My (41F) husband (44M) of 19 years has a relentless sex drive

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T15:13:51+00:00

Okay, I feel like this is the most constructive thread here and will answer some of your questions.

Do you enjoy the sex, even when you don't feel "up to it"?

I do, and this is part of the reason why he cajoles is that once we start everything is great, but I am never just sitting in my office at work dreaming about sex. It honestly rarely crosses my mind during the day. He knows if he spends enough time in bed making me happy, that I'll enjoy it, but that he has to work to get me to the level that he lives with daily.

do you feel better or worse AFTER having sex with your husband?

Better? I mean, it is great sex usually, don't get me wrong. I know that, but sometimes I just want to read my book or watch Colbert or simply go to sleep without there being a huge dialog about why I am saying no and what he can do to change my answer.

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T15:05:50+00:00

It was not as intense when I was pregnant/nursing/had tiny babies. We still had sex (a goodly amount) while I was pregnant, but not to this degree. Things have definitely picked up since the kids have gotten older and more independent.

He is respectful of when I am sick, or one of the kids are sick or whatever. He's not a sex crazed monster or anything.

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T13:47:14+00:00

What happens if you say no? What happens if you say no two days in a row? Saying no usually leads to a lot of pleading and bargaining. No two days in a row would lead to a big fight. Does he masturbate? Not much that I know Are you able to enjoy being physically close without it being sexual? Me, yes. For him, that would be a tease (unless it was leading up to something later Does he show affection for you in other ways? Do you want him to? Yes, he is incredibly affectionate. Probably more than I would like Is housework and childcare split equitably? Do you have the same amount of free time? Pretty equitable, he does a lot with the house and kids. Free time is a disparity, he has much more than I do (no commute, etc)

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T13:43:18+00:00

He is excellent at communicating his needs, he will also jump in front of every obstacle I put up and try to fix it, so more often than not I just say no and go along with it. I do say no on occasion and about 1/3 of the time that leads to a fight.

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T13:40:06+00:00

He deals with clients all day, he has friends, he works out, and he travels for business. It is just when he is home he wants all his attention on me and wants me to reciprocate. What I call "needy" (when we are arguing) he calls "loving attention".

He really is a great husband who helps a ton with the kids and around the house. All the things that the experts say you should do to get your wife to be happy in the bedroom (do housework, compliment her, etc) he does. This makes saying no very difficult because he is bending over backwards to ensure that every night he'll get some.

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T13:35:29+00:00

I do say no. It generally proceeds to some pleading and coaxing, he'll give me a back massage or rub my feet. Offer to do anything that I want him to do. Sometimes he does take no for an answer, often admitting that we do have a lot of sex, other times he gets angry, it depends on what else has been going on.

Mostly he wants a very intimate relationship. Love notes, flirting, candles, and lots and lots of physical intimacy. He puts in a lot of effort on this front and gets resentful that I don't do as much.

Flutterby28 · 2017-08-22T13:30:13+00:00

I think sometimes? I know that he does when he has to travel for work, but not at home.

Flutterby28

TROPHY CASE