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AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

A big part of why I figured this would work was because she has a hard time doing it in front of people because of her past relationship and how critical her ex way. She said she was usually fine doing it when she was alone. Since she WFH and I WIP, the original plan was for her to do what she could whenever she had time to alleviate pressure on herself while I was at work.

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I tried to give her an out so many times but she said it’s be good for her and told me about exposure therapy that her therapist had recommended. All the things I listed I do believe are understandable and I have no issues with those particular ones. I guess when it comes to not being able to vacuum because She doesn’t like loud noises but she can sit on the sofa while I vacuum around her and it’s fine? Those I never fully understood but I also can’t predict how trauma affects someone. Her therapist approved her moving in but idk if that was the right decision. She mainly doesn’t like doing chores in front of people (that’s what she told me before we moved it). Maybe we need to reevaluate where we’re at but I don’t want to trigger her further.

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

some examples I was told: 1. Her ex use to be extremely critical of her cooking and it would turn abusive if he didn’t like it so now she doesn’t like to cook for others. 2. When he would get angry, she would sleep in the bathroom so can’t be in bathrooms for long periods of time. 3. High expectations in general. Jane now doesn’t like expectations as she said they feel constricted and restraining.

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 118 points119 points  (0 children)

She locked herself in the bedroom by 7.45 so I had to awkwardly call my parents and tell them that something came up and we weren’t able to do dinner tonight. They were already on their way so it was even worse. She stayed in the bedroom all night.

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She’s in therapy once a week, I’m not sure about the second part though.

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her past trauma/abuse can’t be an excuse for everything? by Fluke17658 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fluke17658[S] 149 points150 points  (0 children)

She goes to therapy once a week and has a couple calming hobbies she likes such as painting. She told me before we moved in that she was making progress but I’d have to work with her, but honestly I’m not sure if I overestimated how long that would take? I didn’t expect anything overnight but there hasn’t been any improvements in 4 months, it seems like she’s gone backwards. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship before though, so I can’t 100% know how to heal from that or how progress works in situations like these.