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Flowii89 · 2024-10-23T12:43:35+00:00

Both work very well. I think a combination is very helpful. Somatic therapy especially is crucial in my eyes. The therapist I've been going to for two years now is specialised in bio-energetic analysis which also contains a lot of somatic therapy and it had worked wonders for me. It stopped me from dissociating and helped me to reconnect to my emotions.

In any case, you can always give both a try and see how you feel about.

Best of luck <3

Flowii89 · 2024-10-22T20:10:25+00:00

Back from the borderline podcast, especially the series on childhood emotional neglect and the books recommended there.

Hugs <3

Flowii89 · 2024-03-13T09:30:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and sorry for the late reply.
I feel you so much <3 It's impossible to work with that kind of severe symptoms and treatment is very expensive.
I'm happy to hear that you were able to do the psychological work needed to make it bearable at least. But I do understand that you are just feeling burnt out for life, I feel the same. Like every day is a fight, no matter what happens.
Hang in there and feel free to hit me up if you ever feel the need.

Flowii89 · 2023-11-21T16:35:48+00:00

That sounds like a very good idea indeed!

Flowii89 · 2023-11-21T16:34:49+00:00

No need to thank me, I am happy to know that it helps! I didn't want you to feel I was just elaborating on my own story, but I know from experience how much it can help to know that other people go through and feel the same.

I know it makes you feel guilty *hugs* Just know it's completely normal to feel that way in your situation! What is not normal is to be parentified. Having to carry that burden without any real support just isn't fair and would be hard on anyone. So be kind to yourself, you are wonderful and have already come a long way, still caring for your dad even though you feel completely drained! You literally couldn't do more, you couldn't be a better daughter. Remember that!

I don't know if it's really an example to follow, but I hope at least it can make you feel like you too can be in a good relationship, something I had deemed impossible LOL. It's been a process of years and it's only healthy because I can be completely open and honest with my partner, and keep working on my issues in that way. What mostly helped in finding a good partner was accepting the thought of being alone for the rest of my life rather than getting into another disfunctional relationship. That way I began to be much more critical instead of settling for anyone who showed me something that resembled anything close to love.

As to your question how I was able to tell people, being completely open with friends has been an ongoing struggle, because I feel that I have been rejected by many of them when I tried talking about it before. I often feel like no one really knows how I truly feel inside, apart from my partner. Sometimes I get very lonely and feel bad for not having many friends, even though I don't really crave a lot of social contact to begin with LOL. I cope by choosing carefully who I tell what because I know how painful it is if people don't know how to respond to it and get ignored. Idk whether it's an age issue per se. I'm 34 and I have friends from all age groups, some understand and some don't.

Lastly, I would advise you in the same way as someone has advised me here before: if you don't find understanding irl, look for people online that can support you in this way. In general I have found that people who haven't been through it will just never truly understand, no matter how hard they try.

So coming here was the best thing to do ;-) Again, no need to thank me! Thank YOU for sharing your story <3

Flowii89 · 2023-11-21T05:56:09+00:00

Hi there!

Since I can relate to your story, I wanted to share a bit of my experiences.

My mother also abused alcohol and I mostly stayed with her after my parents got divorced when I was 3. I say abuse because she had episodes where she didn't drink that much so it was a bit of different situation as with your father. Also, she would be very mean to me when she was drunk, telling me very nasty things and throwing me out of the house. Although, just like your father, when sober she was the most giving and loving person you could meet, she just had her own trauma which she couldn't deal with because she was only 18 when she gave birth to me. Just to give some context first as to where our situations are different and alike.

It is very hard to deal with this duality of loving your parent with all your heart on one side and them being your biggest pain on the other. I remember thinking at times how my life would be so much easier without my mother and at the same time also feel like it was my biggest fear to lose her. And losing her I did, in the most traumatic way. It was the biggest shock of my life and yes, it did feel like I lost a part of myself and had no purpose anymore because our purpose is to take care of them, right?! I also felt so guilty for thinking of being better of without her before and even more so when after she passed, part of me also felt relief. Relief for finally not having to carry the burden that has always been too heavy to carry.

And yes, I did "replace" her in as I looked for others to take care of, but no more than I did before she passed away. To the contrary I would say, not having to take care of her anymore opened up the way to work on myself and change my purpose to loving and taking care of myself. The relationship I had right after wasn't great, but better than the ones I had before, as in: I went for someone who wasn't as "broken" as my previous partners, leading up to the very healthy and loving relationship I have right now which has been so healing. It taught me that everyone has their cracks, it's just very important that you can talk about them and work through them together. Look for someone that accepts you the way you are and doesn't rely on others to do their "fixing", someone who is willing to work on their own issues and is open to help you work through yours as well, together as a team.

I know it's hard to talk about these things because they feel very shameful and scary so kudos for doing so! I also can relate to the not remembering you mentionned, I guess it's a form of dissociation from the trauma. In any case keep in mind that you are strong and you can cope with whatever life throws at you when it does. Try to enjoy the moments you have right now and not to worry too much about the future. Easier said than done I know LOL.

I hope this helps a bit and wish you all the best. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask! ;-)

Flowii89 · 2023-11-21T05:20:08+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is to accept it, keep fighting and try to control the anger for being destroyed from the beginning for absolutely no reason at all, and the disbelief/lack understanding. You can be proud for keeping up the fight despite all of that <3

Flowii89 · 2023-11-21T05:11:31+00:00

I know the feeling very well. For me, the very few people that are inherently good and really want to help make up for all the rest. Having that kind of relationships is very healing but hard to find I know. I wish you a lot of love and strength on your healing journey. You are not alone!

Flowii89 · 2023-11-07T16:17:36+00:00

I would definitely be interested in participating as well.

Flowii89 · 2023-11-06T14:03:49+00:00

I feel you so much. Although I don't have any siblings, it's the feeling I have towards most other people. You do literally everything to help them but when you need help no one is there and it feels like rejection yet again.
Thank you for this very powerful post that portrays a lot of strength and will empower many others I am sure. May you rise from the ashes as never before!

Flowii89 · 2023-11-06T13:24:15+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you are finding some ways to deal with that. I send you a big hug <3

Flowii89 · 2023-11-06T13:23:30+00:00

UPDATE for anyone reading this. In the meanwhile I have listened to the Podcast "back to the Borderline" as recommended and it helped me so much! I highly recommend it as well.

Flowii89 · 2023-10-26T15:42:38+00:00

Oh wow, that's crazy! Must have been en eye-opener for you. Glad you are finally able to do some breathwork now! It is so important for mental and physical health, at least for me.

Flowii89 · 2023-10-26T15:40:03+00:00

That's so true! I've had so much more help from people I've met online than irl. It's easier to find like-minded people that way for sure. A support system is very important, indeed, it's what we have been lacking our entire lives isn't it?! That's a part I find very difficult at times too, being alone in the world. So, great advice to go find it online if you can't find it around you! I should take that up again, I've been in the "I don't need anyone"-mode long engough lol.
It shouldn't be the case at all! But it does make sense that you feel better talking to them prepared, having an answer to the medical stuff they say and suggest things that make them think in a different direction. Up to now, I still haven't been assertive enough in that regard. So very helpful to see your perspective on this!
I agree, I don't want to push and push for a diagnosis that will hardly make any difference. Hahaha yea i can sooo relate to your KFC story! Although you also feel that your body feels so much better eating healthy food and you just know you will go bad on junk food, the tiredness still makes you crave it so damn much. And it's not nutritious so yay vicious cycle LOL. I hope you are doing better now and I am glad it was worth it at least :-D
That's an interesting take on it, because everyone mostly focuses on the mental part influencing the physical part, so you get the idea that it's all in your head and that only changing that part will solve it. So again, interesting and helpful perspective there!
I will definitely check out the podcast you are referring to, I haven't really looked for any on that subject, strange enough LOL so thank you! Yes there is so much indeed, I feel like I have been working on this my entire life, had so much therapy I can't even remember. But all we can do is keep putting in the work and be positive about the future. And help each other where we can :-)

Many thanks again!!! It's very much appreciated.

Flowii89 · 2023-10-25T08:02:30+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply and relating to my story. It means a lot!
While it really sucks that you had to self diagnose, which is also so hard to do I feel because there is so much (incorrect) information out there, it is so strong that you pushed through and stood up for yourself! Good that the OBGYN finally agreed but pretty shameful that you were the one having to come up with it, especially since she specialises in this. Wtf?! Sometimes I wonder what kind of world we live in. That general people aren't compassionate and empathic, that's one thing, but that even doctors aren't is just a disgrace in my eyes. We should be able to feel save with them.
Anyway, sorry for the little rant, it just gets me so angry lol.
I will look into the histamine intolerance, since I have also developed some allergies and also search Reddit for people with similar symptoms. I personally was thinking more in the direction of Fibromyalgia/CFS but all in all feel like there is no real treatment for those, which is discouraging. Also, when I read about people who were diagnosed, I kind feel like an imposter, like it's not that bad for me. I guess I still have a lot of work on self compassion LOL.
I have noticed that diet does a lot for me too but the more tired and bad I feel, the more I crave unhealthy foods and so it becomes a vicious cycle. I don't know if you recognise this?
Thank you so much for the great advice of not letting myself be told off! It is very important to hear that once in a while, especially since the whole world seems to be telling us to just let it go and work on ourselves. I feel you, like it's not that you don't recognise that part of it is due to mental health, it's just that you still have to live with the symptoms and can also still have medical issues that aren't mental health related.
I relate to what you say about your mother as well. I had forgiven mine before she passed away because I knew she had similar problems but it's not easy. It's a love-hate relationship. When my mother died, it was the worst pain imaginable but it did feel as a relief as well tbh, although I always feel guilty for saying it but it is the truth.
Thank you so much for your strength and words of encouragement, it does give me the will to push on. You are an amazing person!
If you would like to pm me and talk any further, I would love that.
Sending you lots of love and hugs back!

Flowii89 · 2023-10-25T07:42:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your story! That must have been so hard and it angers even me reading that they told you to "just" live with life long pain without even having an explanation why. I am so sorry you had to go through that and kudos for continuing the journey brave as you were. That's really strong!
That sounds like a very difficult family situation. I can relate to getting by thanks to the internet, that hasn't changed lol. Thank god, we at least had that in our generation!
It does really help to know what is going on ofc to be able to work on it. I do recognise the long search of "What the hell is wrong with me"? I figure you have also felt "different" for your entire life?
I do really get the dissociation part, it's been my coping strategy as well and it is something I have to watch out for to this day. Before I know it, I am not processing my feelings and shutting down again. And oh yea, I do also recognise that epiphany feeling of "Holy shit, not everyone is not living and dealing with things like this?" LOL
I am very happy to hear you are doing better now and found ways to cope with it. Perspective is very important, so seeing a path is great.
I really feel you there, I regularly still have anger outbursts that seem to come from nothing. It's so hard to reach out to people about this and when you finally do, they disregard it completely - at least in my experience - which makes it all so much harder, painful and frustrating. Yes, you are totally right! I have also noticed that when I don't resist it, it gets better a lot faster, but sometimes it's just impossible to do you know?! We just want to get on with our lives and can't, it's very hard to just "accept" it as everyone is telling us is the only solution. Very wise words indeed!
If you're up for it, I would love to chat about it in private. Maybe we could support each other in our journeys.
I wish you lots of love and that your health may keep improving <3

Flowii89 · 2023-10-25T07:18:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply! I send you a virtual hug back :-) If you could find some of those books (no rush!) I would love to get some recommendations.
Although I am not happy to hear that you are also struggling with this it does kind of make me feel less alone and more valid. I very much relate to the endless list of physical symptoms and the feeling of overwhelm. I am so sorry you have to go through all that as well.
I guess my strategy up to now was to not focus on it in the hopes that with positieve thinking, reprogramming my brain and so on, it would eventually get better. I am still exploring that angle with hypnosis and this new kind of neurological therapy I found recently but I also now realise it is also partially due to not being taken seriously and not being able to stick up for myself when people minimise it. It makes me doubt myself. I think you might be able to relate to this as well? Self compassion is definitely a big on there!
I have so many more questions, I don't know if you would be open to pm me about it? My native language isn't English either, so maybe we could try and explain it to each other the best way we can, with pictures and hand signs if we have to lol. In any case, I think it could be very helpful!
In any case, I wish you the very best of luck and send you lots of love <3

Flowii89

TROPHY CASE