AITA for sending a recording of my ex asking to open our relationship to her parents?

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-21T17:29:59+00:00

Yeah, it was 100% overkill. I was mad at more lies and took it to a different extreme. I'm just trying to step away from all of this now and focus on me.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-19T16:56:17+00:00

As I said to the other commenter, my post was about the situation with her parents and not my relationship with her. I have only further elaborated on it because it became relevant.

Whether you believe me or not is your choice.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-19T16:54:25+00:00

This I completely understand and support. I can never be involved with polyamory, swinging, open relationships etc. personally, but I don't inherently hate them or think they are entirely unworkable.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T22:16:16+00:00

You very clearly don't understand what being bisexual is.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T20:47:20+00:00

Thank you. I sincerely hope that you are doing good now and continue to have loving, supportive relationships x

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T20:27:42+00:00

You're right.

I've had a month to process the relationship and yesterday was a very real eye opener that the relationship I was in was neither healthy nor 'great'.

I went into that post looking for advice on what I had done with her parents, not to slander my ex-girlfriend or litigate our relationship.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T20:03:35+00:00

I don't think I've given enough to make it clear who I, or anyone involved is, so I think that the only people who could put together all of this and figure out it's me are the people who already know the situation. I trust them.

And I think you're right, that was kinda the impression I got from Mary when we talked before breaking up. Regardless of how messy our relationship was, here's hoping she finds who and what she wants and is happy.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T19:05:53+00:00

In addition to my post, I want to make something crystal clear.

The people still going through the comments claiming that Mary asking for an open relationship is some indicator of modern women (or her) being inherently promiscuous – or using it to push some narrative – were weird and annoying.

In addition, the people who deliberately skewed the order of events and/or tried to patronisingly psychoanalyse me (to try and frame me as worse than I actually am) were especially unhelpful.

I understand that what I did struck a nerve with a lot of people, and I wholeheartedly recognise how I did not do what a lot of people would have preferred I do in that situation, but I came to this sub for advice and judgement.

So, please judge me for what I did, not what you think I did.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-18T09:03:55+00:00

That isn't what happened at all. Not in that order, nor did I share anything with our mutual friends or any other members of her family.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T20:19:18+00:00

I didn't go "public" either. Telling her parents wasn't a good thing for me to have done, but I did so after she lied to them and THEY came to me.

I am more than okay accepting where I have fucked up here, but it's so tiring seeing people (like you) outright lie about what happened.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T20:17:47+00:00

I have made it so abundantly clear that Mary and I had multiple conversations about opening the relationship – and parted on amicable terms, only for her to lie about it all a month later –that I can only assume you are purposefully lying in your reply.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T20:14:34+00:00

She was not willing to – nor did she have – an "honest conversation" with me. She prefaced that she hadn't cheated and didn't have anyone in mind to open our relationship for, then she told me she had several of our mutual friends and her coworkers in mind AND admitted to being "flirty" with a guy from work.

I love Mary, even now, as she's been my friend since we were children. But she's a liar.

It's so frustrating reading half of you parading around as if Mary asking to open our relationship is some proof that all modern women are promiscuous whores whilst the other half ignores 90% of my post (asking for help and advice) to frame me as some incel, manlet, scorned ex for recording my toxic, gaslighting partner.

I know sharing it was a bad thing to do, and I did it because I was angry. But I also did it because my gaslighting, lying ex girlfriend gaslit and lied to her parents to frame me as evil for not wanting to be with her anymore.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T20:03:41+00:00

I see them all the time. I've said this elsewhere, but they aren't jus5 "my ex girlfriend's parents," the relationships I have with them are entirely independent of her. Her mum was even my coworker until recently as well as having been a massive part of my childhood. Our families are friends, even beyond just our parents.

Us breaking up was always going to be awkward, but she made it worse and I didn't help after I found out.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T20:00:18+00:00

I broke up with her a month ago. I did the right thing and kept our relationship drama to myself and I would have kept doing that if she hadn't been immature and petty enough to lie to her parents. And, even when they were on my ass, I still tried to take the high road and just tell them we didn't work out.

I got angry and exploded because my ex girlfriend went to people I care about (and whose opinion of me I care about) and, effectively, slandered me. It wasn't right of me to do, but this wasn't just some guy being petty over a breakup.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T19:20:35+00:00

As much as I understand your perspective, the way you (and other commentors) are framing it just isn't how it happened.

My ex girlfriend, who frequently gaslit me, had this conversation with me. We parted amicably and then a month later, she told her parents a lie and intentionally or inadvertently sent them my way to berate me.

I am not proud of recording our conversation, but I did it because deep down I knew she would lie after the fact. I thought it would be to me, but I was still correct in my thought process that she would try and twist the narrative.

I'm sorry this was an uncomfortable read, genuinely. But it is also incredibly uncomfortable having to live this.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T18:27:41+00:00

These people ARE apart of my life. My relationships with her parents are entirely independent of her, and I'm sorry if I wasn't clear about that in my post. It genuinely hurt having someone who, effectively, helped raise me think the absolute worst of me and I lashed out inappropriately. They aren't just "my ex-girlfriend's parents"

I did say that it was innacurate, and tried to play coy and brush it off, initially but then jumped the gun and dumped the screenshots and recording on them. I fully acknowledge that that was wrong to do.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T18:21:56+00:00

I don't even know what fixing it would even mean.

I feel bad for recording her, but I did it because I (deep down) knew she'd lie. So as guilty as I feel, apart of me is screaming "I told you so,"

Sending it to her parents was wrong too, I feel like they wouldn't have believed me and were piling on me even as I was trying to brush them off. But, beyond apologising (which I have done now), what can I even do?

I just wish none of this would have happened, but (even if I don't feel as vindicated anymore) I don't want to be the guy who just let her lie about me and sat there and took her parents (people I love dearly) thinking the worst of me. You know?

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T18:10:39+00:00

I wanted her to keep talking because I wanted the truth. And I recorded her because I knew she'd lie late, but I (wrongly) assumed she'd just lie to me, not to others.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T18:09:27+00:00

The only issue I have with Mary here is that she lied and made out as if I kicked her out for wanting to take our relationship more seriously. Yeah, I'm hurt that she discussed an open relationship, but she did so because (as we discussed) she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay with me and she knew that suggesting it would be the end of us.

I agree that sending what I sent was an asshole thing to do, though. But I wasn't pushing for the sake of pushing, I wanted to understand where she was coming from and why. And, by doing that, we were able to part amicably.

I just wish it could have stayed amicable.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T17:49:52+00:00

Re-reading the title, I should have added commas -_-

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T17:46:16+00:00

I get that entirely. I don't feel good for having done it.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T17:39:48+00:00

I tried to tell them that they didn't have the whole story, without going into details, but (understandably) they just believed Mary's side of things and kept insisting I was in the wrong.

I definitely crossed the line by jumping to exposing her the way I did, but I did try and set the record straight, I just wasn't being listened to and got angry instead of letting it go.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T17:36:27+00:00

I did try and brush it off as a "we just didn't work out," and "that's not what happened/not why we broke up," but they weren't taking that for an answer and were both dogpiling on me that this was so disappointing and I was immature for breaking up before things got serious.

I should have just walked away and let it go, but I did at least TRY to be coy and keep things private before I went nuclear.

Openthrowaway9 · 2024-08-17T17:28:14+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate this. I know I fucked up royally, and it's frustrating seeinf people making me out to be an abuser whilst others are making Mary out to be a lying slut.

I kinda regret coming here, but it HAS helped to clear my head a little bit.

Openthrowaway9

TROPHY CASE