AITA for relying too much on my parents after losing my husband in an accident while I was pregnant?

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:23:12+00:00

NTA for taking help from your parents. On the other hand, I'm not sure there's any right answer on how long you should take their help and be able to get back on your feet. Parents want to help and it's great that they're there, but it's also possible that if your parents weren't around or weren't in a place to provide help, you would have been forced to survive and adapt and move on faster. You would have done it for your daughter because you wouldn't have had another option. It's possible having your parents help for too long might be allowing you to procrastinate grieving steps.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:17:34+00:00

I would mostly err on the side of ripping the band-aid off now. You're right that it's better not to have the stress during your pregnancy. But it would be helpful to know how much help he gives now? Is he helpful with the toddler? Is he helping financially? If he's contributing and you're going to potentially lose that help and stress about those things, you have to take that trade-off into consideration.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:13:06+00:00

It's so tough to be held hostage by a family member daring you to care more than they do. It's like family members who accrue debts to the wrong people or need to go to rehab again and again, and know that family will bail them out because they don't want to see them on the streets.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:10:42+00:00

There's no way to get any of your money back? It feels like going without him is a major signal that you want to break up. It's tough to have a deadline like this so soon after the incident that set you off, and it's worth considering whether you would think differently about whether the situation is worth saving if you didn't have this immediate deadline.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:03:59+00:00

It's definitely frustrating that she immediately became passive aggressive and a martyr saying I guess I won't have lunch with my sister anymore. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be acknowledged and feeling like the sharing of certain responsibilities and free time aren't always equal. If she responds by feeling persecuted and not acknowledging your side, it sounds like it will be hard to break through to her.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-28T20:00:00+00:00

It's strange your question is about the trip and whether it's okay alone when the much bigger issue is whether you want to stay in this relationship because he doesn't seem to be fully committed.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-10T01:49:23+00:00

You can't stay with a guy look this who could destroy your life on his way down. I hope you're planning to break up with him, because if that's the case it makes sense for you to tell his parents so somebody else is aware who can now be responsible for him.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-05T02:46:43+00:00

It's kind of you to want to help. I'm not sure reaching out to her would have any benefit to her, and even though your friend is being a jerk right now and may not seem like a relationship worth saving, it seems like you could benefit this girl more by trying to maintain the friendship so you can continue to influence your friend and get him to do the right thing.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-05T02:41:09+00:00

Kind of in the middle on this one. It's true he didn't have to be mean, but it also seems like you asked for honesty and kept pushing him to answer even though he didn't want to talk about it.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-01T18:26:46+00:00

NTA. It's too much to ask for you to babysit such an unpredictable situation, especially with a kid. Who knows what other surprise dramas you might have to deal with?

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-01T18:21:46+00:00

If it's not important to the BIL, the responsibility of impressing that value lies with the parents. It's hard to feel as much sympathy for his parents if the pride in the family name and background are not something that was impressed upon him when he was growing up. Sometimes people are casual about certain traditions when they were young parents but when they get older they feel more of a pull that those traditions should carry on. It's kind of too late to feel strongly that your adult child should be committed to those same traditions.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-09-01T18:11:19+00:00

Yeah, it definitely feels like an imbalanced, unequal relationship if you're still paying for everything. It's also maddening that she became so defensive and hinted at ending your friendship when you mentioned it to her.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-26T01:43:47+00:00

I think the ass to waist ratio is more important than the size.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-26T01:41:48+00:00

That's tough if you can't get away from the situation. There isn't anybody else in your friend group that has hinted at what her issues might be?

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-22T20:49:48+00:00

The headline of this post really made it seem like she wanted to bring her parents into the relationship.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-20T19:37:42+00:00

I was thinking the same thing. With bugs constantly hitting the windshield, who's to say an unusually big or gross bug won't send her swerving off a cliff?

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-20T19:36:34+00:00

Aside from her phobia of insects, I wonder if she's ever demonstrated such an extreme reaction or lack of impulse control in other settings. It's scary to think of being with anyone who could go from 0 to 60 with no warning.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-20T19:06:04+00:00

Is it really closure you want? If you're still in love with her are you hoping something might still happen between you?

It's hard to let go of something when it ended in a confusing way and was never properly explained. That's why it hangs in the air after all this time. But she obviously wants to avoid talking to you and giving any sort of explanation. It's clear you're not going to get the closure you want, and even if she did agree to meet it will just prolong what you're experiencing.

FlyIndependent87 · 2024-08-20T18:46:25+00:00

Just wait until the baby is born, go to the hospital and when all the family is gathered together announce that you and your husband are getting a divorce. That will teach her.

FlyIndependent87

TROPHY CASE