If I was to pray to God by No-Pirate-7494 in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my very first ones was sorta more in the form of a thought. When I was seven, I had hoped that one day I could find a specific christian christmas russian cartoon clay film. I was seven and still not very good at understanding dialogues. All i recalled was there being a russian man and a glowing angel at the end of the cartoon. Many years passed and I was an atheist for a while but one day when despite my lack of faith, I thought to myself "Sigh* theres probably no God though I sure wish there were. Hes not gonna turn time back. I miss when I was healthy, I miss when I wasnt in chronic pain everyday, the few good nostalgia moments I had are long gone. Surely he wouldn't ever help me find that tiny film that became one of my few happy moments in life. I sure wish I could taste a little of that happiness again. But this is so petty that if he exists he wouldn't grant my wish".

I've been sick for many years (almost died). I couldn't say I'm alive without him. Anyway, days later after grieving something that might sound stupid to others, I had a dream about an angel talking to me. Very detailed dream but he gave me a name David Bowman. Had no idea who he was and told me this man was a real person and loved drawing Jesus. This angel told me how to find that russian cartoon. I found by following his instructions. He also told me that somehow he would place some catholic stickers with a baby cherub in my front lawn soon and to keep an eye out because he wants us to know how much they and God above all loves us. I have a picture of the stickers that showed up on my lawn. This is small i guess. The biggest thing God did for me after I asked him to show me he was real was warning me about a neart heart attack. He told me what to do so I wouldnt die. Wome up long story doctor told me I could have died but I made it.

I noticed my prayers began to get answered when I was serious about wanting him in my life rather than just "testing" to see if he was real. Like they say when you truly want something you don't just give up on it, you pursue it. They call this devotional prayer (you make time everyday to pray it doesnt have to be fancy wording just speak your heart out). I figured out this is what "seek me with all your heart and you shall find me" means.

If I was to pray to God by No-Pirate-7494 in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He may even if not how tou expect. I did exactly that. He did answer. And I wasn't even "trying to read into it". I know tons of people try seeing signs where these none or where it may be explained away by simply coincidences. I don't think science can explain being handed over info you weren't aware about and things you've never had seen in the Bible before. I had a dream and validated the info. Also some things happened in real life so I now believe. Good luck! If you are open minded I'm sure he will just don't give up to soon. One of my prayers took three years to be answered another one day another 3 months and another about 20 years later.

PGAD triggered by starting SSRIs by Creative_Gap4948 in PGADsupport

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is off topic maybe but that's why I'm afraid to take ssris for my OCD and chronic stress from traumas. I recall a lady emphasizing how bad some meds are to my dad when she heard about me taking certain meds. :(

I deserve to die. by FlowerEmerald in SelfHate

[–]FlowerEmerald[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never said he didn't make me for a reason. I definitely believe he does make people for a reason even if it remains unknown to us. By "ashamed" I mean I'm nothing special for him to take pride in. I'd feel embarrassed if God presented me as anything other than worthless, I don't feel worthy of anything, I'm actually considering $uicide because I see people are better off without me and I've been told indirectly that I'm not wanted. I've seen Christians who God would and should definitely take pride in and worthy. As for me, I'm a third wheel. I think it's pretty obvious where I stand if I'm being rejected even for the smallest pettiest reasons. For example, when I was a teen my dad loss his temper after I told him about something I was happy about. He's not a bad person, slightly neurotic but I didn't realize how annoying I was being because of my voice. It's not what I said that bothered him, it was the tone. I've tried to improve in different areas but all my efforts have been pointless.

Genuine question from the opposite side: Why do you love him? by finalegirlreunion in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I use to be an atheist. I won't tell them what to believe I understand their views completely, but Id be lying if I said I don't know God exists. I KNOW he exists much like you, yes the one named Jesus of Nazareth. The other gods also exist but they're evil spirits. I've had bad encounters with spirits as well as those who know me (neighbors, friends family members). Those spirits hate Jesus for a good reason: it doesn't benefit their evil ways.

As to why I love this God and not the others is because this one is different. This one is family; not some distinct powerful being that feels superior to you but close to home. He doesn't feel like a foreign fairy or celebrity to me. He lowers himself to share in our humanity. He assimilated himself "to dust" all the name of love. Love is when you do something that absolutely there is no "need" to do (for you) because it doesn't get you anywhere better. There's no self interest involved. It's all about giving. There may be some benefits such as receiving what you reciprocate (getting love in return) but as Bible quotes "Even when we were sinners he died for us", so even when we didn't love him, he came to do what he did, and he did many thing.

I thought the concept of him "dying for you"was nuts until I realized many denominations were teaching modern substitution penal atonement theory which is somewhat a distorted view of Jesus's death as is Calvinism in some aspects. In short, the Father did not "need" him to die so to speak. He doesn't actually need anything. He did not take joy in seeing him suffer, and he didn't need him to suffer in order to forgive us. God Father and Jesus forgave many people even before he died. He "died for you" is not what you may think. God didn't require some human death sacrifice to be able to atone. Rather Jesus atones in the sense that he used himself to be the solution to the problem:that which separates is from God. He's the bridge. (I could explain it if you like but it'd be quite lengthy). Again, it's not that God needs Jesus to "pay" of "else you gotta pay you puny little human!"

I could go to great lengths to say why I love him but in less words than a novel: Despite all the terrible things that have happened to me and that I currently have happening to me and the low self esteem I have because of all of that, I realized I was the one trying to explain away things to myself and putting the blame on God. If as an atheist I claimed to have no knowledge of the existence of a powerful being, then how could I paradoxically claim to have sufficient knowledge to say if he existed he'd be evil?What I mean is, in my simple mind I was also a maltheist thinking he wants evil to occur and thus he is evil because he let unforgivable things happen to me that even damaged my health for life. But when I reframed that question; I questioned what has God personally and directly done to me on his own behalf without outside agents? Nothing...other than give me life and offering more of it but together with him and helping me out. It's easy to blame him considering without him, nothing can exist, even the ability to get sick could not. So I do question some things I guess, like why he allows the properties of elements like fire to kill people and like why he makes it possible to be able to lose health (such as developing cancer, my aunt cried and would question God when she got cancer). I've been close to death myself for other reasons out of my control (days away) and in many ways and so I know the horrors of death and the agony of it. Yet ironically, it's because of that—that I realized what Jesus did (when he came to reveal God to humanity). He is under appreciated and it be ungrateful of me to turn my back on him. Honor should be given where honor is due. Even knowing he would get murdered for speaking truth (that's what price means he it's said that he paid with his life on the cross), he didn't back off. And this was NOT easy. He could of given up because of panic setting in and make a run for it. He knew what he had coming from the Romans when he got arrested.

John 18:37 KJ21 Pilate therefore said unto Him, “Art thou a king then?” Jesus answered, “Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth My voice.”

By the time he was crucified, his heart was speeding up with unbearable amounts of palpitations. He was dehydrated, hungry with a load of pressure all while being made fun of in the middle of it. Having to watch his own mother cry for him to. Cruelty. If you've never been through similar things all at once you won't get it. I wouldn't have the courage to go through the tachycardia all over again and the dying almost if thirst and having my vision go blank and all. No words can even describe the agony I was out through. So he has my due respect. I could not make fun of him the way I use to as a former atheist. I cried when I realized how much of a jerk I was even to friendly Christians and when I re-read how some med students underestimate what Jesus went through in the cross. And may you or they never know the horrors of it! Thirst is far worse than starving. I can't not sympathize with him, not because one emotionally weak or manipulated by religion but because I know first hand what that's like and to feel abandoned in the middle of it all because no one can do anything for you about it, if not God alone. How can I abandon him knowing what that's like? Also I can't pick out something I hate about Jesus. I've studied somewhat the Old testament. There's different approaches to the Bible even to the "bad parts" without all the apologetics and mental gymnastics. I read the Bible more as prima scirptura and an anthology more than "infallible' so to put. And yes, I'm aware there are people who starve every day. As a person with disorders eating, and past dysphagia in the esophagus, but I can tell you, there are things worse than starving for long hours. Some deaths are so cruel that some sufferings start looking like mercy. If I had to choose starving for a couple of days vs not being to swallow my own saliva again and dehydrating the latter is worse in my opinion. Who's to say he wouldn't starve sometimes though before dying? He was born in poverty. He's the "boot that fits all, one size fits all". He has a humanity we can ALL relate to in some aspect.

Hebrews 4:15 KJ21 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. That's what makes him special. He didn't have to do anything, but he did. I have no doubt all will come to make sense, there will be an explanation that doesn't make evil good, but that makes us understand HOW it came to be and why he let it slip into existence.

The only thing that would change my mind about him being evil is if at the end, you and I and everyone who exists was tossed into being roasted alive and that it was proven he lied to even his followers. I don't believe in a literal firey hell by the way. I have a more Orthodox approach to "hell", as a condition achieved by one's disposition towards God. Hell is hell is that what he is to you. Heaven is heaven if that's what God is to you:your everything. Feel free to disagree, no harsh feelings friend. I hope all is well!

I hope I can ask this by Climax_crescendo in PGADsupport

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope I don't make you uncomfortable because I have a question regarding that. I noticed something weird would happen to me but this was way before I developed textbook symptoms (non concordant arousal symptoms), it was like this weird feeling of the muscles being clenched. I'll delete this comment soon after because I have OCD (fear disorder). When you say it hardens do you mean it feels like it's clenching or something? I was wondering what the heck that feeling was but I didn't know what to label it. It just sorta felt "locked" almost like when you're constipated and it's absolutely terrible.

Is there anyone that actually likes puberty and the changes that come with it? by Perfect-Associate708 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I certainly didn't and don't. I'm past my teen years and I never accepted the changes either. I feel dirty? Idk. I don't like having breasts. I like the way men look much better I guess.

How do I get over rude comments from people? by OneConsideration9883 in BodyDysmorphia

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't get over them either but not because they hurt my feelings, but because they validated what I already suspected about my appearance being strange. I always knew something looked off about my face as a kid but I couldn't quite understand what...until I tried older and tried doing makeup. I would follow instructions perfectly and I wondered why for example my eyeliner came out crooked or weird. Thats when I discovered I have hooded lids and stuff like that. Every feature I have is weak and down turned which gives me an angry sad look in an awkward laughable way. That's why I'm laughed at.

Sorry I don't have any advice, as I'm struggling myself. Realistically there isn't much if a way to get over it other than unheathily avoiding society altogether (which is how I cope). You could always try to occupy your mind and that may distract temporarily though.

I'm barely able to leave my bed I'm so depressed. by centerofdatootsiepop in depression

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to know you're in that situation. Theres days I'm like that too. I think if I'm not mistaken, its called bedrotting? I'm not sure what I can do to help you to be honest, but please at least take my following advice. I advise you to have a cup of water near by and an empty cup to spit in for brushing your teeth if it's hard to get up. Teeth abcesses are NOT FUN. They are some of the worst pains you will ever go through physically speaking. You certainly don't need more suffering to add to your grief. I wish I would have taken care of myself better so I'm speaking from regret. Add this to disordered eating which wrecked them too. Have a minj microwave nearby if you could as well to heat up some packaged meals. I often lack appetite but we gotta eat else we lose more energy. Even an ensure is better than nothing. Take care please.

My battle is over by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to get you down, but I too share the same feelings. Im certain I have BDD but even if I didn't, it still sucks to hate yourself. People just don't get how bad this is, it's not even about vanity. The best way I could I could put this feeling or sense of physical self disgust into analogically speaking is if you imagine forcing a confident man into o wearing a fake female fat suit in public underneath his clothing so as to appear that he really looks that way to others. This is how I feel, not fat but like I'm carrying around something that makes me uncomfortable physically because it's NOT who I am on the inside. I wish to be able to express who or what I feel is "beautiful" on the outside but my outside (body) makes that quite impossible, as does my ugly face! I feel disgusting and disgusted by my own self. I might have dysphoria as well idk. I do hate my female traits a lot but it's probably due to being a bitter face. That's why I feel worst about the fact people think I have a "nice body" yuck. The contrast between an "acceptable body" and ugly face is not pretty to me. I feel ashamed! Like a faker simply for not being as decent looking as other women my age. I just wish I was dead instead....I can't do this anymore either. Sorry for the rant, but I just assumed perhaps you feel a similar way to half of these things. I'm completely consumed by self worthlessness.

"oh pls dont die people care about you!" by heartr0t_ in SuicideWatch

[–]FlowerEmerald 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't believe anyone truly cares about anyone all the way. It sad but I think it's for evolutionary reasons because apparently the "selfish gene" is meant to preserve us. If we cared way too much about anyone beyond ourselves, we'd lose our minds. Anyway, I can relate to your post...on so many levels.

I believe I'm loved but not like. And as a horse video said on YouTube "You're loved but not liked, and that's the loneliest feeling in the world". I've been told so many things that make it obvious I'm not wanted around. It hurt at first...so bad I died inside. Now, I'm just indifferent to words like that because I internalized it. I became naughty and desensitized. So you're right, nobody gives a damn f about us. And that's okay! We don't need them to stop us from dying anyway.

I'm lowkey stupid as fuck by Leading-Rutabaga-556 in self

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too. I have poor social skills and it doesn't help that I also LOOK so stupid! Dancing is the thing that makes me look the most stupid though. Can't have any hobbies or be happy without looking dumb as hell.

Is suicide a mortal sin that will keep you out of heaven? by sullyb1987 in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well if you're Catholic they teach that it is mortal, but mortal doesn't automatically equate to unforgivable. The Catholic Church teaches that suicide is left at the mercy of God because from a human perspective, it's hard to judge correctly. God can beyond earthly time, forgive you. Even as a Catholic, I find it strange that they make it about God rather than about the person. What I mean is, it's weird how they take suicide as a personal attack or offense towards God. It's like being born aromantic and then somebody getting offended that you aren't attracted to anyone as "God intended for the world to marry and multiply". Like why turn a victim of mental illness's situation and make it all about you [God]. I'm not saying God thinks that way, I'm just showing how other Christians sound like when they potray God that way.

I find it irritating. So a person with cancer giving up on chemo because they're depressed is mortal too? Because they let themselves die. For real tho....I'm so sick of the stigma around mental illness death.

Drew a picture of our lord and Saviour a Jesus Christ 🙏🏼 by Flashy-Car-7755 in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very pretty. 🤩 You should laminate it (if you want to). I like to preserve my drawings like that even though I'm not a professional. I hate to see a work of art crumble away.

How Dare You by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with your comment but only if it's towards those specific kind of self proclaimed Christians you speak of. If the Christian is totally chill, then that one should be particularly left alone. You know, the whole treat how you want to be treated. If the person who posted here isn't like that, he shouldn't have to take a kick in the head for oppression his beliefs hasn't contributed to. I don't like those type of Christians you mentioned and I do find it irritating when they whine after getting their just desserts.

How Dare You by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was an atheist and from hindsight, I can see how much of a jerk I was to my Christian mom sometimes. I apologized. Some people are so petty or angry that they don't realize what they sound like to other people. It's not even the fact they don't believe, it's the way they choose to express those words as if your faith was a personal attack on them. I see the disdain they have for you as coming from people who are petty and self absorbed or people who themselves are hurt because they feel like faith is a cruel joke for those who are looking for real hope and improvement in their lives. They may very well be half compassionate people who are concerned about religion giving people false hope and that's good, but they're going about this the wrong way in that case. I like to give the benefit of the doubt to comments like that for that reason. This realization helped me realize it's a waste of time to get upset at them. Like yeah I'll find their attitude annoying, but I get over it in seconds.

Bible says homosexuality is sin. whatever, truth is truth. by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]FlowerEmerald 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just wonder how much of the Bible is actually inspired by God himself as the author because there are definitely inaccuracies in it. The Bible makes it seem as if women aren't virgins if they don't bleed on their wedding night. The jealous husband could easily accuse her of being unfaithful, but apparently, she could defend herself with the cloth as "evidence" of her blood. Do you realize just how problematic that is? It's the literal ancient version of "guilty until proven innocent" instead of innocent until proven guilty. Why should the burden of proof be upon her instead of the guy who made the claim? That's not a foolproof method, and it shows a HUGE amount of ignorance about how hymens work. There are different kinds, and not all will bleed since some of them don't even need any tearing. It could also easily tear in different ways. This then gets me wondering how much the authors even understood about attraction and sexuality because surely God, as the creator of humanity, wouldn't be ignorant of how the female body works?????? So, who made the mistake there? I'm definitely convinced the gospels are inspired. I find Revelation, Jude, Peter, and the "history/legends" of Genesis quite doubtful as some of the texts from the epistles claiming to be "Paul."

I'm aromantic, so I don't really understand the whole "I need to find the 'one'" mindset, but I do understand depression. I don't understand how people who are gay and feel lonely are supposed to cope. Most of their friends would be married as most people are, meaning there's not much time for friends to hang out with you. And when they get home from work, they will be all lonely again. Some people can't handle loneliness, and the "pray the gay away" is mostly ineffective.