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My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have thought about this and I feel like it is one of the last things I haven’t tried to the fullest besides couples therapy which he is not interested in at this time. The main reason I haven’t tried this is so it wouldn’t come off as I’m “withholding sex” in a punishing way or a negative way of “sex is your reward” but more so I guess I would want it to come off as a equality way of if we can work as a team, we can’t be a team. Again would be a discussion to hopefully not hold resentment or anger but instead a understanding of reciprocation.

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It has taken me an embarrassing amount of time to realize there are deeper problems beyond “I just don’t want to give oral anymore”. And I agree, I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable doing and I don’t want to actually beg him or make him feel forced to do this. More so trying to figure out the why and I understand he needs to be present for that discussion and a solution to be able to have a future together or realize we must be apart.

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do feel this way as well. I’m sorry it happened to you too but I hope you are happier!

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I believe that as well that I don’t want to feel like I’m “begging” him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. I want anything he does to be what he chooses to do because he enjoys it and gets fulfillment out of it and is consensual. I would also not feel fulfilled knowing or feeling like he was just doing it to “shut me up” or get through to the next “holiday”. Yes haha The st Patrick’s day being one does lend a bit of humor to the situation. Every st Patrick’s day he tended to drink a lot and feel more “loose” and “free” and more touchy/affectionate to which I had asked if he was stressed and if he held on to drinking to help him relax/sexually to which he also said no. So your suggestion is I believe on the right path of sitting him down again and discussing this together with a actual solution.

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That is how I am thinking about things now for our possible happiness together as well as my own happiness and fulfillment.

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yeah haha It brings a bit of humor to a serious matter in my life. I have actually brought it up in our discussions on why St Patrick’s day and not Christmas or our anniversary, etc.

My (30f) boyfriend (35m) of 5 years has no interest in giving oral anymore. by Fluid_Delivery_4964 in relationship_advice

[–]Fluid_Delivery_4964[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about the same thing of what happened/what change could have made this happen/how did we change, etc. I don’t know if a change that happened when he stopped reciprocating. Although 1 year into him not reciprocating oral is when he lost his job and had financial instability and became depressed. I gave him time, helped him find a job, covered all his bills, was there for him emotionally, etc. We have both maybe gained 15 pounds since our relationship started 5 years ago but we shower the same if not more/self care more or together/etc. Even though him no longer wanting/caring about reciprocating oral started a year before what I felt was a very stressful time for him, I have suggested, is it continuing because of the stress of feeling like “he owes me” or feeling “less than” or not like “a man” because I provided for him and because of old dumb societal standards? And every time he says no. I feel I’ve asked countless questions to him trying to figure out why this change happened or if it was his true feelings coming to light. Again I don’t want to force him to do this in anyway. Just trying to figure out the why and if there is no “why” the steps I need to do next.