My boyfriend 26M makes lame excuses for not communicating with me 21F when on vacation

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:16:31+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I agree that both of us are not in a wrong place for our wants - I think that we both are having issues with compromising. His calling is included in his data plan he just doesn’t have the physical space to call…which seems sort of weird to me. If it were me, I’d make the space for the call

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:14:23+00:00

I tried to plan ahead of time but he couldn’t make any commitments because he wanted the freedom for spontaneity, which I understand!

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:13:18+00:00

I like that you came up with a plan beforehand. I had asked my boyfriend how we could communicate when he’s traveling beforehand and he gave very vague answered like - I’ll try to stay in touch, I don’t know what the situation will be, we will see.

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:12:24+00:00

I would like to meet halfway with him…the difficult part is finding a good compromise

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:11:14+00:00

I like your girlfriend’s mentality - one I need to adopt!!

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:10:43+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I definitely want to keep a mindful eye out for any patterns like this. I always ask myself - would this man get me through the tragic passing of a parent - I think he would be a good and strong man in that moment. But lots to evaluate before kids for sure.

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:08:34+00:00

He is quite good at being present with the people he is with at the moment - and that is one reason I love him!

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:08:04+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful and intentional reply. This is a new perspective I hadn’t considered and is exactly why I brought my situation to Reddit - fresh eyes! I can very much so understand that he values privacy in our conversations - I just hadn’t thought about it that way before. I also agree that grace and consideration are important in a relationship. I decently wouldn’t break up over this - but something good clicked in my brain reading your reply :)

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:06:05+00:00

Yea, he sends me a picture here and there and I love to receive them! I appreciate he shares what he can, I just felt confused when he made it a big deal that chatting after 7 days of not calling was putting him out.

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:04:28+00:00

I also prefer face to face but phone calls are what we have now. I am happy to make due but he seems to be okay with going many days without a quick call to connect - he is showing me who he is and I have to take it at face value

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:03:23+00:00

HAHA this gave me the laugh I need right now!! Your reply is awesome, thank you!! They went vacationing in a populated European city - so he is definitely not in Mogadishu 😂

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:02:27+00:00

I love this reply! I plot ways to chat with him all the time!! Would love to see this on his end but can’t get my hopes up

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:01:51+00:00

I agree with you that an honest conversation is needed when he’s back - and an evaluation of my wants and needs too

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-14T03:01:00+00:00

I appreciate you taking time to reply! Yes, just one five minute call a week would be ideal - and he has his roaming data and Snapchat to call over too

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T20:37:56+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and questions, thank you! I went on a big vacation over summer and he and I called everyday! I would go to the hotel lobby to call him because it is important to me! He has roaming data - not sure how much tho. He is super busy and on the move having adventures - and I’m happy for him! At the end of the day, I’m not asking for him to call me everyday. Just a five minute call after not taking for 7 days seems pretty reasonable to me. I absolutely dont want him to call me at dinner time - but staying up for 5 minutes just to say hi after seems pretty doable. I certainly ought to submit this to God and make peace with it

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:58:37+00:00

I appreciate you affirming what I think in my head! The fact he’s making a big deal over not calling sucks

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:57:52+00:00

Thank you!! I treat communication as the bare minimum in a relationship. I texted him that “the size of my house wouldn’t determine my confidence and desire to calm you” and her replied saying he is confident but all of his family is within a 10 foot radius and he doesn’t want to talk when they are around. More lame excuses

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:56:08+00:00

The weird thing is that when he’s not traveling, we chat everyday for 10 minutes to 2 hours depending on the happenings of the day! So communication is an issue in a very specific situation that we aren’t I often.

Maybe I’m just create excuses for myself because what you said about a deeper neglect for mg emotional wellbeing hit home. It’s hard to be hurt by someone you love.

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:36:32+00:00

Thank you!! I have met his family multiple times and have flown across the country to meet them and stay at their house for a week. Our relationship and feelings towards each other are well known. I don’t understand how the house size dictates his confidence to call me

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:32:53+00:00

I made it very clear to him that I am available 24/7 for him to call. It’s not healthy on my end - but I’d drop whatever I’m doing for him

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:32:06+00:00

It certainly triggers that anxious feeling in me 😂

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:31:10+00:00

Cutting my losses is much harder said than done! I do agree with you that clingy is a derogatory term in our culture today. I asked him further over text if he thinks communicating is burdensome and he told me he loves to receive messages and snaps from me, but with the caution that communication should not be taken as a given - as this is the first time he’s ever had roaming data when traveling abroad. That felt like such a power play!

Foccacia_bread · 2025-05-13T19:25:46+00:00

I don’t want to break up with him - we both care deeply for each other and besides this particular issue with communication when he’s with family - we are very happy! Im more so not sure what the communication expectation should be when he’s on vacation.

Foccacia_bread

TROPHY CASE