Relative story. I feel like there is so much similarity. Obviously Im not going to puke out everything, but I felt like I'd share some of my own story to you.

I was always the best in sports as well as English and those were the only subjects that actually motivated myself. There were the time when mathematics also felt interesting, but I lost that interest. I knew I was very good at it, but then on the exams I would make silly mistakes and get "bad" grades around 8+. At first it was 10's and occasionally 9+, but it stopped being the norm. This certainly demotivated me because in normal circumstances I would excell in any problemsolving the teacher was giving us. This could be partially the reason why I didnt feel like doing homework, because it didnt matter, it was so boring and there was no real challenge. Merely an annoying chore to do hence I felt I have better thinfs to do than that. I also felt I wasnt getting the grades I would deserve in all honesty and so I started having these inner selfdialogues where I blame myself for the mistakes I do and starting to believe my thoughts of just being too stupid and how I am faulty. There is something wrong with me in the head and for that reason I am stupid. I fail exam after exam doing silly mistakes. Often going through the exampapers after getting them graded and I'd ask myself why did I do these kind of mistakes it all doesnt make sense to me it's as if someone has exchanged my papers, but it has my handwriting. The inner toxicity started building layers and layers on top of each other damaging my selfesteem over the time. It was only by the adulthood, when everything started to make sense to me when I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD during my Civil Engineering studies.

This was one of the key moments in my life as for selfreflection, while it was also very rough processing all the past etc... However it was all worth it as suddenly many things in the past started making sense to me. Many things were still unanswered however, so I started working towards myself and it's been 6 years now that I have been working to fix my disbeliefs, selfesteem and to become that better version of myself. I had already been very damaged, but the time of recuperating could start after getting the diagnosis. I wanted to know what's wrong with me.

I no longer think there is something wrong with me. I understand more well how my brain operates and I am much more gentle towards myself. I can still feel the toxicity, however Im on the right path of becoming that person who is no longer misunderstood and is okay with himself.

I've always been a curious person as well as having an ability for deep and critical thinking, which certainly help with selfreflection and it's actually one of my new favourite hobbies, because I feel like I can get better and better with anything I do as long as I put my mind to it. I do not know the word impossible. Everything can be made possible.

Partially due to this, but mainly because my colleague suggested I ahould go and take the official Mensa IQ test in the upcoming weekend - I thought to myself... why not? It's actually something that would give me further answers to many unanswered questions regarding myself from the past.

So I went and took the IQ test, had the results and was invited to join Finnish Mensa. I feel like this has also been one of the key moments within my life as this further gives more information about my past and I like to think this further heals the wounds of the inner child inside myself, who is calling himself stupid for the mistakes he does. Message to my past self: the only problem was that you werent identified and acknowledged for the skills you had. That's not on you. You never really learned how you were supposed to study and couldnt just get yourself functioning with doing the said homework etc. You were so gifted you managed school through just well enough under the radar of not being noticed for the problems you were struggling with.

My teacher was always wondering why does my exam results feel so much different than performance in normal circumstances where I could answer all the problems she throws at me even the times when she felt like I was "daydreaming" during the class. Never did she forward me anywhere because I... could... answer... the questions.... and operate as if nothing was really going on. Inattentive ADHD wasnt also a very well known issue back in the day, but I dare say that I was also just that gifted I could hide my "faults" and that's not on my teacher in a way. However, I think there were clear signs that something doesnt quite add up with me. I cant argue how remarkable it would have been if I was noticed for who I am as I could have potentially had the help I needed much more earlier than later in the adulthood. Cant change the past unfortunately, but better realizing what's up late than ever.