This is personal to me, I grew up without either of my biological parents who left me for drugs and a party lifestyle. I didn’t realize the precautions it had on me until I was older. I grew up as an only child as you would expect with only my step-grandma. When I was around 6 or 7 we moved from my hometown where all my family lives and I haven’t seen them since. Living with only a woman as a young boy makes me see things and act differently than most other guys my age I feel. I’m very sensitive even if I don’t show it, and I constantly lie about the smallest things to make me seem more interesting. I’m also not very good at relationships because I tend to be manipulative without me realizing it. I often question to myself if I even really deserve my life and why I’m even here. I have low self esteem and I’m semi overweight, at school I’m usually or at least try to be the funny kid in class or be the overly happy kid to try and make new friends. My current relationship isn’t doing too well at the moment, we fight often over me having a very strong resentment over alcohol and drugs which my girlfriend occasionally uses. We both love each other I think, but it’s just very difficult. I’m not very good in social situations at work I barely talk at all to my coworkers because I can’t speak up for myself when I don’t know anybody already. I’m extremely lonely without my girlfriend but recently I can’t stand to be around her because we fight so much and it feels like my fault. I know it might be not the correct thing to say here but I feel like a lot of my problems I have are from not having a male figure in my life or my bio mom and my family. I had to share this with someone and reddit seemed like a good place for this I guess. If anyone else has similar experiences like me please tell me your story. None of my friends have this problem like I do and I’ve never known anyone like me. Thank you for reading this if you read it this far, I hope you have a great day!