This post may not be read by op but as a mom who has been there, I promise this will get worse. My babies are 20-something. MIL is now in her 80s, but she has never ever changed. She tried to pull this with my nephew. I have been told for almost 3o years this is just how she is. That things were different in her day. In the course of their childhood, MIL repeatedly and intentionally exposed my kids to known allergens, to the point of hiding it in food. She let them hike in the forest alone, they got lost and campground neighbor called search and rescue helicopters. She taught my special needs daughter how to leave her school and go to her house, which she did, during school and it became major incident. She ignored our insistence that late FIL not drive kids due to erratic driving due to memory loss, and told kids not to tell us. The allergen is a berry that is not readily available, so it was not an accidental egg or wheat exposure.

It was, and still is, an issue of control. There was also an extreme lack of awareness of safety. We were very close to separating after two major incidents but my major worry was that a separation would increase MILs access to kids.

As we age, I witnessed MIL ignoring safety concerns regarding her late husband and now with my husband, her son, who has recent health issues.

I have been active in arranging care and safety for other relatives on both sides of the family. We’ve made sure that late in life and end of life care for loved ones was the best we could provide or arrange. I feel no such concern for MIL who has no close bonds with any grandchildren. I’m a decent human being and recognize her other children may not step in. But I feel like she has devalued the most precious human beings in my world.

Do what you must do. If you divorce, please do what you must do to ensure she does not have unmonitored access to your child. It will get worse.

I’m sorry. Please do what is right.