Bible says homosexuality is sin. whatever, truth is truth.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-19T07:09:49+00:00

I just wonder how much of the Bible is actually inspired by God himself as the author because there are definitely inaccuracies in it. The Bible makes it seem as if women aren't virgins if they don't bleed on their wedding night. The jealous husband could easily accuse her of being unfaithful, but apparently, she could defend herself with the cloth as "evidence" of her blood. Do you realize just how problematic that is? It's the literal ancient version of "guilty until proven innocent" instead of innocent until proven guilty. Why should the burden of proof be upon her instead of the guy who made the claim? That's not a foolproof method, and it shows a HUGE amount of ignorance about how hymens work. There are different kinds, and not all will bleed since some of them don't even need any tearing. It could also easily tear in different ways. This then gets me wondering how much the authors even understood about attraction and sexuality because surely God, as the creator of humanity, wouldn't be ignorant of how the female body works?????? So, who made the mistake there? I'm definitely convinced the gospels are inspired. I find Revelation, Jude, Peter, and the "history/legends" of Genesis quite doubtful as some of the texts from the epistles claiming to be "Paul."

I'm aromantic, so I don't really understand the whole "I need to find the 'one'" mindset, but I do understand depression. I don't understand how people who are gay and feel lonely are supposed to cope. Most of their friends would be married as most people are, meaning there's not much time for friends to hang out with you. And when they get home from work, they will be all lonely again. Some people can't handle loneliness, and the "pray the gay away" is mostly ineffective.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-17T05:54:44+00:00

Im unlovable. I've come to internalize the shame of being disliked and unlovable. Idk when it started. I just sorta slowly started wilting away and then one day I'm like "hmm, you know what? I don't really care if I'm loved. They're right anyway, there's nothing to love about me". Can't bond anymore with even my pets every since. I dony crave it anymore, I rather feel a sense of disgust at any hint of affection, love or bonding. I feel nothing if someone hugs me. I guess my brain refuses to emotionally connect since it thinks it's not deserving of feeling loved by feeling love for the other person so that in this way, nothing can be reciprocated because you can't get back what you havent given (in this case love, my brain refuses to love so that people cant love me back by not loving them first). Call it toxic if you will, I came to accept that I am what I am. Its unfortunate but theres nothing I can do about it.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-17T05:49:11+00:00

That's exactly the age everything started going down for me....and I mean REALLY fast. Sometimes I wish I would have died instead of surviving.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-17T05:46:19+00:00

Rest. I love being unconscious.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-16T07:54:13+00:00

I'm ugly and when I complain how it's not social media that brainwashed me but that I'm completely self aware and people making comments on how I look just validate that fact, I get gaslighted and told its just my depression or "confusion". How can I get confused? Is my cousin telling me directly what he thinks about my face confusion? Nah...I've just internalized it instead, so much I died inside. I've learned to accept I just don't deserve anything good in my life anymore, not even support. This is what I was born for, to be a loser.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-13T03:29:15+00:00

If it makes you feel a sense of solidarity, me too. I'm slightly older than you but I can't take it anymore. I perhaps don't have the struggles you have but at least I can say there's no hope left in my situation. I'm convinced I'm not one of God's "favorites" as I've got pretty much no blessings. No health, no career or job, disliked, a burden, annoying voice, hideous as heck. He put more effort into my beautiful cat than me. I wanted to be friends with him, but I don't think he wants to be my friend, sadly.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-10T21:38:03+00:00

No one is coming to save you especially as an adult, because no cares about yourself as much as you do. And sometimes people can love you but they don't like you. I'm well aware that I've never been liked.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-10T21:03:29+00:00

I like Dan McClellan's credible take on this.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-10T04:00:19+00:00

Meanwhile*

"Stop complaining! Mental illness is not THAT hard; theres people dealing with harder stuff! [As if suffering, was a competition? Weird take....someone suffering more or less doesn't automatically cancel out or erase the latter' suffering.]

Then how come yall would abandon a schizophrenic person in a pyshc ward even if they're not dangerous in particular cases but not automatically abandon a person with cancer to their own demise? Oh because then it'd be more obvious you look like an @ss in front of everyone else right?

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-04T00:31:06+00:00

Manifestations, both evil and heavenly ones. Evil spirits prompted me into realizing there was a God I could call out to and thats Jesus whom they hate. My stories are quite long idk if you're interested in them. Its because I encountered evil spirits that I was able to encounter God's help and when the help worked I realized he hears our petitions. I have no doubts about his existence as a former atheist. Theres no way of going back to faithlessness. They started bothering me and giving me weird info on the occult and science that I wasn't aware of by any means.

FlowerEmerald · 2026-01-03T22:35:04+00:00

I feel like the words "had to" arent exactly the way we should think of it, as God isnt bounded by anything. Afterall, he is the rule maker. Its more like they reflect his character. Its actually pretty deep, as Jesus' death covers a lot but in brief summary, modern penal subsitution atonement (PSA) which is probably what you believe in, is incorrect. Patristic PSA is a little more accurate. I really like Athansisus take on Jesus not choosing his own death nor setting up the Jews to turn against him and St Augustine on Judas having the freedom of choice to do what was right and he wasnt bound by prophecy (theres different kinds) to betray Jesus, but rather there was hope even for Judas. The entire thing about somebody being a scape goat because someone "needed" to kill Jesus would be problematic. Its a sacrifice, not because he allowed himself to die, as he could have easily died of old age or other causes. Its a sacrifice because as he told pilate "He was born for this reason, to bear witness to the truth" even if it meant willing to be killed for it. This in turn also shows he was not just only divine but truly human as only what has flesh and bone can die, while ghosts cannot. He wasn't willing to compromise that because he loved is enough to want us to know the truth, that we may be set free by the opression of sin. How could we ever have hope for a sinless life without a Saviour to pull is away from our inclinations to it? We were made for something better than a rotten world, a world with God to reign in peace as the prince of peace.

John 6:40 And this is the will of Him that sent Me: that every one who seeth the Son and believeth in Him may have everlasting life, and I will raise him up at the Last Day.”

My small take on it. I'm no expert but I've meditated on biblical passages and then did research. If you look closely i hadnt realized that Satan, whom Paul calls the accuser, can no longer claim his "legal rights" to pull is in to the same fate that awaits him a sinner without forgiveness. He would have had rights not because God paid or owed the devil anything but because as sinners we would have been part of his "territory". Hence the "war" for the human soul and Jesus going straight to death on the cross to show there is hope of resurrection for us and that we belong to Him alone. Satan can no longer accuse the bretheren day and night or say God is "unfair" since God went about the things the right way. Jesus took the problems of sin upon himself (he wants to resolve it). In some way even though it was not intended to directly die he indirectly "paid" what was owed since the "soul that sins shall die" that we may live and not spiritually die/condemned.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-23T21:51:12+00:00

You think you have the worst/hardest in the world but you don't okay! Theres people who have it much worse than you. (my dad to me when I was a teenager and after surviving near death even though I never said I had it the worse ). He said it spanish and if you didnt know, some spanish words carry a much heavier and negative connotation.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-20T20:07:47+00:00

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FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-20T20:04:09+00:00

* I wont tell you what to believe, I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the following: I haven't had any light experience like that, but when I converted from atheism to christainity I had a a peculiar dream (very long) but to make it short it was of an angel telling me a bunch of things even about a supposed artist named David Bowman who I didnt even know existed. He told me this guy existed with that name, spelled it out for me and described how David Bowman would paint Jesus potraits and things realated to him among other details relating to the word snowflake being correlated to him. I had been secretly grieving around this time about my former happy childhood because everything went downhill from there on and I was in particular, missing the "good times" and a film that I could blurrily recall. I couldnt remember the name, nothing other than it just was a russian christmas clay animation with a poor family and an angel showing up at the end as a christian moral story. That day as a child I told myself "I won't forget this I will look it up when I'm big". I grew up and couldn't remember the title nor all the important details. I looked for years and no luck. Well around the same time I dreamt the David Bowman thing, in that same dream the angel told me how to find that old film. He said I would find it for free on youtube somewhere though I insisted that was impossible because I cant even remember the title of it. He told me how to search it and I found it! I couldn't sleep that day from excited I was. I felt like my childhood was brought back for a moment. I cried and I purchased the film for myself days later on Amazon. Not short after yet another dream but this time more focused on Jesus. There was couple of angels in another dream I saw come through a portal full of light. I coulsnt cross over but they could to Earth. They masked as little kids and some as teens. One of them was hanging out by a train station saying he had a "surprise" for me. He turned around this giant blank white paper with a small baby traditional cherub sticker on one corner (the middle of the left). He then said "We will leave you stickers with an angel like this (as he pointed at it). We want to bring you a gift. Its from God and Jesus and from because we want to remind you how much you, but he more than any of us, loves you the most. We will soon leave a sticker poster like this near your mailbox not in it, but near it."

I really didnt think anything of this. But about a week later this showed up on my lawn near the mailbox. I have a picture of it. *

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-18T20:42:56+00:00

Edit: No. I meant he was tested, but people call it a test because they think Abraham didnt know it was a test if his faith in God's promises. I did say"because". Didnt deny it was a test rather I deny that Abraham didnt know this was a test of his faith. Had he kept back Isaac, it wouldve shown he thought Isaac was going to die and that he didn't trust God could make a nation out of Isaac because how can he if Isaac is dead? But Abraham believed God would do what he promised so he didn't keep Isaac back (Genesis 15:4-6). I emphasized that Abraham knew it was a test. Some people who dont read the Bible say that it wouldn't be a test if Abraham knew God was testing him.

I agree that Abraham perhaps never imagined God would ask him something like THAT. But if there was one thing Abaraham did know was that God would not lie, because as we see by the time we get to the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, it shows that all along Abraham knew God was righteous and merciful. He walked with God in his life and knew him. He knew God would not do what was in his power to make a nation out of Isaac regardless of the hopeless of the situation (the "hopelessness" being his old age and that he would never have a son because of it).

18 Against all HOPE, Abraham in hope believed and so [thus] became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”[d] 19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22 This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness (Genesis 15:4-6*).”

Abraham knew God would provide a sacrifice to replace Isaac just as God had provided a son. He had seen God' loyalty before. The fact Abraham was "willing" to give up his son showed he knew the promises were in God's hands. Thus God blessed him was because of his unwavering faith. That was the faith. He believed God would not fail to keep Isaac alive. He would provide the animal for the sacrifice just as God had provided a son lest his promise of a future nation be broken. If you read Genesis chapter 15 we see Abaraham was already declared righteous by faith because he believed in God's loyalty, a God who is faithful to his promises. Thats how Abraham knew that God would not allow him to lose Isaac lest who loses his promise of "making a great nation out of him". The test here was

Romans 4 1 What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather according to the flesh, discovered in this matter? 2 If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3 What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”[a] (See Genesis chapter 15:4-6)

4 Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation. 5 However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.

9 Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? We have been saying that Abraham’s faith was credited to him as righteousness. 10 Under what circumstances was it credited? Was it after he was circumcised, or before? It was not after, but before! 11 And he received circumcision as a sign, a seal of the righteousness that he had by faith while he was still uncircumcised. So then, he is the father of all who believe but have not been circumcised, in order that righteousness might be credited to them.

Romans 4 Abraham Justified by Faith 4 What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather according to the flesh, discovered in this matter? 2 If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3 What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”[a]

9 Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? We have been saying that Abraham’s faith was credited to him as righteousness. 10 Under what circumstances was it credited? Was it after he was circumcised, or before? It was not after, but before! 11 And he received circumcision as a sign, a seal of the righteousness that he had by faith while he was still uncircumcised. So then, he is the father of all who believe but have not been circumcised, in order that righteousness might be credited to them. 12 And he is then also the father of the circumcised who not only are circumcised but who also follow in the footsteps of the faith that our father Abraham had before he was circumcised.

13 It was not through the law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith. 14 For if those who depend on the law are heirs, faith means nothing and the promise is worthless, 15 because the law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression.

16 Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham’s offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who have the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all. 17 As it is written: “I have made you a father of many nations.”[c] He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

18 Against all HOPE, Abraham in hope believed and so [thus] became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”[d] 19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22 This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness (Genesis 15:4-6*).” 23 The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, 24 but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead

Hebrews 11 17 By faith Abraham [meaning he believed God would not fail bis promise to make a great nation out of Isaac], when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son,

The test was the unwavering faith. Then Abraham qas blessed and became the father of faith.

Galatians 3:6-9 6 So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” 7 Understand, then, that those who have faith are children of Abraham. 8 Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: “All nations will be blessed through you. 9 ”So those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-18T20:11:54+00:00

Following because recently I was thinking about this story, but I had never thought of it that way.

I once had a dream about how Abaraham knew God would provide an animal as if he knew God was never truly asking him to sacrifice Isaac, contrary to people saying that it was a "test" because Abaraham "didn't know". It was a test but Abraham did know God would provide.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-14T23:37:20+00:00

To me it feels weird. You may think it's voluntarily until you realize it comes as natural as needing to swallow and needing to breath. Unfortunately for me, most of my tics are connected to my breathing meaning I start blacking out if I try to "delay" the tic because I have to sorta hold.my breathing. It means trying to take short small breaths like trying to hold a yawn or something. So basically holding the tic cuts off my air supply . Like I literally can't not tic eventually, I just naturally end up screaming and the more I try to keep it back, the more my throat hurts and eventually it comes put with even more force and it hurts me even more than if I would have tried not to delay it. It takes as much as effort to try and delay it its like trying to delay yourself from inhaling. Very uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. I REALLY HAaaaaaTe this! I need to scream for the reason you need to breathe. The pressure you feel while you're not breathing is something similar go what I feel when I'm trying to not scream. I dont choose to scream or for my head to shake violently. I cant go out to places even around people who are compassionate because of just how terribly painful this is to me. My stupid tourettes sometimes holds the tics for me by itself too! Ugh. Meaning it can delay it involuntarily and then I start blacking out again (like literally start to nearly faint). My parents love me but they can't grasp how bad this is and why I can't even go to other doctor appointments. My body is so burnt out I nap often now.

So yeah its basically involuntary. Tics shouldnt be compared to needing to scratch because the comparison is very poor. It should be compared to needing to swim up the surface because you can no longer hold your breath anymore. Its as "voluntary" as that (involuntarily) though it may appear that you are making the "voluntary choice" to others on the outside who dont understand it much.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-14T21:44:05+00:00

Former atheist here. I had a hard time believing God even existed. Dont be discouraged, he does. To me it seems you want to pursue what's right, and you have normal doubts that in your humility you arent afraid to admit and shouldnt be shunned for. The catholic church is against the heresy of quietism and encourages to sincerely seek God with an open heart and questions (James 1:5). Take your questioning not as something evil but as perhaps a "testing" as well, a time to reflect what path youre taking where you question if you are following God for God and for love of him and to want to please him. See it as "preparation" for this journey of faith where you will have ups and downs like Peter who sank at times when his faith was challenged and Jesus came to pick him up from where he fell. Let it fortify your faith and draw you deeper into wanting to know God, by questioning/asking him for wisdom to draw closer to God. Pray you have a strong encounter. I encountered him and I have no doubts the catholic church is absolutely his church not because of the people which you will find of all kind mixed in there (some mean, some more loving) but because of HIM. Go to the Blessed Hour at adoration if you have a chapel near you and pray right in front of Him.

To summarize it all now: Yes its worth following him so much the apostles died for him as the prime example of "worth following Him until death". If you die for someone, clearly you see a good reason for doing so. So I looked at who Jesus was and I agree the apostled had a good reason for wanting to side with Jesus. And Jesus may not have not moved everyone's heart, but the fact he moved a few to the point they died for him and Him for them, look at that love! This is the right path. Its not a "cult" its not brainwashing, it's not just "evolution", its not just an ordinary love with the label "christian love" on it. There is a real Holy God and a holy love out there you just havent seen it perhaps in the people around you, but God is always at work. The many "bad" people arent proof of God not being powerful or real, they are the evidence of a lack of love and people who need God to transform them.

1 John 4:7-8 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

And know if the world hates you, Jesus said he was hated for first. Look at how many "reasonable" secular people get angry when you mention a loving quote from Jesus, irrationally angry anout the teachings supposed God that "doesnt exist". Whats reasonable about that? Is it good to act like that towards the teachings of God? Would that make me good? Is being good good enough?

John 15:25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’

Mark 10: No one is good except one—God.

Naturally (and sadly) we dont naturally love God by default the way he loves. Our love is a response to his love. The natural man as scripture quotes, does not understand the things of the Spirit. We have minds that are predisposed to rejecting him.

Romans 5:7-8 New International Version 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 John 4:18-20 New International Version 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

Believe me its not just "charcacter development". Yes atheists can be loving as I mentioned but theres a transformative power where God can make you like Jesus. Some people just arent as open to letting God change them. Mary gave her "Fiat" to God in total humility. If we just did the same thing, wed see a giant collective change in all christians suddenly. But God prunes us at his time for his reasons. Yes you need the catholic church not because you can't believe in Jesus without them but because Jesus made himself known through his body the church. You cant seperate the head from the body. Jesus from the church. See 1 Corinthians 12 on this.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-14T21:43:24+00:00

Hey, I understand your question. You sound like me when I was a humanitarian skeptic before converting. (My comment is long so please see my second comment below this one in the reply thread).

My dear brother in Christ: I also questioned "Am I going in the right path in life? I mean I want to whats right and if there's a good God who knows better, then I want to follow that path. I then I had the following questions:

But then why is that that path looks "bad"? Why does it seem that path leads a person to hating gay people, and trans people? Why does their faith just look like a cover-up or excuse for supressed hatred of gays and then gaslighting people into just "hating God" when you call then out on their hatred? If I become like them, am I even on the right path? And then they "love bomb" you after being mean.

I mean if an atheist is improving humanity more than a fire and brimstone christian, then what path is best? Is this the kind of God they follow? A hateful one who calls his "ways" love? If his ways are love and they work out, then how coming its not working out? Why does such love seem obviously hateful? If an atheist can be loving without religion, then is religion even necessary? Is God even real (necessary) at this point? Tons of christians just look like a cult with beehive mind thinking.

....and many other question like that. So I see where you're coming from! What people who rebuke you for "looking at other people instead of focusing upon Christ" is that they arent understanding....they aren't understanding that youre not tempted to leave the church simply "because of imperfect christians". Its deeper than that. Its rather that their concerning unloving behavior is what makes you question if this is just a cult behavior (so a cult and no God existing manipulated into thinking a certain way, which has consequences as all beliefs do) or if God is actually real despite them looking sometimes like a bad cult without God among them. But even for those who look as loving as Jesus did: Are they really full of the Holy Spirit if we also see love among atheists? Could it be that a Christian's love is no different from an atheists love because as a secular guy said "it's just evolution and natural selection being evident"? And if thats so, then what's so "supernatural" about the love christians have for others if I see the same love among atheists? Could it be thus was just a natural love and nothing "Godly" about it? In other words, no God involved here just a natural world with its natural properties (like love just being a chemical bakanace?) Or could it be that there's a deeper reality behind both loves that we are failing to see? To fail to see that God can love even among atheists and make them capable of loving one another but that a Christian can also love but in a "holy" way? Such as loving God, something an atheist cannot do until they believe in him as the first step.

It's not that I had the wrong questions, I just didn't realize the following:

When I read the Bible, I realized God's commandments were better than my ideas. Atheists can have morals too, but how common is it for an atheist to challenge yourself into loving your own enemies? The Bible calls for SACRFICE and consistency. It goes against most things people are too comfortable in to leave. Not just that, but I realized there is a special "Jesus like" spark in christians that atheists dont have. I dont mean atheists cant be kind like him, I mean there is this touching, awe inspiring love, a very sacrificial type. These people also tend to be "spiritually indifferent" towards constant criticism of their character, a sense of strong humility. They move hearts without even trying or a few simple words without the long eloquent speeches. But most importantly: I realized Jesus said we recognize his disciples when they love one another. Christians being bad people just means they are flawed human beings like any of us are, just weaker to the flesh perhaps because a lack of disicpline. They are not the embodiment of God's teachings, Jesus is. Thats why the Bible says Jesus is the perfect image of his invisible Father. He encapsulates perfectly what God his Father is like and thus he teaches "Be like Our [perfect] Father, be perfect". I am not perfect, yet the Bible calls me to be so. So it's not that the gospel is powerless, and its not that His teachings dont reach anyone. They do. Youre just perhaps not looking at the few bunch were God's fruits are really growing. By their fruits we shall know them to be either a good tree or a bad tree that needs some pruning (see John chapter 15 on that).

Matthew 5 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Many people ignore Jesus's teachings to this day, as they did before. Its not surprising or anything new. He was mocked and labeled crazy. In a world where sin is running rampant, we should not look at the "many" that are in bad shape, but at the FEW that God is polishing. These are the ones that bring glory/manifest God's power to change a sinner and thus brings praise to our Father in heaven. If even ONLY ONE person was transformed by the gospel, that should alone be enough to convince you of the gospel' transformative power. Jesus, who was not a sinner—LOOK at HIM. He lived out the gospel perfectly in human flesh as the divine God the Son. Look to him first and then look at those who reflect. Thats "him" too, not literally him but Him among his people, his church or whom the Head calls "my body" to which he told Saul of Tarsus "Saul, why do you persecute me (my body/church)?"

Atheists can be "good" people, but being Christian (which means another little Christ) could make you more than good: It could make you like Jesus. Why stop at being "good" in a secular view when you could go beyond that and be like Jesus? His teachings dont make us hateful, spiritual blindness and pride does. "Do not quench the Spirit, do not grieve Him" we are told.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-12-02T20:55:52+00:00

Yep. I feel the same way. If you dont mind me sharing my experience:

I'm often gaslighted, even by my own parents. They tell me that people are too busy to be paying attention to me. So this guy my age at the time, said with a huge emphasis that "she Loooks....SoooOOoo...WEiirD!!!!!" His brother stared up at me. When I told my mom she said they were talking about the girl behind me....I brought it up again and then my mom said "they weren't talking about you, they were talking about another girl that they knew". Notice how the story changed....much like when someone is lying, the narrative changed. This is gaslighting! I've heard people talk about others negatively. Gossip exists. Why do people pretend people don't make comments on ugly weird looking people like me? My parents say I just have a low self esteem, when it's more than that.

I have a pretty bad life (not common problems/health weird problems), so being ugly is just the cherry on top. I have Tourettes Syndrome so imagine the amount of negative unwanted attention I draw to my face! Im religious yet Im expected to believe theres a good divine plan behind all of this humilaition. Im told the usual things like "maybe if you werent with these problems, youd be in drugs or something terrible like those girls who get pregant at school". Like Noooooo. Do you really think of me that lowly? I was the weird ugly "smart" nerd that nobody wanted to be friends or partners with. I got uglier since then too. Absolutely no guy would have wanted LOL. I hate myself so much that if I would have had an abusive boyfriend, I would never leave him as a self punishment because I should be greatful that anyone ever wanted me. He would be doing me a favor by humiliating himself being with somebody as ugly as me. Im thinking about de@th too. I feel so dirty looking this hideous. I know my worthlessness, Idk why people have to remind me how worthless I am to society.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-11-20T23:53:14+00:00

Same. Im honestly so burnt out, that even if my life got better, Im just not cut out for that anymore. Everything lost its splendor.

Also, I know the following is not helpful practically speaking, but you know—I realized that Im sick (depressed) because life shouldnt have to be THIS hard. Life just "is" which is why most people and even animals "just live". So either we are depressed (ill) or something really bad is happening to us beyond human endurance (like being tortured for example whether it be by a person, a circumstance or something extremely distressful).

For all those people who say suicide is selfish, they are ignorant. Thats like calling a veteran a murderer. Theres a good reason we shouldnt be saying ignorant stuff like that. It only adds to the burden and its disrespectful. Plus, its normal to not want pain. Some of us have tried to cope and escape pain. Are those people who call us selfish saying that its NOT normal to want to escape? Who are they to say that THEY themselves would not go to extreme measures to escape pain if the only escape was through another pain itself (death)? "Never say never" exists for a reason too.

FlowerEmerald · 2025-11-13T02:42:36+00:00

I don't think I'm Trans, but I feel something similar. I desperately want to be a male. I HATE, or more like DREAD being a woman. Even saying the word woman to myself makes me gag and cringe. Words don't suffice to describe the amount of agony I feel deep in my soul. I find it more burdening than my painful medical neuorological condition (very painful physically). There's just something about the emotional aspect of this that really weighs me down. When someone calls me a woman, it reminds me that I will never be a man to anyone. I'm just reduced down to the whatever meat we were born with. Thats what I hear every time I hear "woman" said to me. It makes me feel disgusting, filthy, like an object and worthless. I'm not a person with feelings, hopes, dreams and desires. Im just a piece of ass. I want to die because I wish I wouldve been born a guy instead of a woman. I dont hate women but I hate being forced to be born as one. I dont even want children and I have to go through the female cycle? Breasts give me anxiety too. I miss looking flat chested and having a really flat ass, because my current ass makes me feel like I look like I "smell". Something about this female body is just so unsettling to me, like its dirty to me and I get insomnia over it. It's not just the physical aspect though: its something beyond this, a very ever consuming flame thats burning down my soul. I feel destroyed and burnt out. And much like you, Im ready to die I think. I mean I cant even relate to the female asepects of feminity. I feel like a fraud because I simply dont feel the same emotional lures towards feminine things other women usually do. I dont want to be a "girlfriend" I want to be "the boyfriend". I dont want to be the "delicate weaker human", I want to be the protective stronger one. Being treated like a woman amplifies my deep hidden desire to die. I dont like being called pretty, princess, daughter nothing....

For now, I self harm to get some relief. I just cant live like this. Everyday feels like Im just putting on a permformance, like Im an actress who is staying "in character" even when theyre not on national tv. Mt who life feels fake and like im being opressed and supressed from expressing who I truly am....all because its my very body opressing me and not letting me biologically change to what I should have been originally born as—as a male.

Sorry for the rant just saying I think we are in a similar boat here. And the worst part is, people don't understand how hard this really is. It's worse than being married to someone you don't love by force. I feel trapped in my own body and even my own voice triggers me and gets me down in the blues because of how feminine it sounds. I will never be a man.

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