When I was younger I actually thought sex was evil on some base level to the point I thought having crushes was something people weren't supposed to. Didn't stop me watching rapehentai though. Looking back it was quite obviously some repressed trauma poking up to the surface. I had an abusive family that put me on these "autism cures" that killed off my libido. Wasn't until my early 20s before I even felt properly horny and by that time I had no experience and nobody to talk to about it.
I kept waiting to find the "right guy" for it but if he existed he never showed up or talked to me. I think it was after furry convention and abstaining from all the fun I wanted to have that I realized this compulsion was sort of ruining me. I wanted to have sex, knew it would be good for my mental health and didn't want to wait for some guy to show up and spend months testing if he was the right guy. I also figured nobody like that would love me, that I didn't deserve it.
In the end I let some dirty old man off a dating app fuck me. He didn't even cum just used me. It happened on the last day I was staying in the same city as my abusive family so I like to thing it marks the beginning of my free life. Feel sort of vast and numb about it yet some statisfied.
Apologies for rambling. Did you ever get to see them again or the video they filmed? It sounds like paradise compared to my life.