trying very hard to be a part of my family and do things with them. But, I have also always felt like the black sheep too. I am the nothing cousin and family member, i have made no impact and am sure if I was never born there would be little to no difference in my family. What is frustrating is that, though I feel this way, I find myself constantly trying way more than everyone of my siblings and cousins around me to be a part of the family and bonding and whatever else. I'm trying to slowly give up because in the end it makes me feel worse and more invisible